Surprised

Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it…. But I’m starting the story at the end, so let me start at the beginning.

When I was a lot younger I heard my parents talk about their life and their jobs. On TV I saw people working. I knew one day I would have to work as well. That’s a part of life, and I was taught the importance of a hard day’s work. I didn’t mind, was actually looking forward to it.

Now way back when (actually not that long ago, but the changes are happening so fast it feels like centuries) it was normal for a person to work for the same employer for years and years. In this day and age, if you say you want to work at the same place until your retirement (or even past a couple of years) you don’t have enough drive. You need to want to go places, wether you like it or not.

Growing up I figured I’d find a job I like, to spend the rest of my life working there. Yeh right… Weirdo. From the first job I had it had been jobs through a temping agency or payroll office. Never a contract with the company I actually worked for. The thing I remember most from 2009 on is wondering if I would get a new contract through the temp agency. If contracts for the company became available I had to apply for the job! Write a letter that went to people that didn’t know me, and two of the three times I applied, turned my letter down. The third time I could ‘come in’ for a job interview. WHY?!? I have worked for you for a long time, with good results. Why not base who you offer a contract to on that information?

Suffice it to say, I never got a contract. I was however lucky enough to be one of few who got a contract for an undetermined time with the temp agency. Since the employer I worked for went through the same process of not knowing wether or not there would be a renewal (and informing us a few days before the end of our contract) the temp agency introduced me to another employer.

I started working there and loved it. The company must have liked me too, because they offered me a contract for a year. Wait what…. No… I most have heard wrong. I am actually going to get a contract with the company I work for? YES! That was approximately a year ago. Another year ending in suspense, but this employer would let me know in time, they had proven that last year. The good thing here, we don’t have to apply for our job, because we already do it. They judge our work, thank goodness.

You might think I ‘talk’ of your ears when reading this, but that becomes much worse if I get nervous. I am glad I only had to apply for my job once at this employer. We were informed that most likely we would be able to get a new contract, but they had to start a procedure for people who had to leave their department. After a period of to weeks we would be informed if there had been any reactions.

This week I had an off day on Tuesday, so I decided to get something at the bakery. It is not polite to eat everything yourself, so I bought some extra to share with my colleagues. Another colleague entered the bakery and said: ” ah, you talked to your manager I see. Congratulations!” I stared at him with a blank expression. What was he talking about? On the way back I met three other colleagues that made the same assumption.

So, we would not just hear if there had been reactions, we would also hear about our contracts. I was hopeful for a new contract for a year, instead I got one without an end date!!!! Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it….

Love dreamer

Nightmare and theatre

I’ll start this blog with my nightmare and finish it with theatre, so we have something bright to end on, because man…… The nightmare I had this week had me shaking for a long time after. To be honest, I still feel like crying when I think about it.

The night I had this nightmare was a strange one. I woke up around a quarter to two and would wake up every hour after that. The frustrating thing is, every time I fell asleep again, I would pick up the nightmare where I’d left it to wake up. Here goes…

It starts with me waking up next to my partner, not sure if they were still alive. I left home nonetheless, figuring I was being to protective again. For some reason I was at my mum’s that afternoon. She told me in distress my partner had died, but couldn’t tell how they died. She could tell me for sure it had been in the afternoon, not in bed.

I decided to go to my partner’s parents to get more information and talk about the next steps to take. I felt shaken up, but couldn’t really cry. It felt more like a fake emotion than a real one, like I wanted to show the world how hurt I was, but didn’t feel it. My partner’s mum mumbled, but didn’t make any sense and their father immediately left when I walked up to him.

And now? No one could tell me how my partner died and I had to think ahead without any help at all. Well, I would need to let the bank know they died. Luckily we have an insurance for our mortgage just in case one of us would die. Then there’s the car. I would have to let the company that leases it to us know my partner died. They are the main user. Same goes for our telecom contract. How in the word would I manage?

I distinctly remember thinking, their dad won’t get their phone. That is mine! How awful of me! When it was time to get out of bed (thank goodness) I walked over to my partner’s side of the bed and hugged them real tight. I knew they where awake, because they asked if I had slept well. I asked to please not die on me again. The answer I got was: I can’t make any promises.

I felt the tears rise and knowing my partner is to down to earth to know how to react, left for the bathroom. I cried, because the loss of my partner felt so real! Horrible! I felt it all day and still, when I talk or write about it I feel so empty. Brrrrrr.

