Fail

Soooooooo…….. the personal trainer thing, discontinued by me, knees and hips don’t like it too much and started creaking more than they usually do. The using the Wii every morning, I love my bed too much. In other words, I fail…. Again.

I know, it is all on me. I should hang in and go on, but I don’t. Even worse, I don’t lose any sleep over it. It is wat it is. I should care more about is, but I don’t. Don’t I want to lose weight? Yes I do. Then why not do everything to lose it? Because I am lazy. I never said I am not, I know I am.

It is not like I don’t do anything. I try not to eat everything eatable within reach and I try to eat healthy things. I ride my bike to work (granted, electric bike, but still, movement). I am not cut out for working out and diets. I like good food and alcohol. So what I don’t fit into the small sizes? I’m an L to XL and I don’t mind.

I do try not to go bigger than I am though. And that takes enough effort as it is. I like to think there is more of me to love this way 😉

Whatever size you might be, if you are happy and reasonably healthy you should be fine with it. Don’t think you need to look like the supermodels, because you can’t live on a single leaf of lettuce and water. At least I don’t think that is healthy. You shouldn’t take it to the other end and eat everything you can. Be sensible, but live and love life, that is more important than being a stick. If you are a petite by build, good for you, enjoy it, it is beautiful to, but it is not the only beauty. Beauty comes from within, never ever forget that.

Love
Dreamer

Words

There are a couple of posts that are about being careful with words. Words I write down on the internet that is. I discovered I should take the same care in real life, because I am good at speaking my mind without thinking.

Obviously you can hurt people that way, or offend them, or something like that.
I have done that, without knowing, so let me try to correct it, online 😀

I befriended this wonderful couple. It started out with becoming friends with one of them at work, then I met her partner. A warm, caring, smart and beautiful man. I care for them both deeply. In order to make the writing and reading go smoother I shall give them fake names: Becky and Harry. I had never met his best friend Steven, but he talked about him a lot, as best friends do, so I had made a mental picture. I saw someone like Harry, sort of a Harry 2.0.

In my mind that is a compliment, it turns out, in Harries it is not, but that might have something to do with how I explained things to him, hang in there, we’ll get to that part.

In my mind’s eye I saw a man, just as loving, warm, caring, smart and beautiful. You know how we are all beautiful in our own way.
Harry is beautiful inside and out at least that is how I see him (and I know for sure Becky does too 😉 ). Harry loves his wife, making music, playing chess, watching good movies and a whole lot more, but aforementioned things are the things he talks about most.
I love hearing him talk, there is so much passion and knowledge! I love him for everything he is.

So now that you have a sort of mental picture (at least I hope so) let’s get to the part where I should have thought before speaking. The first time I met Steven was when Becky and Harry got married. As said, I had never met him, and the person that came in looked a lot different than my mental picture. In came a man that looked like an Italian cover picture, long hair, sharply dressed and looking like he was very much at ease with all the people surrounding him.

Now let me get this straight, Harry is not the complete opposite of Steven, he dresses sharply as well, but he has short hair and I feel Harry is more like me, not too comfortable with getting to much direct attention, unless it is from people he knows well.

I didn’t think about it, but foolish as I am I told Harry what I thought: I expected Steven to be a Harry 2.0, but instead here is this gorgeous man.

Yeah, not that nice if you think it through dreamer….
In my mind it would have been a compliment to be a Harry 2.0, but was I saying Harry isn’t gorgeous? I guess that is what it sounds like if I would have thought about it I might have rephrased it or not have said it out loud at all. You see, where Steven might have a classical beauty (the kind adds would use) Harry has the realistic beauty. The way his face lights up when he is talking about the things he loves or when he smiles. The way he is build. Harry is the one I would have had the courage to walk up to while I would shy away from Steven.

So dear Harry, please know in my mind being Harry 2.0 is the highest regard you can get.
You are the best.

Love
Dreamer

1 year anniversary

Believe it or not, but yesterday was my one year anniversary 😀
Not mine personally of course. That would be quit something a newly born writing a blog.
I think the blog could be quite interesting though. Can you imagine?

