I am late!

And no, not like I am pregnant, more like I feel like the white rabbit of Alice in Wonderland right now. I need to leave home in about twenty minutes to go to work and I realised….
I did not write anything for my blog yesterday!!!!! I am late!!!! The next thing I thought was, do it tonight, but that’s no good, because I’ve got plans, so I’ll forget again.
Hell the reason I forgot in the first place was because I put it off yesterday, so…. I hope I can do this thing in a short amount of time and be happy with it. Maybe there are a bit more errors than you are used to, because normally I translate wat I wrote back to my own language for my mom, so she can have an update as well. Her English is not to strong, she is insecure about it, so I translate. A nice check for me. Not a secure check, because since I started putting these on soundcloud I come along a couple of mistakes, but… good enough I guess.
Luckily there are some things I know I can write about here right now, so the writing should not take too long 😀

Ok here I go, first subject carebears. I thought about them on my way to Rome and was wondering if I am the only adult that has this on their mind when seeing clouds. Whenever I see a nice big group of clouds I think about the carebears, because they lived on the clouds. So when going to Rome when we flew…… There was this nice big cloud and when you fly you are not just underneath. On earth you would not be able to see their home, but in the air, above the clouds…. I know it is not real, but hé a girl can dream right? So when above these beautiful clouds I thought about carebears and how I loved those things. Wouldn’t it be nice to see them on the clouds, just to know children around the world will have a little friend to help them if they need it.

Second subject. So not related to the first. I just wanted to share that with you but thought of it after the post I did last week. Second thing is that I started writing. Started…. I can’t promise I will finish. A friend of mine started writing a story just for her and her husband (sort of) and she asked me why I don’t write. My answer was that I do write, pointing out this blog. That was not wat she meant. She told me she loves the way I write and would like to read something else than just my blog. So I started writing…. So far I am in my second chapter of a story. I don’t know how long it will be, but it is fun to write again. Why again?

I had a story in my mind that I wanted to write since I was about 13 I guess. My favourite subject in school was writing stories. I never took the time to really do it though. Then at about 19 I started writing the thing down. After a couple of pages I lost interest and let it be.
A vacation came by, I wrote when I was at the pool, the story I had in my mind was still there, but it got a different starting point, it turned into a story in a story. We came back home. Interest was gone again.

Now years later I picked it up again, and behold… it is becoming a story in a story in a story. I want to stick with it this time though, but it is difficult to take the time and write. I need to push myself to work at it. I don’t know what will work though. Every week half a day or every day half an hour. Will I find my rhythm? Will I finish my story this time? I will keep you posted. And don’t ask me to write the story down here, because I am not writing it in English 😉

Love
Dreamer

Aftermath of Rome

I am back home. There is no place like it. I have had a great time in Rome, but it was good to sleep in my own bed again. You have been able to read a bit of it last week, and this week you will get the conclusion of it.

Let’s start with something that came back EVERY day. At every corner of every street you could find people selling baskets to tourist. A bowl that started out as a round plank of wo layers. One of these layers had a rim you could pull up and voila, you had a bowl/basket type thing. Letting it down again always made this clacking sound. Every evening while we were at the restaurant these men would come along to sell these ass well. The men in our little group started to call it ‘little clacker’, or at least that would be what they called it in English if I translate it the best I can. This happened Tuesday to start with. Wednesday the same man came along and called it little clacker when he passed our table and recognised us. On Thursday it was another man, so at our table the men said little clacker again. The man started to laugh, telling us his colleague had told him about us. Laughs all around.

The other thing you found everywhere accept at dinner luckily was a toy that looked like a pig. The people selling it had a crate with a board taped to one of the small sides. The would set that down on the other side, so it would form some kind of table. The toy would then be thrown on top of that board where it would flatten out completely, only to reform to its original shape. It made a sound that reminded me of a lamb every time they threw it down. I can’t believe they go to sleep not hearing that sound even when not throwing down these things, but maybe they don’t even hear it anymore.

You could also by a self-stick every other step you took and water. If you told the first man no, the next would still try, after all, there is a good possibility you will be wanting something from him after just two steps!

