Spiders

I am afraid of those things… spiders. Brrr. Just the thought of them sends shivers through my spine. I have been afraid of them ever since I can remember.

My dad always told me they are more afraid of me then I am of them, but I doubt it. He saw me react to one of those big black hairy ones at one time and realised how afraid I am of those things. The monster crawled out of my jacket pocket, while it lay besides me on the armrest of the couch. As soon as I saw the thing I pushed my jacket to the ground, got as far away from it as I could and started crying. Tears of fear, I thought I had a heart attack.

Then there is this time at school. I noticed a big black blotch on the ceiling. Jep, a spider. I was the first to arrive, no-one there but me and this thing. I kept an eye on it, because these creeps are fast. Obviously when my classmates arrived they saw me looking at the ceiling and boys will be boys, they started to throw stuff at it to get it down from the ceiling. It was one of those ceilings with loose plates in them. They managed to get the plate crooked in the ceiling before the teacher arrived, but the spider stayed firmly on it.
Keeping my eyes on the spider I dashed underneath it into the classroom. Safe… or so I thought. The boys won from the spider at some point and got it down, they threw him my way, it skidded over the desktop of the desk one row in front of me, fell to the ground, right at my feet. Before anyone could blink, I was on top of the desk behind me, my feet on my chair, hyperventilating. Luckily the girl next to me noticed I was moments from passing out so she stepped on the spider. Safe at last.

I know, these are just small compared to spiders in some countries. I will never visit those and if I would have been born there my family would have either moved or given me up for adoption to another land. Third option, I would have died of fear already.

I try to be better with them, I leave the little ones at home alive, just to ‘grow’ as a person, but man they don’t make it easy for me. Those hairy ones I mentioned before, I guess their body feels as big as the top digit of my thumb, but is in fact about half the size of it. (It’s those legs, they make them feel so big). Not too long ago I woke up, went to the toilet and….. there was one of them in the toilet bowl. In the water, but very much alive. I hardly dared to flush! Afraid it would ‘surf’ itself out of there. When it was flushed down, I flushed once more, just to be on the safe side. Brrr.

The trouble with this situation was… they always come in pairs.  There was just one in the toilet. Where is the other one? My partner said they already killed it, but I don’t believe that. They know how terrified I am, so they will say anything to keep me calm. To this day I have not found the missing spider. Every time I enter the toilet I go through this ritual. Open the door, see if there is no spider on there. Check the doorposts for a spider, then the floor and visible parts of the toilet when standing outside of it. Carefully come closer so I see more and more and more of the toilet. Eventually with every risk involved stick my head into the space and look at the ceiling and other high points. When no spider is to be seen I can go to the toilet, but better make it quick, because he may have I hiding spot I don’t know about.

How do I come to telling you this. This morning I got attacked by one of the little spiders in my home. I sat in my chair, like every morning, watching something on my laptop, when suddenly a tickle on my arm. Not the first time, I have got long hairs that fall out all the time and tickle me when they land on my skin. I look down to swipe the hair of my arm without thinking and see….. a spider!!!! One of those little spiders with a pinhead sized body, but legs like they never end. I get out of the chair, frantic. I swipe down my body several more times, but I do not see a spider running away from me. I don’t see it in the chair or near the laptop either. WHERE IS IT?!! I swipe my body a couple more times, just to be on the safe side. That has been about half an hour ago, I still have not found the spider and I took a seat in the couch instead of sitting back down in the chair. No way! So maybe it was just my imagination.

As long as I am standing because of swiping of a spider, let’s get to the kitchen and prepare lunch. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THIS MORNING?!! I literally exclaimed that out loud when entering the kitchen, because there was another spider, same size and make as in the chair. Not high up at the ceiling, no… hand level, just above the stove. I kept my eye on it while I prepared my lunch. Let’s get out of the kitchen then. Shit I forgot something. I get back in there…. The spider is gone! Am I going crazy, seeing spiders everywhere?
I swear. I itch all over just thinking about this, writing about this. My heart is beating faster than it should. I am actually glad I have to get to work in a minute, just to get away from these monsters.

