Am I becoming the same as my brother?

Hi everyone, sorry for being absent, inspiration has been low, and last week I was in bed with a migraine, because of stress. “Stress?” you say. Yes stress, because of the fixing up of the bathroom that is going to cost so much more than we can spend, but you don’t need to worry about that, me and my partner will. Let’s just hope I won’t have migraines until it is done, because that could mean a lot of them. But, we’ll see.

Back to this week’s blog, it is late I admit, but it is here at last! And the title, well that has to do with a BBQ I had on Saturday, but let me start by explaining my brother to you. One of my brothers is just like me, we have Peter Pan syndrome, sort of. We just won’t grow up. Both of us like doing things kids normally do and both of us feel a lot better around kids than adults, because most kids are more spontaneous and open than adults are. I can handle myself when I am with people my own age, but that is by wearing a mask, because most of them feel ashamed of me when I show who I am inside, or the just don’t know how to handle it. My brother is even better at just being him, because as far as I can see, it truly doesn’t bother him when people don’t get it.

My brother is a lot older than I am, he could have been my dad if you just look at age, and I can’t remember anything different than having a lot of fun with him. Every birthday he would take us kids outside and play with us, we felt great with him around. Now that I am officially an adult myself and kids come to birthdays at my house with their parents (my friends) my brother still does the same thing he used to do with us. He goes to the playgrounds near my house (no crossing streets necessary to get there) and keeps the kids occupied. The adults love it, who wouldn’t, being at a party without having to keep an eye on your kid, just enjoy yourself.

The thing that makes me mad though, most adults that come to parties my brother is at as well make the assumption my brother will take the kids of their hands. Why make that assumption, why not let him enjoy the party hanging around with us as well? My brother has told me he would like to sometimes, so it shouldn’t be a given that he takes care of every kid around. I love my brother and I feel ashamed when I feel ashamed for him in public just for being himself. I should be proud that he truly is who he is. I know how to where most social masks, he knows how to where a couple. I have had so many great times with my brother, just because he doesn’t care. I love him so much for that.

Well the becoming the same doesn’t take too much, just drop some masks and I’m there, but I will keep those masks, because they help you get places in life. Sot back to the BBQ I had on Saturday. It was with a group of friends. My partner is part of a group of five friends. Three of them have kids and the evening started with us adults talking to each other and the kids having fun at the playground after they had eaten. The whole day rain had been coming down hard, so it was a relief that we could BBQ outside, no rain. After about an hour and a half I guess we had fifteen more minutes of rain, so we took the things with food in or on it inside and left the plates and stuff outside. BBQ done, but that was ok, we had eaten a lot, so we could last a while. After some time one of the kids asked if the BBQ-ing was done, because she wanted ice-cream. The adults could agree with wanting ice-cream, so the cones came from the fridge. Some more talking got done (the rain had stopped) and the kids asked about marshmallows. Could the ‘roast’ some on the BBQ. Sure they could!

This is where the kid in me came out! I had been helping bringing the plates and stuff in, but then I took time to get a marshmallow with the kids (all mums joined). It was a lot of fun and soooooo goooooooooooooood! One of the mums went in very soon after ‘roasting’ marshmallows, the other two and I started playing with the two girls that where at the BBQ. They had a ball and where trying to get it between everyone’s legs. Just minutes before when we were inside we saw the men doing the same and talked about the bad example they set by playing ball near the BBQ, now we were doing the same, but we sure had fun. Another mum decided to go inside. Two girls and two ‘woman’ left. We played around with the ball some more. In the end it was just me and the girls left. Then one of the boys came out. Long story short, I have been out with the kids ever since the marshmallows and I felt reluctant to go inside to talk with the grownups again. It felt so safe being out with the kids. So I stayed and ‘played’. At some point the kids got called inside to go to bed, I had to get in. I didn’t mind, it’s not like I can’t handle being with people my age afterward. All in all I had a good time, both with the adults and the kids. I apologised for staying outside with the kids and not helping with cleaning up the mess. The ‘hosting’ mum told me that was ok, after all I kept the kids busy, that helps a lot as well. Afterward when I lay in my bed I thought about that. I am becoming more and more like my brother. I don’t know if it is socially accepted, but I have to say it feels good to me. And if I get to be like my brother, that is something to be very, very proud about, because it is rare to come across someone so honest and open. Lucky for me I know more people like that, not just my brother, but he was the first I knew. I hope you have a friends like that as well and you feel free to be you. As I said before, the world would be a lot more colourful if we could just be ourselves without the judgement always being there!