Today a new thing was hanging above me. It looks like daddy, but different. Why do all these thing make such weird sounds, I am going to have to learn them I guess in order to discover things a bit better.

Today was a good day, I had something new to eat and I love it. Something nice and soft has been placed besides me, I feel better when it is with me, safe in a way.

No I am not a baby, lucky for you, even though you would hear the wonder in every new thing it learns. By the time I would be able to walk I would be telling you about this thing my parents call fire. They tell me to stay away from it, but it is so beautiful I want to touch it. Bad idea. You will be reading how I found that out.

I am well in my thirties. So my stories are a bit different. But I hope you will read that I sometimes still wonder about things like a kid. Not often enough, I admit that, but I try to keep an open mind, as far as I can.

But one year, one year of what then? One year of blogging! One year of sharing things I feel and think. One year of opening up to strangers. One year of being vulnerable online. And what a year it has been. Ups, downs, I tried to share them all and I hope you have enjoyed it, I sure know I did.

I’ll make it a short blog this week, but I would like to thank the people who take time to read my post and even to comment. I enjoy every like and reaction. Even though I write for myself to start with, it is nice to be noticed and appreciated. So again thank you.

Love
Dreamer

Trip to Portugal

So I am in my third and last week of vacation. Last week has been spent in Portugal. Beautiful country, it was a blast. My partner and I have visited different cities and we have spent some time at the pool as well. A nice relaxing week in the sun.

After spending some time in the sun, not having to do anything you would think everyone goes home relaxed, but that’s not true for everyone. Our stay in Portugal wasn’t to exciting, we had a relaxed time, so there is not much to write about. That is up to our trip home. That was….. interesting. My partner likes to go home late, so you have the ‘whole’ day to enjoy the last bit of your stay. I hate that. I would rather fly early morning, because the last day isn’t a day where I feel ‘relaxed’ in doing stuff, because you have to keep an eye on the time.

Our last day was a nice one. We hired a car for the duration of our stay, so we didn’t have to wait for a bus to pick us up. After lunch we started driving to the airport and we stopped to see some towns/cities on our way there. Nice and relaxed. The returning of the car went smooth and soon we were standing at the airport. We had clothes to change into in our carry-on luggage so we wouldn’t return home in a skirt and shorts, after all, the temperature back home was still good, but it would be colder, especially because we would land late at night. So we changed our clothes. I changed in a toilet stall first while my partner watched the luggage, and then I ‘guarded’ our stuff while he changed his clothes. While waiting a man talked to me asking if we were doing the same as him and his friend, the answer was yes! I loved being able to speak proper English, because him and his friends were from there. We talked about our stay a bit and going home and stuff, just chitchat, but I loved it.

When my partner came back out we made our way to the first line to wait in. The one where you hand in your luggage and get your boarding passes. At first we had five lines, and only two of them were for people who didn’t have a boarding pass yet, that would be us :D. After a while two more desks were opened up for us, but we stayed in the line we were in, because after all, we had a seat on the plane, you would have to wait in a different place if you made haste here, so we didn’t mind the wait.

Now I don’t know how it happened, but for some reason there were two rows waiting for the same desk, so the people to our left were waiting to be helped at the same desk as us. I figured it would be like driving a car from a two lane to a single lane, you pull in like a zipper. Not all people in line felt the same. A lady to our left especially wanted it to be known she felt other people where cutting in front of here. Those people didn’t react to here though, so she felt she had to repeat it over and over. She was standing next to those people that were doing her wrong, so she told the lady she was with over and over: “These Oldies are going to cut in front of us, wanna bet. But let them or else they will be wail about it.” Obviously a grown up that made those remarks, I had trouble keeping a straight face. Those ‘Oldies’ were about her age or younger. We would have been behind this woman, but the lines to our left were emptied out and so we were asked to go there. We past this point before our adult friend, I loved it.