While ‘touristing’ through Rome I had several ideas of things I found funny and wanted to recollect for the blog. With no pen and paper at hand (learning curve) I forgot most of it though. Sorry.

One of the things I do remember (because I filmed the road to help myself remember, and get a good picture to use for the blog) is getting images of taxi’s trying to grab hold of people, to take them off to their lairs. Why? Because there are lanes in Rome that state “TAXI ATAC”. So obviously I see that as a warning or command maybe. Just like those fighting games: Taxi, atac!’ I know without the spellcheck of Word that you don’t write it like that, but it sounds the same in my head, so it means the same in my had. I see a Pokémon, yellow with a stripe of black and white squares along the side, ready to attack. Tell him to use “smog attack”, and he’ll turn around and use a tailpipe looking part on his body to smog things up!
Yeah I know, too much imagination.

Let’s go back to ‘touristing’. So on Thursday we have been to the Colosseum. I didn’t think too much of it before we went, but once inside it was beautiful. So well-structured and huge if you think about the fact they did not have the building tools we have. And the view! When you are inside the thing you can look into the ‘catacombs’.  The floor of the arena has been stripped of for a large part and you see the structure that lies beneath it. Wow! All the people that could have fit in there to watch a spectacle an all the things that must have happened in those ‘hallways’ underneath the floor. I can only imagine, and badly at that, because to be honest, history is not one of my strong suits.

After that we went to the basilica of St. Paul. There are actually two, one within the walls of Rome and one outside the walls of Rome. Thursday was for the one outside the walls. It was beautiful as well. I could have walked around for hours looking at all the paintwork inside. While looking up I saw all the popes where high up on the wall, in circular spots especially put there for them and only the current pope was lighted, so he stood out. I liked that detail. The dead popes in the ‘dark’ and the current one in the light.
I can’t tell you wat it is with churches. I mean, I was not brought op religious, but I love churches. Most of these buildings have such a wonderful atmosphere. And with churches I mean all kinds of religious buildings, I love to visit them because they breath peace most of the times. So did St. Pauls. Looking up at the paintwork I was in awe again.
On Friday my mother in law, my sister in law and I stumbled across the basilica of St. Paul within the walls as well. It is smaller than the other one, but beautiful none the less.
We were on our way to go shopping, since it was the last day when we came across it, and I am glad we did. The men missed this one :D.

Then time was up, we needed to catch a plane and so we did. Not much more to tell. No spectacular things happening to make a more spicy story. Not even my imagination could make anything of it, because I was ready to sleep. As said I am glad to be back home, away from loads of people, because even though I loved seeing all those beautiful things, all these people around you, in your space, take up a lot of your energy. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world though.

Love
Dreamer

 

 

When in Rome…

Act like a tourist. At least that’s what I am doing, so if there are more mistakes than usual, it is because my mobile device does not have Word that has an English spelling check and the keyboard of that same device keeps sugesting words in another language as well. Now you truly get to see how bad my English spelling is, but that should only add to the fun. Another thing that comes with me being in Rome, this will be a longer post than u are used to, after all, what better time to keep a diary than this?

So, I am in Rome, but dit not want to skip the blog. Solution, see above. Now hopefully I will be able to place it, time will tell.

Rome is beautifull, the language sounds like it is sung and the sun is shining, at least up ‘till now. The yourney here was great. For the first time ever I had breackfast on a plane, included in the ticket! There was this weird lady that sat in the same row of seats as I did, but after a while two people could prove with their tickets she was in the wrong seat. Turns out her seat was on the third row, she was sitting in the fourth. She took her sweet time gathering her belongings and relocating as if there where no other people boarding!!!

I allways love that moment the plane takes off. The rumble of the engines, the thrust you feel at take off and the rollercoaster feeling to get to the right hight! After that is is like riding a train, but with better view. I remember thinking the rivers below us looked like a spiders web. Sadly I completely missed the landing because I was talking, so it startled me when the plane touched down. On the other hand that means I had a good time on the plane.