Do I exaggerate? Yes, I do, you have read my stuff (if not go read it and you will agree). This however is not an exaggeration on my part, this is actually how afraid I am of those things. I do not look at pictures of them on the net, so I know I will get the creeps every time I see the picture I am planning on putting with this blog. It is the actual living spider in my actual toilet. THE HOROR!

I know I am bigger and I could easily kill them. I don’t need you to tell me that. I know, but still…. I am so glad I am not Ron Weasley going into the forest to find aragog or Sam or Frodo! That is how those spiders feel to me though. Huge black monsters with too many eyes, that keep an eye on you and will take you down when you are not looking.

Love
Dreamer

 

 

Freedom

Strange thing, feeling free.
Not free as in not in jail, free as in not boxed in by society.

I don’t get this feeling that much, as you might have gathered by reading my blog.
The few times I get this feeling are moments that funnily enough are not accepted by all of society.

The first time this feeling came upon me has been about ten to eleven years back. I had found my first job and left the home I grew up in. My brothers are all quite some years older, one of them lived alone, liked some company, so I went to live with him. Two free spirits that in some ways do not fit into our society as it is now. After work we could decide to go to the beach for a swim first, then go home and get something to eat. It was wonderful.

The first time at the beach was the first time of freedom. Don’t judge me on wat I will tell you now, because it might not be accepted by all, but it is quite natural.

My brother and I decided to go to the beach. I told him I was wearing my swimsuit under my clothes and ready to go. At that time he realized we had not been to the beach together in a while and there had to be changes to his style. He was used to go to a nudist beach. He told me he would get his swim trunks, but I decided he did not have to change because of me, so I went to the beach he always went to.

I will not lie, the first few minutes where terrifying. After that I decided this is the best way to go to the beach.
For the first time in my life there wasn’t a moment I felt awkward or different.

Normally I would have straightened out my bathing suit about a hundred times. I would constantly think about what others would think if they saw me.
After five minutes on this beach that was all gone. The whole beach felt like one body of mother nature. Every time I take time to visit a sauna or a nudist beach I feel this freedom of not questioning myself and I truly enjoy being who I am for all there is. Too bad I can’t feel this way about myself all the time. I try, but I am to self-conscious to..

Well you can’t have everything so I will just enjoy the moments I feel like this to the max.
I hope you feel good about yourself (even if I don’t feel good about myself all the time) because for me, we are all beautiful.

Love
Dreamer

Story Matters

Remember my first entry?
I told you about how I started the blog and I mentioned Curt Mega’s Podcast.
I did not mention the name of the podcast, so I will correct that in this blog.
The title states it: Story Matters.

I love listening to this podcast, because it helps to put life into perspective. You get to step away from your own thoughts for a while and get to listen to wonderful minds at work.

I started listening from the beginning, because I am do not like to start things in the middle, but I had soon listened to all episodes and was waiting for more.

Apparently lately not that many people listen anymore and that might bring an end to the podcast. I get that, it takes time and effort to make it, and if you do it for yourself, why do it?
I do it, because it has turned into a hobby/therapy, but for him it is income.

The thing I like about it is the passion you hear in every episode about the things they are talking about. For the first season Curt has guests in most of the episodes. He talks to them about who they are, what the like/dislike, how they came to be who/where they are. Since he comes from the entertainment industry, the guests are as well, as are most topics. But the layers people… Listen carefully, because there is so much being said in the podcast that might change you view on things.

There are not only interview episodes. Some of them are Curt thinking out loud, some are stories of his, some are stories he made with his Patreon backers and in the new season he is joined by Kim Whalen and Michael Tobias. They have good chemistry together.