On to something that’s a lot less unnerving. I went to a tryout for the musical we will rock you. (Emagine an enormous amount of emoticons with heart eyes). (more). (Nope still not enough).(a bit more). (About right, but not quite).(yes that’s it)! Anastasia was killer Queen. It was sooooooo good. I would go every day if I could, but that’s not possible. To bad. Definitely one of the best shows I’ve been able to visit on me pass.

Love dreamer

The play, a book and a feud!

So update on the play I was in… It went well. The second day was a nightmare for the prompter, but the piece worked out non the less. Why was it a nightmare for the prompter you might ask… well. One of the people on stage was about a page ahead in the script, so the person he had his part with went along with him, but the other two on stage were at the right page, so…. The prompter had to skip ahead and back and we had to work twice as hard to make things look like it was meant that way without skipping on important information. It has been a blast. Now three weeks off and then rehearsal for a new piece will begin. Looking forward to it!

Now for this week. As you might have noticed on twitter I finally received ‘How to save your child from ostrich attacks, accidental time travel, and anything else that might happen on an average Tuesday’ from James Breakwell. In between it arriving, work and stuff I managed to get to page 19 and I can’t wait to read the rest. I might not have kids, but knowledge about how to keep kids safe from everything in existence and imaginary is something everyone needs. Can’t wait to start reading again, and that will happen after I’ve put this blog online! You should read it to! Go buy it! Here’s the link to his site:
http://explodingunicorn.com/ostrich/
You can read the description, see where to buy it and find more information and stuff from him. Mondays are the highlight of my week, because of his newsletter!

Between the tweet and now there has been more time than could have brought me to page 19. True, but… I was distracted. With what? The feud that is going on between two groups I follow online! At one point I read about Shipwrecked and Tin Can Bros bringing a short to buffer and putting it on YouTube afterward and the next moment I read statements on twitter on how the other party has stolen their script! I didn’t know what to think, so obviously I watched both clips. Same script indeed, what is going on? Don’t believe me? Go see for yourself:

Darn Tootin’ from Tin Can Bros: 

A Book By Its Cover from Shipwrecked:

At first I think, sure, you collaborated on it. They are friend, so why not. But then there is an announcement. Both of them have a livestream to tell us how it is their script. My time zone differs from theirs, so yesterday I spent four hours to watch them both and find out what the … is going on. First of all, there where people in the live chats that had the sole purpose of stirring thing up. I had a blast watching them both. After seeing this I am still not sure what the hell is happening, but I sure hope this is their way of showing us how unreal the world of moviemaking is. At the end of the Shipwrecked stream it has been said that things should be concluded by Friday, so until then I am keeping an eye on YouTube while I’m awake, because I NEED to know what is going on there.

If you like the things I do, you are probably already aware of the situation and as eager for the what’s coming as I am. That’s it for now. If you need me, I’ll be learning how to fend off some more animals. The next chapter will be Supernatural Beings, so I don’t think the book will come down before I’ve read the last letter. If there’s no blog next week, send the coroner, because I’ve forgotten to eat and drink while reading. Scratch that, make sure they check up on me sooner, how else will I be able to read more of James Breakwell’s stuff and find out what happens with the feud!

Love
Dreamer

Searching for a stage

The big weekend is finally here, we are performing our play! Last night we had our first performance. This afternoon will be our second and last. The first performance went well. I am happy as can be. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments, so that felt good and (crazy as it may seem) embarrassing. The thing is…. I took things to my dreams.

To understand my dream you need to know something first. The stage we perform at was taken over by a new company. Ever since they took over communications where…. let’s just. say below average. There have been several new contracts, costs were driven up. Not fun.

Our group is a very small one. Just six players. The first act ends on a leaking sealing, because I fixed a flush problem on a toilet. The previous two weekends we have been rehearsing at a primary school that has a little ‘gym’ area.

On to the dream.

We are standing at the stage and notice water coming down. We have no clue where it’s coming from, so we have a technician take a look at it. (sure, that’s the person to take a look at a leaking ceiling!). The man tells us we can’t do our play here, because it is dangerous with the water coming down. It could cause a short-circuiting and the building could burn down. Great, now what! We still have one performance to do and people have bought tickets! (not in real life, the buy them when they arrive). Our contact gets called and we ask for a solution. There is none. None of their other stages is free. Too bad for us, but shit happens, we should learn to live with it.

