Social…

Slowly but steadily I’m starting to turn into a social caterpillar. People who think I don’t know that it’s supposed to be a butterfly are wrong, I know…. I just don’t think I’m close to being a social butterfly. Baby steps people.

I can be super social as far as people see. I know how to talk about the weather and other nonsense, but it takes effort. Why go through the trouble if you don’t have to right? Most people would say “because it is fun”. It’s not always fun! But let’s leave that debate alone. To each his own.

I’ve always preferred to be on my own or in small groups. Loads of people make me feel uneasy, but you can’t always avoid it. Even though I see it that way, I started an education to become a social worker. I like people, just in small doses. At that point in my life I felt terrible. I would much rather die, but was afraid of pain. My mum informed school about my feelings. That combined with having trouble with some of the target groups made the school tell me I needed social interactions training.

Yep, I needed training in order to be able to participate in Smalltalk. I am glad for it, because I doubt if I would have been able to do that without the training. I firmly believe I would be a hermit that lives among people, but tries hard not to interact with them. But now I actually talk with people. So I’ve told you about the old man I’ve met at the theatre before. I didn’t meet him again, but last week I talked to three people!

See what I mean by social caterpillar? Slowly but steadily I start interacting with strangers at the theatre. Of course you don’t want to exaggerate, so today I’m writing my blog on my phone, so I can keep to myself. Small doses…. Maybe one day, if I get to grow very old, I’ll get to reach the butterfly stage.

Love dreamer

New year, bad start part two

As promised, I owe you the story of how the post of the second week didn’t appear, while I had planned to take only one week off.

As you know I go to the theatre on most Fridays. That Friday was no exception. I sat at a table, cup of warm water besides me (tea without the tea so to speak) and had my phone in front of me, typing up a blog. So far, so good. I was about halfway through when an older man came up to me, asked if I was alone, and after getting that affirmed, asked if he could sit at the table. Sure, take a seat. (The man could have been my grandpa, he just wanted someone to talk to).

The man sat down, so I had a decision to make: be impolite and finish the blog for you to read of talk to the man that looked a bit lost and alone. I chose to be a good person and talk to the old man. He told me he had made the decision to go to the play that afternoon. He’d taken the gamble, went in and got himself a ticket. He was all alone, so he didn’t do there kind of things often, because it is hard to do this when you’re alone. (I know, because I wouldn’t be doing this alone if I wouldn’t have had my pass)

He still had his own house and garden. Loved to work in his garden, but missed some company, especially  after sundown The world gets a lot smaller after sundown he said.

He knew how to keep himself occupied, but it was lonely, and so he decided he’d go to the theatre tonight and see how things would go. He didn’t have a clue what the play was about, but of the four actors three where old as well, and he remembered how he loved one of the actresses when he was young, so he came to take a look at someone from his youth. I liked the man a lot. It took guts to do this, buy a ticket, sit at a table with a total stranger and be honest enough to tell them you don’t know what you’re going to, but you like one of the actresses.

I truly hope he enjoyed himself and maybe I’ll see him this week, because another old actor has a show I’m going to. The old man seemed interested as well. The funny thing is… the man had a voice I loved listening to. It was a warm deeper kind of voice and his way of talking reminded me of someone. It took me most of the time listening to him to get the right name in my head. It is the same voice as an old comedian from my country had when he was still alive! I remember the comedian, because he is highly regarded in our country. The only images I’ve ever seen are in black and white, that’s how old he is. And this man in the here and now sounds just like that man in black and white. If I closed my eyes I would swear I was listening to something from way back when on T.V. I truly hope to see this man again.

So last week I wanted to post two blogs at once, since one was nearly finished, but then… It turns out that the application on my phone has issues. I’ve written on it almost every Friday. When I need to walk around I turn off my screen so I don’t write nonsense by accident. It is hard enough to read when I do it on purpose, so I try to keep is doable for you. It turns out the app won’t write text after I turn on the screen again. Nice! @#%*

While talking to the man the week before he told me his eyes were getting bad. He had trouble reading, so I tried to show him larger text on my phone. At that time I had the blog I was writing in front of me and pressed the voice to text button by accident. That meant I had to go back over the text I’d already written, to get out the nonsense. While doing this I had to move from the spot I was at, so I blacked the screen, went to another seat, turned the screen back on and….. couldn’t write. No matter how many keys I hit, not one letter appeared in my text screen. I fidgeted around, not knowing what was going on yet and……… lost the whole thing I had written down. Before I knew it the screen was blank and the app said the changes where saved. I couldn’t get the stuff I had already written last week back. So I started over, wrote part one and promised part two. Here it is. And since I had a dream in-between you got to read that before I put up part two. Be honest, where you thinking I would forget?

I would have thought that, but hey, that’s because I am me 😀

Until next time!

Love
Dreamer

Ninja Robot

They’re baaaaaaaaaaack. The dreams have reappeared and I remember them, at least when I just got out of bed, so…. Here we go!