We went on to our second line to wait in, the one where they check you and the belongings you want to take on board of the plane. We showed our boarding passes and were directed to a line to wait in. In the line next to us were the ‘oldies’ from before, so my partner asked them if they didn’t mind our line was moving faster and had a laugh with them for the childish behaviour of the other woman. We put everything in the trays and walked through the metal detector. We could walk through without trouble and got our belongings back. At that point I noticed I was still wearing my watch when I walked through the metal detector! No one had noticed and the thing hadn’t made a noise. My partner noted he was still wearing his watch as well. So much for security, but hey, on to the waiting room before boarding.  We had been waiting in the first line for so long though that we already heard the announcer call for boarding the plane, so no waiting in the waiting room, strait through to the lines. They were short, so we got to the front in no time. The lady scanned our passes. A disapproving sound rang and her screen turned red. Oops. Now what. The screen said our boarding pass numbers did not occur in the list. How could that be? In the meantime the row behind us grew. I felt a bit ashamed even though I couldn’t help any of it. The lady checked the list of passengers, we were on it, still the boarding pass number was not recognised. Another person had to come take a look and after about ten minutes the thing was taken care of, we could go on. I was hoping we wouldn’t have more trouble boarding. It went flawless from that point.

In front of us in the plane was a couple with two kids, one of them still baby. We had the misfortune it cried about two of the three hours we were in the air. They can’t help that, so I didn’t mind, even though I normally hate noise. What I did mind though where here reactions to one of the cabin crew. The child had been silent for about a minute, then started up again. The steward passed her seat and started to sing ‘we are almost home’ to the baby. (The title is a direct translation). The woman flipped, said she had just calmed the kid down and it started to cry because of him now. I can tell you, it wasn’t him, the kid had begun to cry again before he started to sing. He meant well. Both parents told him to ‘walk on’. The woman stood up, kid in her arm and cursed loud enough for everyone on the plane to hear. The curse was both sacrilegious and hurting, because she placed a disease after the sacrilegious word. Not to nice. After a bit the steward came back to settle things because he didn’t feel good about how things had gone. He told them he had meant well and didn’t like here reacting the way she did, cursing with diseases and all. She actually acted like she didn’t get wat he meant and made him repeat it. Or she truly didn’t know, but that would be even sadder. Both sent him walking again, nog wanting to hear anything more from him. He wished them a pleasant flight. I felt for him. He tried to do something nice and this was the reaction he got!
I noticed both parents felt bad that everyone had to ‘deal’ with their crying kid, but that is no reason to react like that. She even whispered to her partner she was NOT going to apologise.

The wonderful thing about the flight was the pilot. He had so much passion for flying he kept using the intercom to tell us above what country we were and wat we could see (even though it was dark out). Why some regions had lights and others hadn’t. It was lovely. The last part of the flight brought another surprise. The pilot had told us what landing strip we would be using and that we had to taxi for about fifteen minutes after landing. Just before landing he told us we would be flying about five minutes longer, because we had been directed to another strip. Why? Because the plane before us had a tire blow out, so the landing strip we were supposed to land on had to be checked for rubber fragments so the next plane would not ‘trip up’.

Well that’s it. After that we got our luggage, went to our transport to get to our car and drove home. About a quarter past two that night we got into our own bed, in our own home. That is such a good feeling after a trip.

Love
Dreamer

To post or not to post, that’s the question.

Right now I am going to write a post of which I am not sure you are actually going to be able to read it. Meaning I need to write, but maybe I won’t put it online. Why? Several reasons. I don’t want to hurt people who think differently for one and I don’t want you to think I should be in a white coat with extra-long sleeves for another.

What is it that is on my mind then? Well I was wondering how much my believes should influence my reactions to others and in what extend I should hold on to them if it means hurting people.

I believe in god, but I don’t go to church. It may sound silly, but I don’t believe in god in the biblical sense. I do believe in him however. I believe god is love.
If you believe in god, why doesn’t he heal the sick and stop wars/crime you might ask. We are all free to make choices in our lives, if god stops war and crimes it means free will doesn’t exist either. I believe our lives here are just an in-between. A place to learn and grow, before we go on and grow in the spiritual world.
Just this believe will offend dozens of people. Please don’t be offended. I feel everyone should be free in what they believe, as long as believing doesn’t become something to hide behind.