We try going to this military looking building where the big bosses are stationed. When walking up to the gate it closes. Clearly they don’t want to start a conversation about our predicament. The person of our group that has made all the arrangements with them did get inside, but came out with bad news. They are not going to help us.

Naturally we don’t like the answer, so we decide to go into the city to find another place to perform. Our group is suddenly about twenty people, because we are waiting for them in front of the company that bought the stage. (their chiefs resided in the military complex, but we have always had contact with the people in the building where another stage is.) I decide to try something. They don’t know me there, so why not see if they just don’t like our ‘group’.

I go in and pretend not to know them, but I am looking for a performance place for that afternoon. I know it is short notice, and I understand if they can’t help me. It has been chaotic and things happened why we needed some last minute space. The lady I talk to is very nice and positive. She takes a look in her computer and has some good news. She has some space she can put us in. It’s not the best space, but it is space. How many people do we think will come to see us? I give her the same numbers they got from us before, but she doesn’t connect the dots and I don’t make her any wiser yet.

We all go to the new stage. It is a school gym. It will work. We start setting up and the lady I talked to before starts drawing up a contract. I tell her she doesn’t have to. We already have one. Unfortunately I don’t know her reaction, because that’s where I woke up.

Man that was weird. Things your mind can do right! Well I’m off to the theatre to perform our piece one more time.

Love,
Dreamer

White rabbit

I guess everyone knows the story of Alice in Wonderland. I kind of feel like the white rabbit at the moment. Like there’s not enough time to get things done. Why? Well remember I’m in a theatre group? Our performance date is closing in fast!

We will perform our piece on the 16th and 17th of this month (November). About a week ago we had never run through the piece in one sitting, at least not while playing, we had managed getting through it just sitting and reading our lines.

Since the performance date is closing in we decided we needed extra practice. Not just for our lines, but to practice with a fully dressed set as well. That helps, because things go differently when you and the set are dressed as you are supposed to be. The thing is, normally we rehearse on Wednesday evenings, but these extra rehearsals are on Saturday and Sunday!

So this is how last week went: Every weekday, except Thursday (my standard day off) I went to work. On Wednesday evening we had our standard rehearsal (8:00-10:30 p.m.). On Friday I went to the theatre after work, like I usually do. The thing I wasn’t aware of was the length of this play. It started at 7:30 p.m. and I walked out of the theatre at midnight. The piece was three times an hour with a break in between. It wasn’t too long, I could have watched more, but I got in bed late because of it.

The next morning I had agreed to meet a colleague/friend at the gym before rehearsal, so we met at 7:00 a.m. to work out. After that I had to get home quickly, get showered and my stuff together (all in half an hour) to get to the rehearsal location. We have to take our own props, and I am one of the lucky ones. I don’t have that many clothes and props, and still it was difficult to take everything with me to another city on my bike. It rained as well.

We rehearsed from ten to three, then I went home to cook and that evening I went to the theatre again. A comedian I love had a show, I truly wanted to see him live, so….. What could I do? Lucky for me one of the people from my theatre group said she’s pick me up the next day, so I didn’t have to cycle. That helps. So Sunday was rehearsal again and behold, after sleeping I had to get to work again.

This week is not getting much better. I don’t have to be at the gym on Saturday and I only have to be at the theatre on Friday, but other than that it’s pretty much as busy as last week.

Next week is going to be a nightmare. We are getting a new system at work, so we need to follow a four day course. Two days on your own and two days ‘in class’. Guess what…… I have to be at work on Thursday and Friday. Friday is Aida (the opera), and I have to see that, so I have a ticket to see that. The next day we will have our own performance, and the day after that once more.

See, I feel like a rabbit out of time, but I will manage I guess. Sorry for the rambling on. Not even a funny dream on anecdote, but hey, this is my life at the moment! And if there’s no blog next Thursday, at least you know why, right? That’s nog a threat (of promise, but I guess you wouldn’t be on my site if you feel it is a promise), because I will try to write next week, there’s just no guarantees.

