Am I becoming the same as my brother?

Hi everyone, sorry for being absent, inspiration has been low, and last week I was in bed with a migraine, because of stress. “Stress?” you say. Yes stress, because of the fixing up of the bathroom that is going to cost so much more than we can spend, but you don’t need to worry about that, me and my partner will. Let’s just hope I won’t have migraines until it is done, because that could mean a lot of them. But, we’ll see.

Back to this week’s blog, it is late I admit, but it is here at last! And the title, well that has to do with a BBQ I had on Saturday, but let me start by explaining my brother to you. One of my brothers is just like me, we have Peter Pan syndrome, sort of. We just won’t grow up. Both of us like doing things kids normally do and both of us feel a lot better around kids than adults, because most kids are more spontaneous and open than adults are. I can handle myself when I am with people my own age, but that is by wearing a mask, because most of them feel ashamed of me when I show who I am inside, or the just don’t know how to handle it. My brother is even better at just being him, because as far as I can see, it truly doesn’t bother him when people don’t get it.

My brother is a lot older than I am, he could have been my dad if you just look at age, and I can’t remember anything different than having a lot of fun with him. Every birthday he would take us kids outside and play with us, we felt great with him around. Now that I am officially an adult myself and kids come to birthdays at my house with their parents (my friends) my brother still does the same thing he used to do with us. He goes to the playgrounds near my house (no crossing streets necessary to get there) and keeps the kids occupied. The adults love it, who wouldn’t, being at a party without having to keep an eye on your kid, just enjoy yourself.

The thing that makes me mad though, most adults that come to parties my brother is at as well make the assumption my brother will take the kids of their hands. Why make that assumption, why not let him enjoy the party hanging around with us as well? My brother has told me he would like to sometimes, so it shouldn’t be a given that he takes care of every kid around. I love my brother and I feel ashamed when I feel ashamed for him in public just for being himself. I should be proud that he truly is who he is. I know how to where most social masks, he knows how to where a couple. I have had so many great times with my brother, just because he doesn’t care. I love him so much for that.

Well the becoming the same doesn’t take too much, just drop some masks and I’m there, but I will keep those masks, because they help you get places in life. Sot back to the BBQ I had on Saturday. It was with a group of friends. My partner is part of a group of five friends. Three of them have kids and the evening started with us adults talking to each other and the kids having fun at the playground after they had eaten. The whole day rain had been coming down hard, so it was a relief that we could BBQ outside, no rain. After about an hour and a half I guess we had fifteen more minutes of rain, so we took the things with food in or on it inside and left the plates and stuff outside. BBQ done, but that was ok, we had eaten a lot, so we could last a while. After some time one of the kids asked if the BBQ-ing was done, because she wanted ice-cream. The adults could agree with wanting ice-cream, so the cones came from the fridge. Some more talking got done (the rain had stopped) and the kids asked about marshmallows. Could the ‘roast’ some on the BBQ. Sure they could!

This is where the kid in me came out! I had been helping bringing the plates and stuff in, but then I took time to get a marshmallow with the kids (all mums joined). It was a lot of fun and soooooo goooooooooooooood! One of the mums went in very soon after ‘roasting’ marshmallows, the other two and I started playing with the two girls that where at the BBQ. They had a ball and where trying to get it between everyone’s legs. Just minutes before when we were inside we saw the men doing the same and talked about the bad example they set by playing ball near the BBQ, now we were doing the same, but we sure had fun. Another mum decided to go inside. Two girls and two ‘woman’ left. We played around with the ball some more. In the end it was just me and the girls left. Then one of the boys came out. Long story short, I have been out with the kids ever since the marshmallows and I felt reluctant to go inside to talk with the grownups again. It felt so safe being out with the kids. So I stayed and ‘played’. At some point the kids got called inside to go to bed, I had to get in. I didn’t mind, it’s not like I can’t handle being with people my age afterward. All in all I had a good time, both with the adults and the kids. I apologised for staying outside with the kids and not helping with cleaning up the mess. The ‘hosting’ mum told me that was ok, after all I kept the kids busy, that helps a lot as well. Afterward when I lay in my bed I thought about that. I am becoming more and more like my brother. I don’t know if it is socially accepted, but I have to say it feels good to me. And if I get to be like my brother, that is something to be very, very proud about, because it is rare to come across someone so honest and open. Lucky for me I know more people like that, not just my brother, but he was the first I knew. I hope you have a friends like that as well and you feel free to be you. As I said before, the world would be a lot more colourful if we could just be ourselves without the judgement always being there!

Love
Dreamer