Bride, cars and bathrooms,

Well hello there! This week the blog goes all over the place. Three topics, so no juicy story about a bride escaping through a bathroom window to escape a wedding in a fast car (yes that is a reference to a sitcom). No three different topics, so lets go!

Nope, my partner did not propose, I am nog getting married (or my partner knows something I don’t, but I don’t think so). No this is a follow up on last my blog from last week. Remember? The refugee from Africa. He was actually there when I walked out of the office on Friday. I didn’t think he would, but he was, so I had to deal with it. I said hi, keeping my distance. I am a hugger, normally, but not this time, not appropriate, or at least I didn’t think it was. If you disagree, keep it to yourself. Those are my boundaries I have to think of, not yours.

We went to the same park as before, sat down on the same bench as before and continued the same talk we had before. He kept giving me compliments, trying to find out if I would ever leave my partner. I told him: “not even when hell freezes over”, but that didn’t seem to register. He kept talking about relationships ending, how good of a partner he would be to the person committing to him and how beautiful I am and how perfect I would be for him. He would never find someone like me again, so sure, he was disappointed I have a partner. I let him talk, I talked to him and brought the conversation to him getting his social security number. I tried not to make it to obvious, but let’s be real, he needed something from me, of he would not have come. That or I have a stalker from now on and need to be more careful in future, but I guess that’s not the case. When talking to a dear friend of mine she told me her partners reaction was: “he want to marry to stay in the country”. I had come to the same conclusion, so the bride part is…. I could have been an African bride! I am not that sad that I’m not though, because I love my partner more than anything in the world, so when the man asked my contact information I told him “no”, because I am not going to string him along for something I won’t give him. I had two lovely days with an opportunity to speak English, he wasted some time, enough is enough. As far as I know he has not started stalking me (knock on wood).


So my partner and I have a car. We didn’t plan on getting a new one, but things happen. Fortunate for us, nothing bad happened, we just received a flyer from our dealership. It stated an amount we could probably get for our old car and how much a new car would cost us. We took the bait. We started talking about it and before long we went to the dealer to take a look. The offer was for an upgrade on our current model, but we decided we wanted information on a different model. That in itself would be an upgrade, so we wanted to compare the offer we got in the mail to the different model we had in mind. We got the information, slept on it for about three days. The dilemma was: go for comfort (the upgrade by choosing the other model) or go for low expenses (by choosing our current model upgraded). We both sort of knew the car we wanted, but still. We went for the other model, we can afford it, let’s ‘grow up’ and choose comfort. Today we went in (after getting the financing worked out) and asked when we can pick it up. It will take over two weeks because the salesman would like to be there when we pick it up. I heard him mumble he is on vacation between today and the date we set to pick up the car. So there we are, waiting on a car, because the salesman wants to see how happy it makes us to pick it up. Well if his life depends on these highlights, than I can wait for my car a bit longer, because that’s sad, isn’t it. I am glad I can give him a happy moment.


There are a couple of things in your life that cost a lot of money. One of those things: bathrooms. Especially when your strength isn’t fixing you home. At some point I noticed circles on the ceiling in the hallway, caused by water that should have travelled through pipes instead of the floor. I know nothing about fixing plumbing and stuff like that. When we bought the house the leakage should have been stopped by the previous owner, or so we thought. His solution turned out to be sealant around the shower drain, but you can’t clean a sealed drain, so obviously, we made the mistake to unseal it. Now we have to ‘repair’ the leak. That will take braking tiles and stuff like that. We figured we would have to take care of the bathroom at some point, so now is the time. We are going to renovate. Take everything out, put new stuff in. This bathroom will be to our taste (and budget, sorry to say, but still beautiful for a low budget). The thing I am upset about most: losing our bath. A bath I don’t use that often, because the put  the side your head goes against the wall, so your neck needs to be in an angle if you want to lie down. Plus the bath is smaller than usual, because of the restricted space, and everything had to be fit in (shower/bath/sink/toilet), without having to shower in the tub. Every time I took a bath a large part of me never got wet, because it didn’t fit under water. I was hoping to get a bath you can sit in, so it would take up less room, but I could still relax. As you might have figured, we are not putting in a bath again. We already made a down payment on everything that is going into our new bathroom (including tiles) and now we are looking for someone to put it in for a nice price (wouldn’t it be nice if we had an endless supply of money). We’ll see…..