Recently I started posting my blogs on SoundCloud as well. Again, I started to branch out because of story matters. Just so it will be there for people to stumble on to. In hopes they like it, for when you have time to listen, but not to read. I listen to Story Matters on my way to work/home. I figured that would be ideal for when you do not have time to read my blogs, but would not want to miss them. As with listening to  Curt’s podcast, I started at the beginning of my posts. Do not underestimate how much work goes into putting something online! I do not even do it professionally (he uses professional stuff and all), but to get it just right without stumbling through my words, it takes a huge effort.

I hope that even though I do not have huge following, I will set something in motion. I hope a lot of people that did not know about the podcast will find their way to it. Take a listen please. If you like it, stay tuned. If you don’t like it, that is ok, not everyone likes the same thing. Just do one thing for me, please. Give Story Matters a try. I am hooked. I hope you will be to.
Let me know what you think about Story Matters!

Love
Dreamer

P.S. Here is a link to Story Matters on SoundCloud. If you want other links (I-tunes for example) go to my Facebook or twitter account. I shared post of Story matters, and Curt puts in loads of links to help you find him. Even better go to the Story Matters Facebook account! I will give you a link to that as well :D.

https://soundcloud.com/storymatterspodcast
https://www.facebook.com/StoryMattersPodcast/

 

 

 

Mario Cart

Ok I am going to share some more embarrassing stuff, but it gave me such a big smile yesterday that I just have to 😀

As you may have taken away from earlier posts I ride a bicycle very often. Cyclists should know there is something as curtesy rules while on a bike. I think I break a lot of those rules. No, not traffic rules, curtesy rules.

So what do these rules entail? When you think about it they will be very obvious. You never fart when there are people cycling behind you, you don’t listen to music without headphones, you make sure your body odour is under control, that sort of thing. In other words you take into account you are not alone on the road and since you are not in the protective cover of a car, other cyclists might be bothered by some things.

Let’s be honest, you would not like it to be riding your bike behind someone that did not shower for a week (exaggeration, I know, but still, you get the point), while you would not mind staying behind someone that put on some nice perfume of deodorant.

About that music rule… I think it changed through time, because a lot of people (especially the school going type) listen to their music without headphones, so we all can ‘enjoy’ it.

I am not that much better mind. Why? Well I listen to my music with headphones, but the music I listen to are the practice tracks for the choir I sing with. Did you guess why I am not that much better? I think you might even say I am worse, because instead of the music people get my voice to listen to, no music at all, and not the complete song, because other vocal groups are missing. Let’s just say people are happy I do not sing the soprano part.

So yesterday I was on my way home when I started getting cramps. The stomach kind. There are a lot of people on the road (on bicycle), so I have to behave and let the cramp be. At one point it just feels awful, so I decide to let some ‘air’ out. You know, just let it slip out silently, so no one will know, but I will be more comfortable. I lift my but a bit, because as you might know, farting when seated is very difficult, and…… The sound that came out was deafening!
Now there was someone on a bicycle behind me. Not directly behind me, but I figure he had to have heard. And not only he, the people in front of me must have heard as well. The sound of it could have waken the dead!

Now I get red in the face, I feel ashamed, but at the same time I let out a very high pitched shot laugh (hah). Even though I knew it was wrong, I found it funny, because I did not see it coming. Now this is where the title comes to play. In my mind the thing gets a lot funnier, because all of a sudden I think about Mario Cart. I see the cyclist behind me being slowed down by a cloud of gas and I have to be honest, at this point I am laughing in my mind. So funny. Lucky for me it did not come to the point I had to stop along the side of the road because of laughter, but knowing me it easily could have.

I wanted to write this piece when I got home, but other things had to be done first, then I started to waver, is it a thing I want to put online, maybe I’d better not.
This morning I woke up still having the memory of yesterday and wanting to share it. Shortly after my mind created an even better picture. I don’t just slow the other ‘drivers’ down with gas, but I sling out musicals notes to them as well. The Mario Cart picture gets more and more complete in my mind. What the… I will share the story online. Why keep the fun all to myself, right.

