Weird

Sometimes it is just too much, the feeling of being different.
They are the ones missing out, not me.

Sometimes it is just too much, the feeling of being different. Most of the time I am OK with it, but sometimes I am not. It feels like I have been a misfit my entire life. Most of the times it is ok now, but there will always be people that make you feel like you do not belong, you should not be there.

What is it with these people? Why is it so bad for me to be different. Not different in a physical way (at least not that I am aware of), but in a mental one. If you think I have a disability, no, not that I am aware of and never diagnosed. I am just different.

I have never found out why people react to me the way they do, but it has been like this for ever. People who do not really know me think I am weird and people who do get to know me either appreciate my weirdness or run like hell, as if they do not want to catch whatever it is I have.

Even though I am officially an adult, I never completely go with acting like one, at least not always. If I have to for work or anything I can, but most of the time I do not. I like showing what I feel, I like including everyone instead of just  a couple of people, because they belong to this group and not the other.

Why is it people want everyone to fit inside a description? Why can we not be who we are without the world thinking we have a screw loose (or as a quote on the internet says: “I do not have a screw loose, it fell out). I do not want to be like everyone else, and even if I did, I do not know how, because this is who I am. I like to like  everyone (even people who annoy me), I like to give people a second, third or even a fourth chance.

Is that why people react to me like I am a disease? I know, most people do not act like that. At least not to my face, but sometimes you hear people talk when they think you are not there or cannot hear what they are saying. To be honest, it is pretty devastating. I try not to let it get to me, knowing I am who I am and I want to keep faith in everyone, but that is difficult sometimes.

Is it fear, jealousy, the feeling that you are above someone else? What is it? Why am I weird, not accepted the way that I am. As far as I know, I never purposefully hurt anyone if I could avoid it. I accept people the way they are, because it was taught to me by my parents. We can all be who we are and make the world a colourful place.

Well I tell you, sometimes I want to fit in with the crowd, not stand out because I am colourful. At those times  I hate who I am and I strongly wish not to be. Then I start thinking about things that are beautiful because of those colours.

People with a colourful soul attract other colourful souls.  I know I have. When put together we make a beautiful painting. We enjoy thing so much more intense because of the colours we bring and see. I should not feel sorry for myself for being weird. I should feel sorry for people who cannot see past the walls that have been put up by society. They are the ones missing out, not me. I hope I will never cease to make a beautiful painting instead of just shades.

 

Love
Dreamer

Cheating

I have never ever cheated in my life (unbelievable, I know, but true). ..Then why do I have the feeling I cheated?…here I go, correcting my cheat.

I have never ever cheated in my life (unbelievable, I know, but true). The one time I tried was because a teacher told me to and I did not go through with it because everyone in class told me not to forget to cheat when we sat down for our test. Weird right, for a teacher to tell you to cheat. The reason my teacher said I should try and cheat in his class? I never got a passing grade for his subject (a language, you had to take the subject for a year before you could drop it). He promised us a treat if everyone got a good grade (sorry everyone, again no treat because of me) and he felt sorry for me, so he said, ‘cheat without me knowing about it’. Nice man. I made a little note for in my pencil case and the others noticed me making it, so the blew it by making fun of me while the teacher could hear, so again no treat for them. They never got one while taking the subject with me and I feel good about it, because I did not cheat. I just do not like cheating!

Then why do I have the feeling I cheated?  I feel like I cheated a couple of days ago, I cheated Campervan Man out of some good answers. He just got the short version, not the explanation. So let me correct that please, and I will make a change if you do not mind, because afterward I thought, nope, you are wrong about your favourite word. So here I go, correcting my cheat.