That is why this post started in the first place. Believing something gives you something to hide behind as well as give you strength. At wat point does it turn from strength to a wall to hide behind. I mean… not everyone believes and with the people who believe there are so many believes that differ in ways that fanatics don’t even want to have anything to do with people that don’t have the same believe.

We are all people. We should all try to live the best live we can without hurting others. Spreading love is worth so much more than spreading hate and fear. Thing is everyone knows both love and fear, but we only tend to see our own feelings, not those of others. If you actually take time to think about their fears you might have to acknowledge you don’t differ as much as you thought.

I believe in ghosts and everything that comes with it (except maybe those TV shows that thrive on fear and special effects). Other people don’t, so wat. Well find out wat is true once we are dead, or not…. Main thing is, live the best way you can, respecting others.
I don’t claim to be able to see and hear the dead, I can’t. But if I could and others can’t, how far should I take that? Should I tell others what is right and wrong because the dead told me so? And if I did that, would that be hiding behind my believes? The other can only take your word for it, so…. If the other can’t experience the same ‘voices’ their view is different than yours.
It is like giving one person a paper to read about an event, the second person only the radio to tell them about it, a third person can see and hear it on the TV, than you have the person that was the eye witness and lastly the person that went through it. Even the event is exactly the same, they will all take it in differently. None of them are wrong, it is still the same event, but the feelings will make their point of view differ.

This is how things work every day. The way we perceive things are our point of view. If someone would come up to me and told me my deceased father would like me to join him and kill myself would I do it. NO! For one thing, my father would never say that, for the other, I didn’t hear it with my own ears. Yet there are whole groups of people that killed themselves because they were told to do so from a believe standpoint. Why? I will never understand, but I need to understand for myself that I will always have to try and find the point of view of the other person. Things that are normal and ok for me might hurt someone else, even if I don’t mean to. If I think I am right about something from what I believe in, but I know it will hurt someone else, am I in the right to hurt them, should I hold on to wat I believe in? Or should I tone it down and take the feelings of the other in account.
In my opinion it should be the latter. I still wonder. I am confused. I know loads of people that say, hell or high water, I come first, only then the other. If it hurts their feelings, too bad, time for them to deal with it and accept me for who I am. I get that sentiment, but should you not provide them with the same curtesy, accept them for who they are? Respect their feelings and standpoints? Maybe they are not the same, but that should not mean you should push yours through as more important than theirs. Try to meet in the middle. Sometimes I even try to take a look at their side of the road, and you know what, I am still alive and the fresh view even taught me some new things.

Well enough rambling. I am going to leave this post in my computer for some days, read it over in a while and see if it feels okay to post it. If you are reading this, feel free to give me your point of view and hopefully respect mine even if they are not the same.

Love
Dreamer

Vacation near home

So my three weeks of vacation have started. Woohooo! And what to do with all that free time on your hands? Well the first thing is of obviously sleep in. I LOVE to sleep. The second thing is spending as much time with my partner as I can ( I know, I know).

So our first day the weather was perfect for a lazy day. Sleep in for a very long time and hang around the house in sleeping wear. Lovely start. Bit of television, cuddling on the couch, the works.

Second day may partner says why not go to the outlet centre nearby (DO I HAVE THE PERFECT PARTNER OR WHAT!!!!) So we went shopping. Normally we don’t come home with too much stuff, but my boots needed replacing, so we did that, and we were both in need of a new winter coat. Luckily we both found a new one as well. Loads of money spend, only two days in, but it was nice :D.