I hope you enjoyed it, because I certainly did. You should see the smirk on my face at this point 😀

 

Love dreamer

Escape rooms

One thing I know for certain…. I LOVE escape rooms.

I had this hen party.
NO NOT MY OWN HEN PARTY!
A friend of mine got married this month, so last month was time for a hen party.
Not one with drinking until you can’t walk, strippers, fake male body parts or weird assignments. Just a girls evening out with presents, girl talk, diner and an escape room!

I just love those things. Years ago, before you could actually try and escape one physically I did those things online. My first one ever being the crimson room. It got me hooked. I was an intern at that time, and everyone at the office was trying to get out of this online room. Everyone wanted to be the first to get out! I got out on my own and as far as my memory goes.. first. But who knows, someone else might remember it differently.

Since crimson room I have escaped loads of rooms on the internet. Even rooms that had Japanese signs for speech. I had no idea wat was going on, but I HAD to get out.
After years of online escaping I heard someone talk about escape rooms and asked how they liked doing this online. I got a blank look back.
“What do you mean online? This is an actual room they lock you in. It is not something you do online!”
Uh wrong, that’s where it started, but as I heard than for the first time ever, they were starting to pop up in real life!!!!!
Mind you I did not think they could be as good as online, after all, you have to make things physically possible, while you can get away with things online that can’t happen in real life.

Now these things are not cheap, but man….. are they fun! I have done three by now. The first one ever had the theme around the world. We got locked into a room where we had to open cabinets in order to get flags from around the world. Each flag had a number, put them in the right order from left to right as they would follow if you travel the earth and you have the code to open the door.

At one point a cabinet turned out to be a door to a small room! I felt like a kid in a candy store. Stoked to the bone, you could not have made me happier. We had to fill a cup with hot water to have numbers revealed by the steam, a sink filled up with water to get a key on a floater, put sparkplugs stars in a puzzle chest to light the fireplace, where a code became visible, all stuff like that! If only one of us would have been smart enough to have taken the globe of the desk to put all flags in order, instead of using the huge flattened out map on the wall, we would have gotten out, but still, wonderful.

The second one I did had changed since first use. There where locks with letters to start with and now they were locks with numbers, so it was more difficult to find the right puzzle pieces. We got out in time, but it was not as much fun as the first (no secret rooms to discover and all). The story was, we were in a laboratory under water and he air was running out, so we needed to get out.

The one at the hen party was the best until now though! Billy the kid was looking for gang members and in order to become part of his gang we had to get out of the saloon, get our friends out of jail (some of us actually started in another part of the room, out of sight and earshot) and we needed to break into the bank and blow up the safe, within an hour. It did not have one secret room, nooooooo, there were about FIVE areas you had to get to! Enough puzzles to solve for all of us. One of them I would have never thought to find in real life… A key in a piano, that would only fall out if you played the correct tune! It was soooooooooooo good. Forget the candy store, I felt like Charlie after he inherited the factory of Willy Wonka.

Now if you ever want to get to know future colleagues, friends, family members or whoever, just go to an escape room, because they will lock you up in a room for an hour and you have to get out by working together. Trust me, you will get to know each other on a new level. I found that I had to stay clear of someone in the second room because they worked on my nerves! But hey, we survived and I keep clear of this person if I can, but I know we can be civil with each other when we need to.

One thing I know for certain…. I LOVE escape rooms.

Love dreamer

(PS I’ve started an audio version of my blog as well: https://soundcloud.com/user-986536068/01-introduction)

Time flies

Another week has past already!!!!
Time flies……
Oke here I go….

Another week has past already!!!!
Time flies……

So last week I told you there was a lot to tell since I had been busy with my studies.
Yeah, there was….. but my memory you know.
Sometimes you’d think I should live in a retirement home.
I don’t remember the things I wanted to tell you.
I know, I should have written it down, but…. Yeah lazy, remember.
Oooo wait, there it is…. One of the things to tell, I remembered!!!!
I feel sooooooo happy 😀

Oke here I go….

