Where’s my spirit?

I seem to have lost it… my spirit. Last year I talked about how warm this time of year is. This year I feel cold. So cold I can’t believe it. How can this be. I know I’m happy, yet I don’t feel the spirit.

I’ve put up my tree quite early this year (December 7th, is quite early where I’m concerned). I’ve visited two fairs. I’ve had a Christmas brunch at work, where everyone in my team made or bought something to eat/drink. It was lovely and delicious. We took some extra time to play 30 seconds, so we all had a wonderful lunch, but no spirit for me. I went along, even played the game (I hate games, because I can’t stand to lose), but nothing.

How come you feel so much joy and warmth one year, while there seems to be a black hole the next.
It’s not like I don’t want to feel the spirit, I just don’t… Maybe this year the loss of loved ones is in the back of my mind. Maybe I just don’t feel it because of other reasons. I can’t tell.

I don’t think I’m depressed right now, because I feel pretty good. I just feel a bit empty, because I miss the spirit. Ah well, better luck next year. For now, let’s get ready for some busy days and loads of food my body doesn’t need, but I will still eat.

This year one of the woman I hike with on Sundays suggested to have a Christmas with friends. Not on the actual days, because we all have family to deal with then, but just before. So tomorrow we are going to have a winter BBQ. Although winter… You could almost go outside in a dress and be oké. The weather is quite mild. Then Christmas eve some friends will come to have a pleasant evening with me and my partner (looking forward to seeing them again!). The next two days will be spent with my partners family and mine. And to complete the whole ordeal.. I took a look in my planner this morning and found out I planned an evening hanging out with two friends the day before Christmas eve. I haven’t broken this news to my partner yet and somehow I don’t think they are going to like that.

Then a long weekend and two day’s work left this year. Before we know it we have arrived in 2020. A new start… a new search for the spirit. Luckily for me I’ve got a whole year to find next year’s spirit (minus a couple of days, but hey, who’s counting).

I hope you all have your spirit. If not… We will survive. Since my spirit is missing, I’ve got room to spare for people who need warmth, just like me. Let’s get warm together. If you have you spirit, I hope (and almost know) you’ll share yours with those in need of the warmth. Together we will make the last days of this year special, each in our own way.

Love
dreamer