Love
Dreamer

A dream suitable for halloween

So this dream starts out somewhat normal. I am on the phone with friends of mine that are planning to visit us. My partner and I live at my parents’ house (don’t know why) so that’s where my friends need to go. They need directions, so I give the phone to my partner, so they can point them in the right direction. My friends arrive at our location, so we can go on to our home together. In the car I notice something strange with my leg.

There is a piece of white sticking out of my leg. I try to push it back, but don’t trust that will be the right thing to do, so I pry it back out. I fiddle a bit with it. It doesn’t hurt, but it is strange. I can take it out as well as push it in, so I decide to take it out. At this point I tell my friend to drive on to get to the emergency post, because I don’t trust the situation. My friend agrees and drives us there.

Once there we get to the reception desk. A woman takes a look at my leg and says it’s nothing. I don’t agree and ask her if it could be a piece of bone I’m holding. No, it could not, bone looked quite different. She shows me a piece of bone as a comparison. Identical twins couldn’t be more alike than the piece of bone and the thing that came out of my leg, but the woman doesn’t change her answer. It’s not bone and I can go home.

I don’t like the woman and keep pestering her, because the place where I pulled the bone out of my leg has a hole in it. You can see right through my leg, directly to what is behind it. That doesn’t look like nothing to me. Still she says I should just put a bandage on it. As far as she’s concerned I am whining. I decide to ask my friend to call my parents to let them know where we are. A doctor hears me and says she should say we will be there for a while, because I need more help than I am getting up to that point. And so I guess someone helped me, because this is the point where I wake up.

What the “bleep” did I dream? I look at the alarm clock and feel startled, I had forgotten to set it! It was already half past six, I should hurry if I wanted to get to work on time. Then I remember, o wait, it’s Sunday, I can sleep in. I remembered the dream, because of how weird it was. I get sick thinking about how I was playing with my bone. It wasn’t the only bone visible in my leg either. I wonder if I should get up to write it down, but hey, it’s early, I don’t want to get out of bed. This dream was so strange and still so clear in waking up even though I got startled by the time. I figured I would be able to remember until I had time to write it down.

Right now it’s two in the afternoon, I did still remember and I still get sick thinking about playing with my bones. Juck. Jep, this is a dream I need to share. Hope you enjoyed it, even though it was a bit short.

Love
Dreamer

Coming out of the theater in tears

The greatest thing about my theater pass is the fact that I visit shows I would have skipped otherwise. Just before our vacation I saw a show that touched my heart and soul.

I had not heard of Erik Krikke before. Now I own his book “Surviving PTSD & moral injury” and the cd #breakthesilence that goes with it. Why? Because he gave me hope and the idea of a fighting chance against darkness.

Erik Krikke tells the story of his time in Afghanistan, where he was an operating nurse. He talks about the time before he went, his time there and how it was to come home. Behind him is the band 7even bridges. Even though they are not the best singers I’ve ever heard, they are the ones that touched me like never before. The heart you hear in the music is so beautiful.

Right from the start you knew it would be a special evening. Even though Erik tries to keep most darkness from his audience, you feel a bit of the pain and horror. It’s not strange people come away changed. From the moment he talked about his return I started to feel more and more uncomfortable. I started weeping silently, fighting against my tears. Grown men wept openly.

Almost everyone in the audience was touched. For me, many of his feelings hit home. It felt like he was describing my feelings at times, even though our stories are nothing alike. Then I heard a song about stepping into the light and breaking the silence. I knew then and there that was the song to keep me from sinking to far into my depressions. I had to find that song.

The song was played near the end, and I felt the tears flowing. It took everything I had not to break down then and there. I am so grateful this man is still here to tell his story, inspiring people. He might not feel the same, but I perceive a man that made and makes a difference. He said he would come to the bar afterwards, but I didn’t have the strength to stay for that, even though all I wanted to was hug this man. I sprinted out, wanted to get to my bike, because maybe my partner would meet up and ride home with me.

They didn’t. The team they support had been playing and they were talking with a friend, while enjoying a beer. How could they know I was so emotional at that point. I don’t blame them, but I left the theatre none the less, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. All the way home (about 45 minutes) I cried band couldn’t stop. I cried so hard and ugly I couldn’t make a sound, but man did I feel relieved afterwards.

This has truly been the most impressive thing I’ve been to. I secretly hope they will make a video registration of it, because honestly, I’d buy that to. To think that the best evening out ended in tears and still is the best evening out… Wow!

Love dreamer