So we had arrived, Wooohooooo, Rome here we come!!!! So the first order of business is getting a ride for six to the hotel one of us in a wheelchair. We have covered travel during our stay, but the transfer moments between airport and hotel got canceled last minute. We had been walking around at the airport for a while, searching for a specific transfer company we could not find. Several people had come up to us to offer their services. One off them huried of quite suddenly and not to long after we found out why. Airport security came our way. At first I thought we where in trouble, even though we didn’t do anything wrong. He said: “only white taxi”. I felt like a spy that forgot the codeword. Luckily nu sister in law knew wat was going on. He told us to only take a white taxi, because those are legit.

Right now we are two days in, when I try to post this in the morning our third day wil start. So far we have seen the pantheon, the trevi fountain and Vatican city. The last one we did today. I found It beautifull, espacially the Saint Peter cathedral. I walked in and literally lost my breath after the second step. Right after I got the urge to cry my eyes out, no clue as to why. The feeling left me the moment I went outside, but I have taken my time inside, it was so beautifull. Literally breathtaking in my case. Next stop will be the colloseum, looking forward to that to.

Not to far from the hotel we have found a restaurant that will be our place for dinner during all of our stay. Not to expensive, good service and most important good food and drinks.

I will go on being a tourist untill Friday, such punishment being here :D. At the beginning I wrote the post would be longer, but I find I want to sleep when I enter my room, so the writing is quite compact, but I will try to remember the best bits and maybe elaborate on this in a later blog. This is it for now. Write to you later.

Love dreamer

 

 

Poisonous?

Time for a break, I sit down, take my grapefruit and plan on enjoying this nice piece of fruit. Normally I would cut it in half and use a spoon to eat it, but since I am at work I decide to peel it and eat it like an orange. Jummie.

It has a tough peel, tougher than I am used to. Normally I can break it open using my nails, but that does not work with this one. Well, no knife at hand, so I will use my teeth, even though I really don’t like the taste.

I start Peeling it when I suddenly realize… my tongue is tingling, my lips feel like they are burning a bit…is this OK? I know I am not allergic to grapefruit. I eat those regularly.
Then why..?

I come to the realization that this could be a result of pest control substances. Is it poisonous?
Wil it kill me? I know it won’t be that drastic, but I like to be a drama queen in my head. Just like my stories before bedtime, I see a whole story unfold in my head.
It takes a while for the stuff to get into my body, the doctors can’t explain why I am dying. It takes days for them to do tests and a lot of effort to keep me alive. They did not listen to me when I told them about the thought of pest control substances, but after a few days some doctor says: “let’s take this thing she said into account to find a cure”. At that point they find out what poison is in my body and the safe my life just in time.

But seriously, how come this tingling/burning happened after I bit the peel? I’ve never had this happen before, but then again, I never bite the peel because of this bitter taste it has. If it is not poisons used to keep creepy crawlers at bay, then what is it?
My mind goes wild again. Maybe it is something made in a laboratory that was put on this grapefruit especially. Secret agent like people are keeping an eye on me now, because they want to know what the stuff put in/on this piece of fruit will do to someone. After I while I won’t need my glasses anymore, my hearing gets better, I get stronger. I become an enhanced human being and then they will recruit me to make the world a better place!

No, that won’t be it. Highly improbable. It could be a person that hates grapefruits or marketplaces that has spilled a poison on purpose, in hopes people that eat the fruit or go to the market will die and no-one will want to go to the market anymore. This is his revenge for a bat piece of fruit or for waiting in line to long or because he did not like the way one of the sales people has looked at him. Or maybe because another visitor of the market has bumped into him once without apologizing.
It could be this person normally buys grapefruits, and the poison was meant for him/her and now I ended up with the thing and die.

Or maybe it is a fact that I am developing an allergic reaction after all. I can’t eat (fresh) pineapple without my throat clamping up a bit either. Time will tel. As long as I am able to breath after eating those things, even though with less capacity than normal, I will eat them!!

Love
Dreamer

 

 

Spiders

I am afraid of those things… spiders. Brrr. Just the thought of them sends shivers through my spine. I have been afraid of them ever since I can remember.