Third day, we went for a bicycle trip. I said it would be nice to tread the city we live in like the ones we visited in our country. If we stay in our country, we often take our bikes or rent some and cycle around to get to know the place. Near our home there is a sign to follow with your bike, so why not pretend we don’t live here and start following the signs?
The signs work like this: Throughout the country there are bike trails. The signs are all around pointing you to a junction where you can decide where to go next. At the junction is a map and all you do is decide to follow a number on it by going where the signs point. Easy!
So we did that, we went to the first junction, decided where we wanted to go and followed the signs (no yellow brick roads, but he, loads of magic ;))

At one point there was this sign that warned for a KM of ground where wildlife could cross. Another couple was cycling in front of us and seemed to take the same route. We had hardly past the sign or out of the field to our left came a herd of cows onto the road in front of us and behind the other cyclists. The herd turned left, that meant the herd would be walking in front of us, because that was the way the sign pointed us to. We decided to slowly follow the cows. One of them stopped walking, turned sideways and stood there looking at us for a few seconds, before it turned again to follow the others. These cows seemed to be out for a jog without a farmer in sight! The first crossing we came to we thought to get rid of the cows, but they seemed to be following the same signs as us, because they turned left just like the sign said. I started thinking maybe they were like bulls, because the man cycling in front of them had on a red jacket. Was he the reason the cows went for a jog?

They stayed in front of us for a while and every turn they took seemed to be the way we were going. At one point they stopped jogging and started walking. The cow that had looked at us before did so twice more. My partner didn’t feel too comfortable, afraid the cows would decide to go back and come straight at us. Once they slowed down I decided to walk with my bike, in order not to spook the cows. I wasn’t afraid of them. To my knowledge cows are very calm and friendly animals. Then all at once they turned right, onto an area for hikers. Al of them hopped over the wooden obstacle that was on the ground and walked along, like it was an everyday thing. Nothing to see here. We could go straight ahead and lost the cows.

We met the other couple again at the next map. They asked if we ended up right in the middle. They had decided to go as fast as they could as soon as the cows came onto the road, afraid to end up in the middle and under hoofs if they would be accidentally knocked over. I told the man I was wondering if they were following his coat. He had been wondering the same. We were all wondering if a farmer would be looking for his cows now, because how often do cows go on a stroll. I had a blast. Afterward I asked my partner if we had been behind the cows about a KM. He asked why. My answer, because then it truly was 1 KM of ‘wildlife’ crossing.

Today we have been cycling again, but this time it was less eventful. None the less, I love spending time with my partner. Since the vacation started all my days have been dark blue. I love it!

Love
Dreamer

More exercise and other stuff

Ok, let’s start with the more exercise. My friend had the bright idea to put me on a race bike. That was quite a workout! But hell it hurts you back. I like it better than the exercises of the week before. I have been working out on the Wii as well, except for today and yesterday.

I think I am coming down with something, because my head feels stuffed and I keep sneezing. I feel tired as hell, but sleeping is difficult because the breathing gets hard. When I’m up it is ok, there is ooze inside, but not in the way of breathing. It is when I lay down or move my head in another position than upright that I know it is stuffed. It is like a glass ketchup bottle or something. When you turn it upside down you see the ketchup slowly make its way to the cap. Gravity wants it to be as near to the ground as possible. Same goes for the stuff in my head. You feel it moving as close to the ground as possible. If it could get to my toes, it would go there, I am sure of that.

Thing is, I can’t be getting sick, because I have just 1 day of work left before vacation starts. Three weeks to spend with my partner, without work or anything being in the way. I am looking forward to it. So is my partner. Spending time together is so important. Three weeks sounds like a long time, but it is over before we know it. Of course I will be trying to keep posting, but no promises are made 😀

Today is a day without much inspiration. I don’t know why, but I read somewhere, just type, things will come to you if you just try. You erase the junk and keep the good stuff. I am not going to erase the junk. You can skip it or read it if you want. I’ll just keep this post short.

I would like to end this post with a shout-out to people reading this that are having a tough time at the moment. And of course all others who need a boost, because this goes for everyone.

You are beautiful the way you are, no matter what they say. Asking for help when you can’t handle something on you own is not week, it takes strength, no one can do everything on their own. People who say they can are hiding a lot of pain/loneliness or other things. Be the best person you can be, nothing else, because even a smile or kind word spoken to some-one else can make a difference. Live with love in your heart, show that love to as many people as you can, and you will get love from others. Sure some people will try to crush you/take advantage of you and stuff, but a heart filled with love can withstand everything, even if sometimes it feels like it will break and not puff out again after some-one stood on it. Your heart is strong, you can do it!

Love
Dreamer