Slowly but steadily I’m starting to turn into a social caterpillar. People who think I don’t know that it’s supposed to be a butterfly are wrong, I know…. I just don’t think I’m close to being a social butterfly. Baby steps people.
I can be super social as far as people see. I know how to talk about the weather and other nonsense, but it takes effort. Why go through the trouble if you don’t have to right? Most people would say “because it is fun”. It’s not always fun! But let’s leave that debate alone. To each his own.
I’ve always preferred to be on my own or in small groups. Loads of people make me feel uneasy, but you can’t always avoid it. Even though I see it that way, I started an education to become a social worker. I like people, just in small doses. At that point in my life I felt terrible. I would much rather die, but was afraid of pain. My mum informed school about my feelings. That combined with having trouble with some of the target groups made the school tell me I needed social interactions training.
Yep, I needed training in order to be able to participate in Smalltalk. I am glad for it, because I doubt if I would have been able to do that without the training. I firmly believe I would be a hermit that lives among people, but tries hard not to interact with them. But now I actually talk with people. So I’ve told you about the old man I’ve met at the theatre before. I didn’t meet him again, but last week I talked to three people!
See what I mean by social caterpillar? Slowly but steadily I start interacting with strangers at the theatre. Of course you don’t want to exaggerate, so today I’m writing my blog on my phone, so I can keep to myself. Small doses…. Maybe one day, if I get to grow very old, I’ll get to reach the butterfly stage.
Sometimes I wonder why I socialize. I doubt it was the last time I wondered why I go out and meet people though…..
Sometimes I wonder why I socialize. This evening was one of the moments.
On my way to friends on a bicycle in the rain I wondered why I always plan to go out and do things.
Don’t get me wrong, I like these people a lot, that is why I want to see them, but cycling through the rain I still wondered.
It was cold and since I wear glasses I could not see where I was going. If you don’t wear those it takes some explaining so let me paint a picture (or at least try).
To see wat I see without glasses you need to take a look at your camera, the moment it is out of focus. You see your surroundings, but it is all a blur. That is what I see if my glasses are off. When on my way to these friends it was dark/evening, so seeing will be difficult even when wearing glasses. I wanted you to know what I see without so you know taking them off is not an option. Now the rain. It gets on you glasses like they are windows. All lights in the vicinity get blinding at that point. Try looking through a drop of water into the light and you get some sort of orb. So not seeing without glasses and trying to look through light orbs with them on it is always quite an adventure cycling through the rain in the dark. And a dangerous one at that.
So cycling, not seeing too much of where I was going I thought: “Why?” I would have been perfectly happy not going out. Lying on the couch in my pj’s with a nice book or YouTube or something like that.
If I could I would never get out. Meeting people is exhausting most of the time. Even though I get energy from being with my friends, it is the people and surroundings I don’t know that take much more than any of my friends can give. Yet I will get out, because how could I call it living all on my own?
At one point in my life I wanted to be a hermit, my brother laughed and told me I could never be one. I think he had a point, because I am terrified of creepy crawlers and I don’t know anything about taking care of myself by growing my own food and stuff, but it seemed like the most wonderful thing ever. Being on my own, taking care of myself and if I got sick, well I’d better be able to help myself, or I’d die.
Children and their idea’s. I met a great person and lost my heart. There goes the possibility to be alone, because I would not be happy without this person (but if it would make them happy to be without me, I would rather be unhappy than together, because they should be happy).
I have a lot of friends so I am blessed and that is why I go out and socialize. I had a great time tonight, so it was worth it, again. I doubt it was the last time I wondered why I go out and meet people though…..