  1. I love beaches, because you can enjoy them without having to do a workout. I like doing as little as possible when away from home. I do like a good mountain view, but only if I can drive up there. And beaches have this romantic feeling, walking along the water’s edge with the person you love while the sun is setting. Building sandcastles, or in my case sand mountains, because I am just not any good at castles.
  2. Now I said Love, because this feeling can conquer a lot of things, but after even more careful consideration it is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Wow, Word actually recognises the word!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not believe that! And I have just given away how I make less mistakes than I would have on my own in writing English. But there it is, Mary Poppins tells you why it is such a good word. When I feel bad, this word actually makes me feel better. Not many words can. The word love itself will not do that, the emotion/feeling will, so there, that is why I changed words (and cheated in that way, I am soooooooo sorry)
  3. I do not need to change this answer, there is nothing to ad. It says it all. The best place to be in the whole world is home, because everyone I love is there. Home is where your hart is, so home I an elusive answer, but it is the right one for me.
  4. I would invite Curt Mega and Jon Cozart to dinner. There are a whole lot more of those guys I would like to be there, but I had to choose, and it was difficult. I picked two of the bunch that I know of their single works on YouTube. I love their things and I would like to talk to them, so why not while eating a nice meal. I think it would be a nice long diner with a lot to talk and laugh about.
  5. I would rather fight 1 lion sized hamster, because at least you can keep an eye on that thing, if it were 100 hamster sized lions they could attack from all sides. I think I would get killed either way though. I am a useless fighter, trust me I had that tested once. A man wanted me to come home and do the nasty, but I told him no. Words did not work, so in panic I elbowed him in the chest with everything I had (we were both seated on a park bench) and all he could do was look at me and say, what, you do not like the idea (it did not hurt him one little bit) HELP!!! I just stayed in the park were people could see us until he left and went home the very long way, just in case.

There, I hope I made up for cheating the first time around. I am sort of glad I have cheated the first time around, because of the length of both posts. This one has become quite a long one again, as was the other one.

Hope you enjoyed this.

Love
Dreamer

Mystery blogger award!

No Way this is happening!!! I feel so radiant, the sun has nothing on me

No way this is happening!!! I have just started this blog and then this…… thecampervanmanblog sends me a comment, telling me “Hi, I’ve nominated you for the mystery blogger award!” I blushed. Not just a little, bright red. I feel so radiant, the sun has nothing on me. Thank you sooooooooooo much.

Not too long ago I saw another blogger had visited, so I took a look at his blog and boy! I read through his post like I people go through Netflix. Read everything in one take (I could not make it in one take, because life wanted some attention, but I gave it a good try and did it in three takes).
If you are done reading this, take your time and go to his blog, because he helps you travel, while staying in your seat, and boy what adventures… I cannot wait to read more of his travels…
https://thecampervanmanblog.com

The Mystery Blogger Award has some ‘rules’ to it, and some questions of thecampervanmanblog to answer, so here I go:

RULES

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)
  1. Done
  2. Done
  3. I know I already have, but thank you sooooooooooooo much again, I still don’t believe this.
  4. This award is created by Okoto Enigma to help us discover and recognise amazing blogs. Go see for yourself, and while you are at it, nose around 😉 https://www.okotoenigmasblog.com/my-greatest-creation-yet
  5. This is a difficult one, but I will give it a try after I worked through the other points.
  6. and 7. I nominate the following people

https://hannaswalk.com
beautiful pictures and words

https://alipatoblog.wordpress.com
I just love those photographs

https://shortstorymagictricks.com
I just love reading, and it is such a joy to read what stories bring for others.

https://toffeefee.wordpress.com
a beautiful way to watch the world through their pictures.

https://radhikasreflection.wordpress.com
I truly like the view on things. Fine examples on this site are thinking out of the box and anger.

https://piratepatty.wordpress.com
when you don’t know what to read next or you want to find out what books are out there, go have a look!

https://ididnthavemyglasseson.com
The posts may be small, but the massages are huge!

https://doodlewash.com
I just love the story’s with the paintings, I feel like I am sitting at the table while the thing is made…

https://thesarahdoughty.wordpress.com
feelings so deep, I cannot describe, just see for yourself

https://lifexperimentblog.com/
a blog that has many things to offer, so for my different moods there are different options

 

  1. Five questions for my nominees:
    – What is your favourite colour?
    – What do you love most about people?
    – Whose mind would you want to read?
    – What is your favourite season?
    – What did the toothfairy say when se last visited you?
  2. https://publicdreamerblog.wordpress.com/2017/10/21/purpose/

And now for answering some questions as promised, if you want to know what the questions were: https://thecampervanmanblog.com/2017/11/02/nominated/

  1. Beaches, even though I do not dare go in the water unless it is clear as glass.
  2. Love
  3. Home, everyone I love is there
  4. Curt Mega and Jon Cozart
  5. 1 lion sized hamster

So only one thing left, for the keen observer, to tell 3 things about myself:

Even though I am technically an adult, I love watching kid stuff, such as dora, transformers rescue bots, that sort of thing. I think I want to be a bit like Peter Pan, never grow up (at least nog completely)
When I was younger I was jealous of Belle, because beast gave her a library. Nowadays I have got a small one myself and I am very proud of it (even though I do not make that much time to read with the distractions of internet and life going on).
I love sleeping and eating, but I hate to exercise, so I have a difficult time not growing out of my clothes, but I manage 😀

Well that’s it I guess.