Ever heard of fear of heights? I am afraid of those things. Not just when you are up really really high, but even when you are just at 1st floor. Now I have gathered there are different ways to interpret that, depending on where you live, so let me elaborate…. First floor for me is just one floor up from street level.

At work the genius architect decided it would be stylish to have the first floor stop about midway (just the bit of first floor that is directly above the entry hall), where you get al railing and you can look out over the ground floor. The building consists of three towers, of which two are in use for office space. To get from one tower to the other you have to cross this nice HALF first floor. I NEVER looked down because man, I start sweating and getting cold when I did that. When I walk there I always look at the ceiling. The architect had another bright idea though…. The part where you cross directly over the counter where guests report is just a bridge. You have open space besides you at both sides!!!!!!! Again, I looked at the ceiling while passing over it.

A friend of mine agreed to help me get rid of that fear, or at least try to. You know what they say right… face your fears. And so I did, we went climbing in the trees. Not just any trees.

These where especially prepared to be climbed. You did a whole track, way up high in the trees, from platform to platform. Crossing ropes, logs, barrels and zip lines. In other words…. HELL.

So this friend and I went there, we were given a harness to put on, they checked if it was safe and put the zip line reel and a double safety clip on it and we were sent into the forest. While still on the ground they told us the basics on how to use the zip line and the safety clips. Those clips where made in such a way they could never be open at the same time, and since the cable you attached yourself to would not disappear until you reached the ground again, where there was a nail at the back of the ladder on which you could close one clip, that could than easily be taken of the nail, to open the other clip and you would be free, you would always be secured. In other words, if we would fall/fail, the clips would keep us up in the trees.

So we started with a training track consisting of three trees, so two crossings, one of which a zip line. The loge bridge was oke, just look forward, not down. Then the zip line. O shit…. I have to lose any hold underneath my feet. It took me a while, but I did it. The harness gives you something to ‘sit’ in, so after a while I even learned to enjoy those things!

We have crossed from tree to tree, passing ropes and logs and getting very tired. So tired in fact that in the end I had to stand still after every step I took, because my right leg had to stop trembling. Now since I don’t want to make this blog to long (may be one day I will elaborate, but not today) I will just tell you about the hardest part of the track.

My friend really wanted to do this, so we went to a part where you have to attach your clips to two bunches of though elastic ropes and jump. When you jump you zip over two line (hence two bunches of ropes), just like you would on the zip line. You end up in this giant net of ropes that has been put up between two trees (almost like a spiders web, if it would be made of rectangles) where you have to climb up, there you can put your clips on a new safety line and you have to choose if you want to continue the track on your right or left, and climb to that tree. Sounds easy enough when I tell you, but to do this…..

So we reach the platform with the two bunches of ropes, I hook up to them (keep in mind, you cannot exit the track until you have reached the end and turning back is no option, because more people are behind you) and I get ready to jump (height is about two floors above ground level). I tell myself to jump, but nothing happens. It is counter intuitive to jump into nothing. There was nothing to hang on to, because those ropes where going to stretch, so a no go to hold on to. I decided, maybe I have enough courage to jump if I sit down first. So I sat. NOPE!!! Standing up again, sitting down again. Telling my partner I love him and sorry for dying if this would have been the case (and no, he was not there). Telling myself to jump….. I just could not. I told my friend he would have to push me for us to move forward, because I would not be able to jump.

He did not need encouragement an pushed (he loved he could). I screamed my lungs out (at least that is how I feel I went along the cables) and ended up in the rope net. I thought the hard part was over. Guess again…. It gives way under your weight!!! It took me ages to get up to the anchoring line (and you need to get there, otherwise you can’t get you clips free of the rope bunches). I wished I would have been able to climb down at that point, but I made it to the next platform. Proud to be there I needed some time to catch my breath.

