First of all, last week I didn’t post a blog. You have a right to know why. Last week I just didn’t feel like it. I had something else on my mind. Not just something, an important something for me and something that kept me from writing, because I needed to handle myself and my emotions. Thursday the 20th two years ago my dad died. It hit harder than the year before, so…. Well on to this week 😀
At the moment it is quite hot outside and it has been for a couple of days. Because of the heat I have decided to start work early this week, this way it was still quite cool when I rode my bike to work and I would be home in time to turn on the mobile air conditioner in our bedroom for it to cool down enough to be able to sleep.
On Wednesday I decided to go to a store that had a sale because it would close its doors in the town I work in before getting on my bike to go home. I left the building and crossed the street, ready to cross the next street hit this store. A man crossed the road from the other side and walked up to me. He looked at me and I felt he wanted to talk to me, so I slowed down, looked him in the eye, gave him a smile and a nod and waited for his response. He slowed down as well. I was right he wanted to talk. I figured he wanted to ask for directions or something, but that’s where I was wrong. Instead he asked where I was going and if he could tag along…. in English…..
A weird request, but I was in public, not going home, so why not, he could tag along, I would go to this one store and back to my bike. It would give him company for about twenty minutes and it would give me a way to talk English, win-win I guessed. He asked for my name and gave me his. We started talking. He asked where I was from, I told him (take a deep breath, I wasn’t dump enough to give him my address or last name). He was surprised, he thought I would be English because of my accent (I know, you wouldn’t say the same when reading my blog :D) and I felt good about that. Flattery does feel good for your ego. He had already given me a compliment on how good I looked ( I know, be careful with such ‘stray cats’) so I felt quite good at that time. We talked while walking to the store, I told him I was going to ask him something I hoped wouldn’t offend and wasn’t meant as a bad thing. After that I asked if he was a refuge, yes he was.
It turned out I should have gone to the store weeks ago, because there was nothing left to my liking. I felt bad to leave the man behind, I had some time to spare, so I asked him if he would like to sit down somewhere and talk some more. He would love to. So we went to a nearby park (loads of people every step of the way) in search of a place to sit in the shade. We found a bench, but someone had broken a beer bottle on it. The man or maybe rather boy (I don’t know how old he is) swept the bench clear with some plastic he found nearby and we took a seat. We talked about all kinds of things. He told me he had been playing football, but had to stop because of injuries. Now he was studying and killing time before he would meet up with a friend of his. He talked about wanting a relationship where both parties would trust each other and how he would do anything to keep the other happy. He talked about coming to Europe to get away from catholic/Muslim wars back where he grew up. We talked about a lot.
I told him I have a partner I want to grow old with. He asked if I still felt like that after meeting him. YES. Nothing will ever change as far as I am concerned at the moment. After being together for seventeen years I still feel butterflies when I think about them. The man referred to relationships that had lasted longer and still got broken off somewhere down the road. I told him not to hold is breath (but in a gentler way). He asked for my number so we could meet again somewhere in the future to talk. I didn’t give it to him, but I agreed to meet again on Friday, on the corner we first met.
I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t want to mistrust him, after all, he doesn’t have to be a bad person. That’s why I agreed to meet him again. I actually don’t trust him. I don’t feel his intentions are as innocent as he says, so I will be careful, but I don’t want to close myself for new friends. After all, if we can all act a bit more out of love instead of fear, the world would be more beautiful. That’s why I decided to follow love instead of fear. And no… he won’t get my phone number or address, but he will have my attention for an extra afternoon. I will keep you posted on that 😀
Maybe I am crazy, but I would rather get hurt or die when the things I did came out of love, so let it spread.