At first there is this demonstration of a ninja robot. Not just a ninja robot, nope, a killer one. It looks a bit like Wall-E, but completely black and not friendly. Red eyes and all (as far as you can speak of eyes in a robot). The thing drives around with a sword on its back and is capable of going up and down stairs, getting so low to the ground is it almost flat. Those Wall-E thread tires can move around his body an split, that’s how he flattens. He will approach his target with almost no sound and strike out very fast. You don’t have a change of escape when it comes for you.

The man behind the robot is very proud of his invention. It is a smart robot, made to kill. Yeah, that will go well. My dreams are like movies. These things turn to horror/thriller situations in no time. You never split up, you never go looking for things that are bad an everything that can turn around on you will. Sorry for the spoiler, but if you have been reading my blog you already knew this was coming. Let’s go on with the dream.

I asked the man if he’s not afraid of the robot. No of course not! He was smart enough to make an off switch on the thing. He’d show me. He calls the robot over to him, takes it in his arms and starts saying something inaudible, but definitely meant to calm the robot and prepare it for being turned off. I guess it didn’t like that, because before the man can flip the switch he gets killed by his own robot. Right, as I said, that will go well.

Next scene, no more robot. I am at home It is my home, but is isn’t the home I live in in real life. The layout is different, but I know I live here. I hear something outside and go to investigate. There is a man I don’t know. He’s in the garden of the neighbours, or at least where the garden should be. I look at the house and see it has burned down, as did the three houses on the other side of our neighbours house. I realise we have been very lucky this turn of the year, because our house doesn’t have a scratch. The man is interested in the houses and asks me to give him the ‘grand tour’ I don’t know why, but I take time to walk around with him and tell him about the houses and what they looked like when they burned down.

I guess that whole part didn’t last long, because next scene I’m back inside the house, doing something for myself when……dung, dung duuuuuuuung….. I hear something very soft, look through the crack of the door leading to the stairs and see something black coming down them very slowly. (while writing this down the hairs on my arms and in the back of my neck are standing up, I want to look through the window behind me to know if I’m truly safe, but I am scared to do so. Why don’t I sit in a chair with my back to the wall, so I can see danger coming, like a normal person would. Or would that be the paranoid kind? Who cares, I hate the way I’m sitting right now, but I’m afraid to move, so on with the dream already!)

I know it is the ninja robot, there to kill me. Why? Because I witnessed it killing the man that created it? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. I start walking around in my living room like nothing is the matter, but I take my keys in hand, making as little noise with them as possible. I open the first door, come into some sort of extra room and have to get through another set of doors to get out of the house. I put my key in the lock and notice something black in the backyard. It heard me using my keys, knew what I was doing and went outside to wait for me there! What do I do now?

I decide to call the cops. Lucky for me dreams and movies work around time issues, because it only takes a second for the cops to arrive. They see the robot and drive up real close to it. The robot laughs (a human evil laugh, hear it come from an evil black Wall-E and try not to be scared, I dare you). It warns the cops to retreat or it will use a bomb. The cops reaction: “don’t be so stupid, you’ll be blown away as well.” This is how the robot knows they are not going to listen. A blast follows. The cops burn to a crisp and turn into a pile of dust (movie style). The Robot laughs again, turns around and looks me dead in the eye. I’m doomed.

At this point I wake up. At least I didn’t get killed, but I think I’ll be on the lookout for a while, just in case.

Love
Dreamer

New year, bad start part one

The new year arrived, but two posts didn’t. Not because they couldn’t find the new year, but because I didn’t write them, or more correctly, because I didn’t write them completely. I had part of the second one, but things happened. I’ll come back to that later.

You didn’t hear from me the first week, because I decided to take a week off. Why. Nothing to tell, no interesting dreams, nothing. No that’s not completely true. The dreams were interesting, but I couldn’t remember them well enough. The only thing I know for sure is that I was running away from something in all of them and one of them made me think of stranger things, like I was in an episode or something.

I had one thing to share, but that could wait. It was about the last day of 2019. As you might have read before I always ride my bike to work and back and I’m afraid of fireworks. Fine combination on the last day of the year. You might think I would think ahead and take a bus, but then I wouldn’t be me, so no, I didn’t and I had a whole day to think about the ride home, since not long after arriving at work I heard the first fireworks explode.

The time to go home grew nearer and I felt more and more like sleeping at work and canceling all plans that we had made. The day brought loads of explosions and almost as many sirens in answer. I had to go through that madness! I decided to take the back roads, thinking kids would definitely be “playing” with their fireworks in the streets. They where, sure enough, but that doesn’t take away the fact that there are larger ‘kids’ on the fields I passed.

