I’m back

Hello, I know I’ve been absent for a while. Couldn’t find anything to write about at first, then I just got lazy. Why make time to write if I could binge watch after work or on my days of. When 2020 ended I told myself I would write weekly blogs again, but didn’t make the time. Right now I have the time, but not for a good reason.

If you want to stop reading now, I can understand, because this is gonna be a bummer. I have to air some feelings though. This blog started as a diary, and negative feelings belong there as well. So
you still have a choice, read on or end with the positive note I’ll leave you now. Even in the darkest night there are stars, wether you can see them or not.

On to the reason I’ve got time to write. My mother has been battling cancer over the last year. At first just in her lungs, but it spread to her bones. She’s been going through chemo and immune therapy. It has been tough on her, but she’s a fighter. She has been very careful, afraid to get infected with covid 19, but it found her anyway. And it found her in the week she was most vulnerable after chemo.

At this moment I’m in the hospital with my mum. All done up in protective clothing at a distance. She’s fighting for her life, tired because her body has been through so much already. She asked if one of us could stay the night. With the necessary precautions it should be safe and possible, so here I am. It sucks.

To see someone you love fight with everything they have and them asking you to please don’t think less of them if they can’t fight anymore. She asked me face to face if I could handle it if she would die while I am with her. I’ll be honest with you… I’m afraid. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want her to suffer. I’ll stand by her no matter what, because how could I live with myself if I wouldn’t.

My mum’s a fighter, all I can do is stand on the sideline and be there for her as much as possible. I will, I’ll be her cheerleader all the way, no matter what, because after all, that’s what she has been doing for me ever since I was born, be there for me. I’ve got you back mum, and so do the others


p.s. I’m sad to say she didn’t win from Covid19. She fought as hard as she could, but her body just couldn’t hold on. She’ll be missed. I might not be able to touch her anymore, but I know her spirit will always be with us.