As is obvious, since I am still able to write, I survived, with the words ‘never again!’

I have had aching muscles for three days and both my arms where full of bruises, but it has worked! At least some, because I don’t need to look at the ceiling anymore if I need to get to the other tower at work.

I had an adventure, cured (at least a bit) of my fear of heights and had an awesome time with one of my best friends. What more do you want 😀

Love dreamer


After ages and ages,

Hi there, I am very sorry it has been ages since I last wrote.
What kind of course takes less than two months you might ask. I decided to share this part with you as well,

Hi there, I am very sorry it has been ages since I last wrote. Yes the title refers to those ages, not real ones, sorry again.
This time I do have a good excuse though!

Remember the course I told you about. I took it…… and I got my diploma!!!

What kind of course takes less than two months you might ask. I decided to share this part with you as well, hoping you don’t think I’m a freak afterward.
At least not more of a freak than you already know I am.

Let me start of keeping it a bit of a mystery still, the answer will be in this piece, I promise.
The course is for something I have been wanting to do since I have been about 14. I could not get an education in it then, because it was one of those things you have to learn in practice and then you go to school one day of the week. We know a system in our land where the government can help pay for your education if your parents can not get you through it themselves, but the education I wanted was not included.

Now do not think for one moment my parents where lazy or anything! The have always done everything they could to get us wat we needed, but sometimes life does not turn out the way you expect. I have had the best youth ever, with more love at home than lots of kids get and loads of love to spare. I did get a good education in doing something I truly like doing (I work in administration) but it was not my first choice.
The two choices could not be further apart than they are I think, but that does not matter. Back to business…

Now, years later I found a course that could help me to go follow my heart. It is a start, but I am going to have to change my life and my partner and I will have to discuss if we can get me started in it financially, because it would mean I will probably have to start with a contract for zero hours. If there is work, I work, but there might be times I barely bring in enough for bread that month. Ah well, we will see how that goes. I’ll keep you posted.

Now the moment you have been waiting for….
What kind of a freak am I?

Keep in mind, the course only gave me basic information. The only way to really learn to do what I want to do is by getting a job in it. You learn on the job, because getting schooled in most of the things we learned requires a very specific item. One you do not simply get at a store and when one is available it need to be treated with respect.

The course I did was one of five weeks in which I learned the basics of taking care of our dearly departed.

When your loved ones die, some-one needs to take care of them for the time they are above ground. I want to be some-one who takes that burden of your shoulders, so you can grieve, and know they are in good hands. As I said, I just learned the basic. The do’s and don’ts you have to know. A little practice in how stiches work. Which stich can we use and in what situation do we use them. We practiced on pigs skin and afterwards on a banana.

On a BANANA! Yes, on a banana (what am I a minion?) because the skin of a banana is so fragile. If you can do you stiches without tearing through it you know you do it with finesse. Believe me, I thought it would be easy, but the banana turned brown under my hands and the skin got all soft, but I succeeded.

After the things I have seen and heard, I know I want to do this job. It is sooooooo important to have a proper goodbye, because there are no do-overs. It has to go right in one take, but if it does….. it helps the people left behind at least a little bit, because the first step on the road of grieve has been a good one.

We also learned thing are very different if you get to other countries. The things we learn here, do not apply to the world, just to our country. We have certain laws about dealing with the dead and every piece of the world handles it their way. As far as I am concerned, if it is a good way for them it is a good way.

Now let’s hope I can find a job and start turning my wishes to reality, even though I know it is not as rose-coloured as It seems from what I have written. Yes I know I will get babies and children and people that did not die in their sleep and might even be unrecognisable, but keep in mind… most of the times it won’t be my loved one, so I have a certain distance that is needed to be able to do this. For me the most important thing is to help people say goodbye to their loved ones.

Since I have not sat down and shared my life for a couple of weeks, there are stories that have not been told… Time to catch up, but let’s do that in my next entry. Thank you for being patient.

Love dreamer