Well that’s it for now.


30+ ℃

So first of all, I am sorry. What for this time? For the blogs I delivered the past three weeks.
I was reading them back, translating directly to my mum and noticed a LOT of mistakes, worst of all ass instead of as. Oops. I discover to many mistakes when I am reading them back for soundcloud as well, so I think I will see if I can find some time to go over all my old post to correct them. Other than that I hope I will do better in the future, but no promises, because to be honest I write directly what I think and I don’t take the time to read it back properly. So sorry in advance as well.

So let’s start properly. The title. There is a heatwave going on. Ironically I recorded the blogpost for soundcloud for today in which I state that we will never have a proper summer again as a way for the seasons to tell us we are screwing up the earth. Well, maybe we corrected ourselves, but I doubt it. Maybe global warming is finally through waiting and blasting us with all the heat it’s got.

I can’t for the life of me remember it ever being this hot, but I don’t want to complain either, because it has been a long time since we had a proper summer, and that part I do love. I just hope it will cool of a bit, because the heat is intense. I have never had this much trouble with heat in my life. If I don’t have to work I will not do much else, except sit in front of the ventilator. That makes this a great time for watching shows and listening to podcasts (don’t forget to listen to the latest one of Story Matters!). All in all, I am happy summer has finally come around. I love the sun, even if it is hot as hell.

Now, I am not a person that can do nothing, so even if I listen to something or watch a show, I will be keeping my hands busy. Right now I am working on gloves.
Well, I will be too late if I start when I actually need them, and I am sitting here anyway, so why not? I am going to make a couple of pairs in different colours so I can change things up if winter decides to come along again (although I hope he will take his sweet time to come back).

It actually started because I crocheted a knights helmet for my nephews. An adult I know asked me to make one for her as well, because the visor comes down and will protect her face when she is out in the cold. I got the wool for this from her about a month and a half ago and started making this thing. At the end I had some wool left, and since I was not the one that had paid for it I decided to use it to make something else she could use in the winter. I came across fingerless gloves, because crocheting fingers is hard. I made her a pair and liked them.

The wool I used for her was bulky, but there is a design for finer wool as well, so I decided to make those for myself. The difference between the patterns is that the fine pattern has an actual thumb piece, where the bulky one just had an opening to put you thumb through. The bulky one had been easy enough to follow, the fine one became more difficult at the thumb part. You see, people who make patterns  think that a photo of the stage they are at is good enough to see where you should be at if you follow the pattern, but some people, me included, find it easier to do something they saw. So I after taking the whole thing out and starting over I looked in the comments to see if there would be a YouTube video, so I could see wat to do with the thumb. Several people had asked for it already. The answer was always the same: “there is no video and I am not going to make one either. The pictures you see here should be enough, figure it out for yourself or stick with the easier stuff” It wasn’t put like that, but that was the thing I read while reading the no there isn’t, you should be able to figure it out with the pictures. As you can see in the picture I have succeeded after trial and error, but I would have really liked it if there would have been a YouTube link, because I like to see wat I need to do. Ah well, you can’t have everything.



I am late!

And no, not like I am pregnant, more like I feel like the white rabbit of Alice in Wonderland right now. I need to leave home in about twenty minutes to go to work and I realised….
I did not write anything for my blog yesterday!!!!! I am late!!!! The next thing I thought was, do it tonight, but that’s no good, because I’ve got plans, so I’ll forget again.
Hell the reason I forgot in the first place was because I put it off yesterday, so…. I hope I can do this thing in a short amount of time and be happy with it. Maybe there are a bit more errors than you are used to, because normally I translate wat I wrote back to my own language for my mom, so she can have an update as well. Her English is not to strong, she is insecure about it, so I translate. A nice check for me. Not a secure check, because since I started putting these on soundcloud I come along a couple of mistakes, but… good enough I guess.
Luckily there are some things I know I can write about here right now, so the writing should not take too long 😀

Ok here I go, first subject carebears. I thought about them on my way to Rome and was wondering if I am the only adult that has this on their mind when seeing clouds. Whenever I see a nice big group of clouds I think about the carebears, because they lived on the clouds. So when going to Rome when we flew…… There was this nice big cloud and when you fly you are not just underneath. On earth you would not be able to see their home, but in the air, above the clouds…. I know it is not real, but hé a girl can dream right? So when above these beautiful clouds I thought about carebears and how I loved those things. Wouldn’t it be nice to see them on the clouds, just to know children around the world will have a little friend to help them if they need it.