My dad always told me they are more afraid of me then I am of them, but I doubt it. He saw me react to one of those big black hairy ones at one time and realised how afraid I am of those things. The monster crawled out of my jacket pocket, while it lay besides me on the armrest of the couch. As soon as I saw the thing I pushed my jacket to the ground, got as far away from it as I could and started crying. Tears of fear, I thought I had a heart attack.

Then there is this time at school. I noticed a big black blotch on the ceiling. Jep, a spider. I was the first to arrive, no-one there but me and this thing. I kept an eye on it, because these creeps are fast. Obviously when my classmates arrived they saw me looking at the ceiling and boys will be boys, they started to throw stuff at it to get it down from the ceiling. It was one of those ceilings with loose plates in them. They managed to get the plate crooked in the ceiling before the teacher arrived, but the spider stayed firmly on it.
Keeping my eyes on the spider I dashed underneath it into the classroom. Safe… or so I thought. The boys won from the spider at some point and got it down, they threw him my way, it skidded over the desktop of the desk one row in front of me, fell to the ground, right at my feet. Before anyone could blink, I was on top of the desk behind me, my feet on my chair, hyperventilating. Luckily the girl next to me noticed I was moments from passing out so she stepped on the spider. Safe at last.

I know, these are just small compared to spiders in some countries. I will never visit those and if I would have been born there my family would have either moved or given me up for adoption to another land. Third option, I would have died of fear already.

I try to be better with them, I leave the little ones at home alive, just to ‘grow’ as a person, but man they don’t make it easy for me. Those hairy ones I mentioned before, I guess their body feels as big as the top digit of my thumb, but is in fact about half the size of it. (It’s those legs, they make them feel so big). Not too long ago I woke up, went to the toilet and….. there was one of them in the toilet bowl. In the water, but very much alive. I hardly dared to flush! Afraid it would ‘surf’ itself out of there. When it was flushed down, I flushed once more, just to be on the safe side. Brrr.

The trouble with this situation was… they always come in pairs.  There was just one in the toilet. Where is the other one? My partner said they already killed it, but I don’t believe that. They know how terrified I am, so they will say anything to keep me calm. To this day I have not found the missing spider. Every time I enter the toilet I go through this ritual. Open the door, see if there is no spider on there. Check the doorposts for a spider, then the floor and visible parts of the toilet when standing outside of it. Carefully come closer so I see more and more and more of the toilet. Eventually with every risk involved stick my head into the space and look at the ceiling and other high points. When no spider is to be seen I can go to the toilet, but better make it quick, because he may have I hiding spot I don’t know about.

How do I come to telling you this. This morning I got attacked by one of the little spiders in my home. I sat in my chair, like every morning, watching something on my laptop, when suddenly a tickle on my arm. Not the first time, I have got long hairs that fall out all the time and tickle me when they land on my skin. I look down to swipe the hair of my arm without thinking and see….. a spider!!!! One of those little spiders with a pinhead sized body, but legs like they never end. I get out of the chair, frantic. I swipe down my body several more times, but I do not see a spider running away from me. I don’t see it in the chair or near the laptop either. WHERE IS IT?!! I swipe my body a couple more times, just to be on the safe side. That has been about half an hour ago, I still have not found the spider and I took a seat in the couch instead of sitting back down in the chair. No way! So maybe it was just my imagination.

As long as I am standing because of swiping of a spider, let’s get to the kitchen and prepare lunch. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THIS MORNING?!! I literally exclaimed that out loud when entering the kitchen, because there was another spider, same size and make as in the chair. Not high up at the ceiling, no… hand level, just above the stove. I kept my eye on it while I prepared my lunch. Let’s get out of the kitchen then. Shit I forgot something. I get back in there…. The spider is gone! Am I going crazy, seeing spiders everywhere?
I swear. I itch all over just thinking about this, writing about this. My heart is beating faster than it should. I am actually glad I have to get to work in a minute, just to get away from these monsters.

Do I exaggerate? Yes, I do, you have read my stuff (if not go read it and you will agree). This however is not an exaggeration on my part, this is actually how afraid I am of those things. I do not look at pictures of them on the net, so I know I will get the creeps every time I see the picture I am planning on putting with this blog. It is the actual living spider in my actual toilet. THE HOROR!

