Poisonous?

Time for a break, I sit down, take my grapefruit and plan on enjoying this nice piece of fruit. Normally I would cut it in half and use a spoon to eat it, but since I am at work I decide to peel it and eat it like an orange. Jummie.

It has a tough peel, tougher than I am used to. Normally I can break it open using my nails, but that does not work with this one. Well, no knife at hand, so I will use my teeth, even though I really don’t like the taste.

I start Peeling it when I suddenly realize… my tongue is tingling, my lips feel like they are burning a bit…is this OK? I know I am not allergic to grapefruit. I eat those regularly.
Then why..?

I come to the realization that this could be a result of pest control substances. Is it poisonous?
Wil it kill me? I know it won’t be that drastic, but I like to be a drama queen in my head. Just like my stories before bedtime, I see a whole story unfold in my head.
It takes a while for the stuff to get into my body, the doctors can’t explain why I am dying. It takes days for them to do tests and a lot of effort to keep me alive. They did not listen to me when I told them about the thought of pest control substances, but after a few days some doctor says: “let’s take this thing she said into account to find a cure”. At that point they find out what poison is in my body and the safe my life just in time.

But seriously, how come this tingling/burning happened after I bit the peel? I’ve never had this happen before, but then again, I never bite the peel because of this bitter taste it has. If it is not poisons used to keep creepy crawlers at bay, then what is it?
My mind goes wild again. Maybe it is something made in a laboratory that was put on this grapefruit especially. Secret agent like people are keeping an eye on me now, because they want to know what the stuff put in/on this piece of fruit will do to someone. After I while I won’t need my glasses anymore, my hearing gets better, I get stronger. I become an enhanced human being and then they will recruit me to make the world a better place!

No, that won’t be it. Highly improbable. It could be a person that hates grapefruits or marketplaces that has spilled a poison on purpose, in hopes people that eat the fruit or go to the market will die and no-one will want to go to the market anymore. This is his revenge for a bat piece of fruit or for waiting in line to long or because he did not like the way one of the sales people has looked at him. Or maybe because another visitor of the market has bumped into him once without apologizing.
It could be this person normally buys grapefruits, and the poison was meant for him/her and now I ended up with the thing and die.

Or maybe it is a fact that I am developing an allergic reaction after all. I can’t eat (fresh) pineapple without my throat clamping up a bit either. Time will tel. As long as I am able to breath after eating those things, even though with less capacity than normal, I will eat them!!

Love
Dreamer

 

 

Spiders

I am afraid of those things… spiders. Brrr. Just the thought of them sends shivers through my spine. I have been afraid of them ever since I can remember.

My dad always told me they are more afraid of me then I am of them, but I doubt it. He saw me react to one of those big black hairy ones at one time and realised how afraid I am of those things. The monster crawled out of my jacket pocket, while it lay besides me on the armrest of the couch. As soon as I saw the thing I pushed my jacket to the ground, got as far away from it as I could and started crying. Tears of fear, I thought I had a heart attack.

Then there is this time at school. I noticed a big black blotch on the ceiling. Jep, a spider. I was the first to arrive, no-one there but me and this thing. I kept an eye on it, because these creeps are fast. Obviously when my classmates arrived they saw me looking at the ceiling and boys will be boys, they started to throw stuff at it to get it down from the ceiling. It was one of those ceilings with loose plates in them. They managed to get the plate crooked in the ceiling before the teacher arrived, but the spider stayed firmly on it.
Keeping my eyes on the spider I dashed underneath it into the classroom. Safe… or so I thought. The boys won from the spider at some point and got it down, they threw him my way, it skidded over the desktop of the desk one row in front of me, fell to the ground, right at my feet. Before anyone could blink, I was on top of the desk behind me, my feet on my chair, hyperventilating. Luckily the girl next to me noticed I was moments from passing out so she stepped on the spider. Safe at last.

I know, these are just small compared to spiders in some countries. I will never visit those and if I would have been born there my family would have either moved or given me up for adoption to another land. Third option, I would have died of fear already.

I try to be better with them, I leave the little ones at home alive, just to ‘grow’ as a person, but man they don’t make it easy for me. Those hairy ones I mentioned before, I guess their body feels as big as the top digit of my thumb, but is in fact about half the size of it. (It’s those legs, they make them feel so big). Not too long ago I woke up, went to the toilet and….. there was one of them in the toilet bowl. In the water, but very much alive. I hardly dared to flush! Afraid it would ‘surf’ itself out of there. When it was flushed down, I flushed once more, just to be on the safe side. Brrr.

The trouble with this situation was… they always come in pairs.  There was just one in the toilet. Where is the other one? My partner said they already killed it, but I don’t believe that. They know how terrified I am, so they will say anything to keep me calm. To this day I have not found the missing spider. Every time I enter the toilet I go through this ritual. Open the door, see if there is no spider on there. Check the doorposts for a spider, then the floor and visible parts of the toilet when standing outside of it. Carefully come closer so I see more and more and more of the toilet. Eventually with every risk involved stick my head into the space and look at the ceiling and other high points. When no spider is to be seen I can go to the toilet, but better make it quick, because he may have I hiding spot I don’t know about.

How do I come to telling you this. This morning I got attacked by one of the little spiders in my home. I sat in my chair, like every morning, watching something on my laptop, when suddenly a tickle on my arm. Not the first time, I have got long hairs that fall out all the time and tickle me when they land on my skin. I look down to swipe the hair of my arm without thinking and see….. a spider!!!! One of those little spiders with a pinhead sized body, but legs like they never end. I get out of the chair, frantic. I swipe down my body several more times, but I do not see a spider running away from me. I don’t see it in the chair or near the laptop either. WHERE IS IT?!! I swipe my body a couple more times, just to be on the safe side. That has been about half an hour ago, I still have not found the spider and I took a seat in the couch instead of sitting back down in the chair. No way! So maybe it was just my imagination.