Second subject. So not related to the first. I just wanted to share that with you but thought of it after the post I did last week. Second thing is that I started writing. Started…. I can’t promise I will finish. A friend of mine started writing a story just for her and her husband (sort of) and she asked me why I don’t write. My answer was that I do write, pointing out this blog. That was not wat she meant. She told me she loves the way I write and would like to read something else than just my blog. So I started writing…. So far I am in my second chapter of a story. I don’t know how long it will be, but it is fun to write again. Why again?

I had a story in my mind that I wanted to write since I was about 13 I guess. My favourite subject in school was writing stories. I never took the time to really do it though. Then at about 19 I started writing the thing down. After a couple of pages I lost interest and let it be.
A vacation came by, I wrote when I was at the pool, the story I had in my mind was still there, but it got a different starting point, it turned into a story in a story. We came back home. Interest was gone again.

Now years later I picked it up again, and behold… it is becoming a story in a story in a story. I want to stick with it this time though, but it is difficult to take the time and write. I need to push myself to work at it. I don’t know what will work though. Every week half a day or every day half an hour. Will I find my rhythm? Will I finish my story this time? I will keep you posted. And don’t ask me to write the story down here, because I am not writing it in English 😉


Aftermath of Rome

I am back home. There is no place like it. I have had a great time in Rome, but it was good to sleep in my own bed again. You have been able to read a bit of it last week, and this week you will get the conclusion of it.

Let’s start with something that came back EVERY day. At every corner of every street you could find people selling baskets to tourist. A bowl that started out as a round plank of wo layers. One of these layers had a rim you could pull up and voila, you had a bowl/basket type thing. Letting it down again always made this clacking sound. Every evening while we were at the restaurant these men would come along to sell these ass well. The men in our little group started to call it ‘little clacker’, or at least that would be what they called it in English if I translate it the best I can. This happened Tuesday to start with. Wednesday the same man came along and called it little clacker when he passed our table and recognised us. On Thursday it was another man, so at our table the men said little clacker again. The man started to laugh, telling us his colleague had told him about us. Laughs all around.

The other thing you found everywhere accept at dinner luckily was a toy that looked like a pig. The people selling it had a crate with a board taped to one of the small sides. The would set that down on the other side, so it would form some kind of table. The toy would then be thrown on top of that board where it would flatten out completely, only to reform to its original shape. It made a sound that reminded me of a lamb every time they threw it down. I can’t believe they go to sleep not hearing that sound even when not throwing down these things, but maybe they don’t even hear it anymore.

You could also by a self-stick every other step you took and water. If you told the first man no, the next would still try, after all, there is a good possibility you will be wanting something from him after just two steps!

While ‘touristing’ through Rome I had several ideas of things I found funny and wanted to recollect for the blog. With no pen and paper at hand (learning curve) I forgot most of it though. Sorry.

One of the things I do remember (because I filmed the road to help myself remember, and get a good picture to use for the blog) is getting images of taxi’s trying to grab hold of people, to take them off to their lairs. Why? Because there are lanes in Rome that state “TAXI ATAC”. So obviously I see that as a warning or command maybe. Just like those fighting games: Taxi, atac!’ I know without the spellcheck of Word that you don’t write it like that, but it sounds the same in my head, so it means the same in my had. I see a Pokémon, yellow with a stripe of black and white squares along the side, ready to attack. Tell him to use “smog attack”, and he’ll turn around and use a tailpipe looking part on his body to smog things up!
Yeah I know, too much imagination.

Let’s go back to ‘touristing’. So on Thursday we have been to the Colosseum. I didn’t think too much of it before we went, but once inside it was beautiful. So well-structured and huge if you think about the fact they did not have the building tools we have. And the view! When you are inside the thing you can look into the ‘catacombs’.  The floor of the arena has been stripped of for a large part and you see the structure that lies beneath it. Wow! All the people that could have fit in there to watch a spectacle an all the things that must have happened in those ‘hallways’ underneath the floor. I can only imagine, and badly at that, because to be honest, history is not one of my strong suits.