I know I am bigger and I could easily kill them. I don’t need you to tell me that. I know, but still…. I am so glad I am not Ron Weasley going into the forest to find aragog or Sam or Frodo! That is how those spiders feel to me though. Huge black monsters with too many eyes, that keep an eye on you and will take you down when you are not looking.

Love
Dreamer

 

 

Freedom

Strange thing, feeling free.
Not free as in not in jail, free as in not boxed in by society.

I don’t get this feeling that much, as you might have gathered by reading my blog.
The few times I get this feeling are moments that funnily enough are not accepted by all of society.

The first time this feeling came upon me has been about ten to eleven years back. I had found my first job and left the home I grew up in. My brothers are all quite some years older, one of them lived alone, liked some company, so I went to live with him. Two free spirits that in some ways do not fit into our society as it is now. After work we could decide to go to the beach for a swim first, then go home and get something to eat. It was wonderful.

The first time at the beach was the first time of freedom. Don’t judge me on wat I will tell you now, because it might not be accepted by all, but it is quite natural.

My brother and I decided to go to the beach. I told him I was wearing my swimsuit under my clothes and ready to go. At that time he realized we had not been to the beach together in a while and there had to be changes to his style. He was used to go to a nudist beach. He told me he would get his swim trunks, but I decided he did not have to change because of me, so I went to the beach he always went to.

I will not lie, the first few minutes where terrifying. After that I decided this is the best way to go to the beach.
For the first time in my life there wasn’t a moment I felt awkward or different.

Normally I would have straightened out my bathing suit about a hundred times. I would constantly think about what others would think if they saw me.
After five minutes on this beach that was all gone. The whole beach felt like one body of mother nature. Every time I take time to visit a sauna or a nudist beach I feel this freedom of not questioning myself and I truly enjoy being who I am for all there is. Too bad I can’t feel this way about myself all the time. I try, but I am to self-conscious to..

Well you can’t have everything so I will just enjoy the moments I feel like this to the max.
I hope you feel good about yourself (even if I don’t feel good about myself all the time) because for me, we are all beautiful.

Love
Dreamer

Boomerang

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times.

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. It is scary to do so, but…. since I am doing this diary thing, vulnerability is a part of that right? Well, here I go:

I used to read books before I went to sleep, but that somehow changed. Nowadays I imagine my own adventures. Things that would be impossible to do, unless you are an actor I imagine. In my world I can be who I want to be. The hero, the damsel in distress, the knowledgeable friend, anything.

Now these stories take a long time to unfold and end. Every night I go to bed, try to remember where I was, and go on with the story. Most nights I fall asleep without getting through it, but a couple of nights back I finished one.

Why is that important to share? Because it is that ending that made me want to write this.

An outline of the story with fictional names…. Henry is in love with Peter. This is a problem, because Peter loves me (hé, my stories, so why not have an important role). Henry tries to charm Peter, but it does not work. Next step… Peter and I get locked up by Henry. Long story short… Henry is mean, I try to understand and help, one of Henry’s helpers gets remorseful and calls the cops. Peter gets mortally wounded, and help arrives just in time for him to survive.

Wooohooo, now why in the world would you want to put that in you diary? Because of the words I said to Henry just before they took him in. Now I know none of this happened for real, so maybe the words will be perceived as meaningless, but I want to share them none the less.

“you are trying to figure out what happened and you do not understand why your friend helped us. I already told you, if you truly love someone you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you, but there is another side to love. You see, love is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you. This boomerang is blunt, so it will not hurt when you receive it. The same goes for hate. It comes back to you, same as love, but that boomerang is razor sharp. The hurt it brings others, will ultimately end up coming to you. I would rather use love to change the world. It is up to you to choose if you want to keep using hate, but maybe it is smarter to use love instead. Just remember, do not send it out with the intention to receive, because the best love is the love given without anything in return. That is the love that will return to you if you have enough patience.”

Now I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Feel free to share if you did.

Love Dreamer