As long as I am standing because of swiping of a spider, let’s get to the kitchen and prepare lunch. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THIS MORNING?!! I literally exclaimed that out loud when entering the kitchen, because there was another spider, same size and make as in the chair. Not high up at the ceiling, no… hand level, just above the stove. I kept my eye on it while I prepared my lunch. Let’s get out of the kitchen then. Shit I forgot something. I get back in there…. The spider is gone! Am I going crazy, seeing spiders everywhere?
I swear. I itch all over just thinking about this, writing about this. My heart is beating faster than it should. I am actually glad I have to get to work in a minute, just to get away from these monsters.

Do I exaggerate? Yes, I do, you have read my stuff (if not go read it and you will agree). This however is not an exaggeration on my part, this is actually how afraid I am of those things. I do not look at pictures of them on the net, so I know I will get the creeps every time I see the picture I am planning on putting with this blog. It is the actual living spider in my actual toilet. THE HOROR!

I know I am bigger and I could easily kill them. I don’t need you to tell me that. I know, but still…. I am so glad I am not Ron Weasley going into the forest to find aragog or Sam or Frodo! That is how those spiders feel to me though. Huge black monsters with too many eyes, that keep an eye on you and will take you down when you are not looking.

Love
Dreamer

 

 

Freedom

Strange thing, feeling free.
Not free as in not in jail, free as in not boxed in by society.

I don’t get this feeling that much, as you might have gathered by reading my blog.
The few times I get this feeling are moments that funnily enough are not accepted by all of society.

The first time this feeling came upon me has been about ten to eleven years back. I had found my first job and left the home I grew up in. My brothers are all quite some years older, one of them lived alone, liked some company, so I went to live with him. Two free spirits that in some ways do not fit into our society as it is now. After work we could decide to go to the beach for a swim first, then go home and get something to eat. It was wonderful.

The first time at the beach was the first time of freedom. Don’t judge me on wat I will tell you now, because it might not be accepted by all, but it is quite natural.

My brother and I decided to go to the beach. I told him I was wearing my swimsuit under my clothes and ready to go. At that time he realized we had not been to the beach together in a while and there had to be changes to his style. He was used to go to a nudist beach. He told me he would get his swim trunks, but I decided he did not have to change because of me, so I went to the beach he always went to.

I will not lie, the first few minutes where terrifying. After that I decided this is the best way to go to the beach.
For the first time in my life there wasn’t a moment I felt awkward or different.

Normally I would have straightened out my bathing suit about a hundred times. I would constantly think about what others would think if they saw me.
After five minutes on this beach that was all gone. The whole beach felt like one body of mother nature. Every time I take time to visit a sauna or a nudist beach I feel this freedom of not questioning myself and I truly enjoy being who I am for all there is. Too bad I can’t feel this way about myself all the time. I try, but I am to self-conscious to..

Well you can’t have everything so I will just enjoy the moments I feel like this to the max.
I hope you feel good about yourself (even if I don’t feel good about myself all the time) because for me, we are all beautiful.

Love
Dreamer

Story Matters

Remember my first entry?
I told you about how I started the blog and I mentioned Curt Mega’s Podcast.
I did not mention the name of the podcast, so I will correct that in this blog.
The title states it: Story Matters.

I love listening to this podcast, because it helps to put life into perspective. You get to step away from your own thoughts for a while and get to listen to wonderful minds at work.

I started listening from the beginning, because I am do not like to start things in the middle, but I had soon listened to all episodes and was waiting for more.

Apparently lately not that many people listen anymore and that might bring an end to the podcast. I get that, it takes time and effort to make it, and if you do it for yourself, why do it?
I do it, because it has turned into a hobby/therapy, but for him it is income.

The thing I like about it is the passion you hear in every episode about the things they are talking about. For the first season Curt has guests in most of the episodes. He talks to them about who they are, what the like/dislike, how they came to be who/where they are. Since he comes from the entertainment industry, the guests are as well, as are most topics. But the layers people… Listen carefully, because there is so much being said in the podcast that might change you view on things.

There are not only interview episodes. Some of them are Curt thinking out loud, some are stories of his, some are stories he made with his Patreon backers and in the new season he is joined by Kim Whalen and Michael Tobias. They have good chemistry together.

Recently I started posting my blogs on SoundCloud as well. Again, I started to branch out because of story matters. Just so it will be there for people to stumble on to. In hopes they like it, for when you have time to listen, but not to read. I listen to Story Matters on my way to work/home. I figured that would be ideal for when you do not have time to read my blogs, but would not want to miss them. As with listening to  Curt’s podcast, I started at the beginning of my posts. Do not underestimate how much work goes into putting something online! I do not even do it professionally (he uses professional stuff and all), but to get it just right without stumbling through my words, it takes a huge effort.

I hope that even though I do not have huge following, I will set something in motion. I hope a lot of people that did not know about the podcast will find their way to it. Take a listen please. If you like it, stay tuned. If you don’t like it, that is ok, not everyone likes the same thing. Just do one thing for me, please. Give Story Matters a try. I am hooked. I hope you will be to.
Let me know what you think about Story Matters!

Love
Dreamer

P.S. Here is a link to Story Matters on SoundCloud. If you want other links (I-tunes for example) go to my Facebook or twitter account. I shared post of Story matters, and Curt puts in loads of links to help you find him. Even better go to the Story Matters Facebook account! I will give you a link to that as well :D.

https://soundcloud.com/storymatterspodcast
https://www.facebook.com/StoryMattersPodcast/