After that we went to the basilica of St. Paul. There are actually two, one within the walls of Rome and one outside the walls of Rome. Thursday was for the one outside the walls. It was beautiful as well. I could have walked around for hours looking at all the paintwork inside. While looking up I saw all the popes where high up on the wall, in circular spots especially put there for them and only the current pope was lighted, so he stood out. I liked that detail. The dead popes in the ‘dark’ and the current one in the light.
I can’t tell you wat it is with churches. I mean, I was not brought op religious, but I love churches. Most of these buildings have such a wonderful atmosphere. And with churches I mean all kinds of religious buildings, I love to visit them because they breath peace most of the times. So did St. Pauls. Looking up at the paintwork I was in awe again.
On Friday my mother in law, my sister in law and I stumbled across the basilica of St. Paul within the walls as well. It is smaller than the other one, but beautiful none the less.
We were on our way to go shopping, since it was the last day when we came across it, and I am glad we did. The men missed this one :D.

Then time was up, we needed to catch a plane and so we did. Not much more to tell. No spectacular things happening to make a more spicy story. Not even my imagination could make anything of it, because I was ready to sleep. As said I am glad to be back home, away from loads of people, because even though I loved seeing all those beautiful things, all these people around you, in your space, take up a lot of your energy. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world though.




When in Rome…

Act like a tourist. At least that’s what I am doing, so if there are more mistakes than usual, it is because my mobile device does not have Word that has an English spelling check and the keyboard of that same device keeps sugesting words in another language as well. Now you truly get to see how bad my English spelling is, but that should only add to the fun. Another thing that comes with me being in Rome, this will be a longer post than u are used to, after all, what better time to keep a diary than this?

So, I am in Rome, but dit not want to skip the blog. Solution, see above. Now hopefully I will be able to place it, time will tell.

Rome is beautifull, the language sounds like it is sung and the sun is shining, at least up ‘till now. The yourney here was great. For the first time ever I had breackfast on a plane, included in the ticket! There was this weird lady that sat in the same row of seats as I did, but after a while two people could prove with their tickets she was in the wrong seat. Turns out her seat was on the third row, she was sitting in the fourth. She took her sweet time gathering her belongings and relocating as if there where no other people boarding!!!

I allways love that moment the plane takes off. The rumble of the engines, the thrust you feel at take off and the rollercoaster feeling to get to the right hight! After that is is like riding a train, but with better view. I remember thinking the rivers below us looked like a spiders web. Sadly I completely missed the landing because I was talking, so it startled me when the plane touched down. On the other hand that means I had a good time on the plane.

So we had arrived, Wooohooooo, Rome here we come!!!! So the first order of business is getting a ride for six to the hotel one of us in a wheelchair. We have covered travel during our stay, but the transfer moments between airport and hotel got canceled last minute. We had been walking around at the airport for a while, searching for a specific transfer company we could not find. Several people had come up to us to offer their services. One off them huried of quite suddenly and not to long after we found out why. Airport security came our way. At first I thought we where in trouble, even though we didn’t do anything wrong. He said: “only white taxi”. I felt like a spy that forgot the codeword. Luckily nu sister in law knew wat was going on. He told us to only take a white taxi, because those are legit.

Right now we are two days in, when I try to post this in the morning our third day wil start. So far we have seen the pantheon, the trevi fountain and Vatican city. The last one we did today. I found It beautifull, espacially the Saint Peter cathedral. I walked in and literally lost my breath after the second step. Right after I got the urge to cry my eyes out, no clue as to why. The feeling left me the moment I went outside, but I have taken my time inside, it was so beautifull. Literally breathtaking in my case. Next stop will be the colloseum, looking forward to that to.

Not to far from the hotel we have found a restaurant that will be our place for dinner during all of our stay. Not to expensive, good service and most important good food and drinks.

I will go on being a tourist untill Friday, such punishment being here :D. At the beginning I wrote the post would be longer, but I find I want to sleep when I enter my room, so the writing is quite compact, but I will try to remember the best bits and maybe elaborate on this in a later blog. This is it for now. Write to you later.

Love dreamer