Love
Dreamer

Boomerang

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times.

In order to write this I am going to have to open up to you. It is scary to do so, but…. since I am doing this diary thing, vulnerability is a part of that right? Well, here I go:

I used to read books before I went to sleep, but that somehow changed. Nowadays I imagine my own adventures. Things that would be impossible to do, unless you are an actor I imagine. In my world I can be who I want to be. The hero, the damsel in distress, the knowledgeable friend, anything.

Now these stories take a long time to unfold and end. Every night I go to bed, try to remember where I was, and go on with the story. Most nights I fall asleep without getting through it, but a couple of nights back I finished one.

Why is that important to share? Because it is that ending that made me want to write this.

An outline of the story with fictional names…. Henry is in love with Peter. This is a problem, because Peter loves me (hé, my stories, so why not have an important role). Henry tries to charm Peter, but it does not work. Next step… Peter and I get locked up by Henry. Long story short… Henry is mean, I try to understand and help, one of Henry’s helpers gets remorseful and calls the cops. Peter gets mortally wounded, and help arrives just in time for him to survive.

Wooohooo, now why in the world would you want to put that in you diary? Because of the words I said to Henry just before they took him in. Now I know none of this happened for real, so maybe the words will be perceived as meaningless, but I want to share them none the less.

“you are trying to figure out what happened and you do not understand why your friend helped us. I already told you, if you truly love someone you want them to be happy, even if it is not with you, but there is another side to love. You see, love is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you. This boomerang is blunt, so it will not hurt when you receive it. The same goes for hate. It comes back to you, same as love, but that boomerang is razor sharp. The hurt it brings others, will ultimately end up coming to you. I would rather use love to change the world. It is up to you to choose if you want to keep using hate, but maybe it is smarter to use love instead. Just remember, do not send it out with the intention to receive, because the best love is the love given without anything in return. That is the love that will return to you if you have enough patience.”

Now I can tell you this, sometimes I scare and amaze myself. This is one of those times. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Feel free to share if you did.

Love Dreamer

Vantage point

It is a strange thing to experience the different points of view people have when it comes to the same thing.

It is a strange thing to experience the different points of view people have when it comes to the same thing. Funny in a way, but strange. The most difficult thing about it… not judging someone else on their way of looking at things.

How did this come to mind? Well… if I tell you I have this problem…..physical, and it has been causing me a lot of pain, for a long time now. We discovered what the problem is a while ago and now I can finally get an operation to get rid of the pain.

My point of view: Specialists are busy people, I am glad we found the problem and I can get help relatively quick. In just a short while, the pain will be gone and life will be just right again.

Family and friends: Finally, that took long enough!!!! We are very glad you will be operated on, so you can live your life without pain.

The reactions one might expect, right? I am happy with these reactions. Then there is this one reaction and it needs a picture painted:

My hobby is singing… I wanted to act a bit as well and with some difficulty I found a group of people to sing with. Love it. Everyone is great. We have a performance next month, I sing a song in it and have two lines of dialogue. Nice right!!!!

I do not want to miss it, but….. I am in pain, everyone there can see it and they are glad I am going to be pain free if everything goes as it should. The all say they hope I can be at the performance, but my health is more important, so don’t worry and see what happens. Everything will be OK.

Then there is the person that is there mostly for our singing, but is our overall artistic leader. Here comes the different point of view. We have been working hard to make it a good production (we are just small fish in the ocean of acting and singing, kids trying to imitate the grownups, but we have a lot of fun doing this), it is taking shape and becoming a very fine performance, something to be proud of! I come along, (a song and two active lines), to say I am getting an operation, very close to the performance. PANNIC!!!!!!!! What about the musical? Does your doctor know you have a performance to do, what does he say about it. We need you to do your part!!!! (we do not have understudies of course, so it might be possible someone has to fill in for me) After rehearsal I got the personal questions, what is wrong with me, how much pain am I in, is this the only way to get rid of the pain (yes, the only way left). If I do get the operation, tell the anaesthetist to be careful with my vocal cords.

Now I have had talks with our artistic leader about what is wrong with me (and it is nothing serious, just painful) so it should have been known, but this person is a bit older (over sixty) and enthusiastic about the play and everything around it.

I honestly do not thing they want to walk right over me and my feelings, it is just something that popped into their mind at that time. It does not feel too great to have these questions instead of ‘how are you feeling about it’, but I can understand it. I intend to be there, because for personal reasons, this will be an important performance, so… keep your fingers crossed?

Love

Public Dreamer