Boomerang

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times.

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. It is scary to do so, but…. since I am doing this diary thing, vulnerability is a part of that right? Well, here I go:

I used to read books before I went to sleep, but that somehow changed. Nowadays I imagine my own adventures. Things that would be impossible to do, unless you are an actor I imagine. In my world I can be who I want to be. The hero, the damsel in distress, the knowledgeable friend, anything.

Now these stories take a long time to unfold and end. Every night I go to bed, try to remember where I was, and go on with the story. Most nights I fall asleep without getting through it, but a couple of nights back I finished one.

Why is that important to share? Because it is that ending that made me want to write this.

An outline of the story with fictional names…. Henry is in love with Peter. This is a problem, because Peter loves me (hé, my stories, so why not have an important role). Henry tries to charm Peter, but it does not work. Next step… Peter and I get locked up by Henry. Long story short… Henry is mean, I try to understand and help, one of Henry’s helpers gets remorseful and calls the cops. Peter gets mortally wounded, and help arrives just in time for him to survive.

Wooohooo, now why in the world would you want to put that in you diary? Because of the words I said to Henry just before they took him in. Now I know none of this happened for real, so maybe the words will be perceived as meaningless, but I want to share them none the less.

“you are trying to figure out what happened and you do not understand why your friend helped us. I already told you, if you truly love someone you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you, but there is another side to love. You see, love is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you. This boomerang is blunt, so it will not hurt when you receive it. The same goes for hate. It comes back to you, same as love, but that boomerang is razor sharp. The hurt it brings others, will ultimately end up coming to you. I would rather use love to change the world. It is up to you to choose if you want to keep using hate, but maybe it is smarter to use love instead. Just remember, do not send it out with the intention to receive, because the best love is the love given without anything in return. That is the love that will return to you if you have enough patience.”

Now I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Feel free to share if you did.

Love Dreamer

Vantage point

It is a strange thing to experience the different points of view people have when it comes to the same thing.

It is a strange thing to experience the different points of view people have when it comes to the same thing. Funny in a way, but strange. The most difficult thing about it… not judging someone else on their way of looking at things.

How did this come to mind? Well… if I tell you I have this problem…..physical, and it has been causing me a lot of pain, for a long time now. We discovered what the problem is a while ago and now I can finally get an operation to get rid of the pain.

My point of view: Specialists are busy people, I am glad we found the problem and I can get help relatively quick. In just a short while, the pain will be gone and life will be just right again.

Family and friends: Finally, that took long enough!!!! We are very glad you will be operated on, so you can live your life without pain.

The reactions one might expect, right? I am happy with these reactions. Then there is this one reaction and it needs a picture painted:

My hobby is singing… I wanted to act a bit as well and with some difficulty I found a group of people to sing with. Love it. Everyone is great. We have a performance next month, I sing a song in it and have two lines of dialogue. Nice right!!!!

I do not want to miss it, but….. I am in pain, everyone there can see it and they are glad I am going to be pain free if everything goes as it should. The all say they hope I can be at the performance, but my health is more important, so don’t worry and see what happens. Everything will be OK.

Then there is the person that is there mostly for our singing, but is our overall artistic leader. Here comes the different point of view. We have been working hard to make it a good production (we are just small fish in the ocean of acting and singing, kids trying to imitate the grownups, but we have a lot of fun doing this), it is taking shape and becoming a very fine performance, something to be proud of! I come along, (a song and two active lines), to say I am getting an operation, very close to the performance. PANNIC!!!!!!!! What about the musical? Does your doctor know you have a performance to do, what does he say about it. We need you to do your part!!!! (we do not have understudies of course, so it might be possible someone has to fill in for me) After rehearsal I got the personal questions, what is wrong with me, how much pain am I in, is this the only way to get rid of the pain (yes, the only way left). If I do get the operation, tell the anaesthetist to be careful with my vocal cords.

Now I have had talks with our artistic leader about what is wrong with me (and it is nothing serious, just painful) so it should have been known, but this person is a bit older (over sixty) and enthusiastic about the play and everything around it.

I honestly do not thing they want to walk right over me and my feelings, it is just something that popped into their mind at that time. It does not feel too great to have these questions instead of ‘how are you feeling about it’, but I can understand it. I intend to be there, because for personal reasons, this will be an important performance, so… keep your fingers crossed?

Love

Public Dreamer