I paddled like crazy to get home as fast as I could, my mum on the phone (hands free) to keep me calm. She had a lot of “oh f*ck” in her ear. Luckily she understands fear. I kept her updated about how far along I was. My street was almost in view… Then fear struc even worse. There were so many loud bangs coming from our street! I told myself I had to go and so I went. Once inside my heart did everything it could to pass through my rib cage, muscles, skin and everything else it needed to pass to get out of my body. Luckily I’m not as fragile as I sometimes feel, because my body kept my heart from escaping. Phew.

I put on some nice clothes and make-up. My partner arrived in time and freshened up as well and off we went. Into the mist. Yes mist. So many people where playing with fireworks, while not much could be seen. I am sure they did it to scare me, it was all about freeing my heart from my chest. But guess what…. I won. If I can I’ll put up another blog today or soon. This week you deserve two. Let’s see if I’ll come through.

Love dreamer

Temp

So ever since I have finished my studies I have had a temp job. I have been working for the same agency since 2009. Now ten years later a change is going to happen.

The company I currently work at as a temp is giving me a contract! A contract for a year, so still nothing permanent, but I won’t be a temp anymore! It is exciting and scary at the same time.

What will happen?

I have this old fashioned notion that I would like to grow old in a job. I know, you can’t think like that nowadays. Why not though? Why do you have to ‘grow’ and move on. I would like to have a job I know through and through, where I feel comfortable and helpful. I want to stay in one place, care for what I do, without thinking about ‘right impressions’ if that means they want me to move onto other jobs.

What is this bull about having to get restless if you work a job about five years. If you do certain jobs it will take you at least two years to learn the basics! How in the world does a job like that have you bored in five years? Why do people think you can’t be trusted to do your job for years at end with the same energy as you had in your first few years?

Am I boring? Maybe, but I like it. I like the safety, I like knowing what I do. I don’t want to feel like I have to be some-one I’m not, but if I don’t I might be out of a job forever. Now what? Well whatever it is going to be, I am going to give it my very best effort. I like the job I’m in at the moment and I hope they will see I do the best I can and won’t mind I don’t want to ‘move on’.

I don’t know if another contract will be in the cards anyway, because the company states that it will need less and less people, but who knows. 2019 began with a lot of positivity, so I hope that spiral will last a long time. We’ll see. For now…. Just a few more temp days, and then celebrate my new contract!!!

Love
Dreamer

Shopping spree

Today I went shopping because I truly needed to. Why? I’ll tell you, but I’ll start at the beginning.

I have been gaining weight, and losing it, and gaining it, and losing it, and so on…
Why, because I love food and find it difficult to keep a steady weight. Think about it what you want, I made peace with it. I’ve got clothes to fit me through different sizes, and I have made the deal with myself not to buy bigger ones than I have now. If I grow further than the largest clothes I have, I have a problem.

Why would you do that. Well I love to live, but I want to have a clear line, so when I hit the biggest size, I have to take a few steps back. I don’t mind, I am happy living that way, healthy or not. At least I don’t start eating because of my size. I live and am happy with the way I look. When I start to hate the figure I see in the mirror, I take care of it.

The last pair of pants I bought was about 4 months ago (for choir), the last pair I bought for myself was about a year ago and that time I truly needed to, because of…. Well let’s keep it at the fact that I needed one without blood to wear at work.

So this week started, I rode my bike to work, had a nice day and somewhere during the day I go to the toilet. While sitting down I notice a light spot in my pants, I reach for it and…. Damn, a hole. Not a very visible one I guess, because no-one told me it was there (let’s hope that is because they didn’t notice). Well the pants would have to be thrown out, too bad.

The next day came around, I put on another pair of pants and went to work. During the lunchbreak I went for a walk with two colleagues I really like. We were talking about stuff and at one point I told them that I had to throw out a pair of pants I had been wearing the day before. I told them it had worn on the inside of the leg (a spot that wears out easily when you ride your bike daily) and pointed to the spot. Only to discover this pair had the same problem!!!

Well, that means a legal shopping spree. I need new pants, because I don’t have that many left. Lucky for me my partner doesn’t mind, so we went shopping. My sister in law pointed me to a shop that was having a super sale (and quality clothes) so we went there. I went straight for the pants on sale, found four I liked and went to try them on. They fit nicely, and at a size that is acceptable (not bigger than I told myself I can go) especially since  it is one size below my accepted limit. My partner found a nice pair in the new collection as well (this one was pricy, since it was not on sale) and I decided to buy that one as well.

So now I have five new pairs of pants and I bought a new belt as well. I feel good. The best part…. It took about half an hour to find, fit and buy them. Now that is a kind of shopping I like. I didn’t look at the tags, because I just needed new pants. I picked what I liked, fitted and took it home. At the end I was happily surprised at the amount I had to pay, because of the sale. It was worth it. And hey, it’s not like I will be spending a lot of money on any pants soon, I have got five pairs now, I won’t need to go unless they are worn out again, so let’s hope the quality turns out to be what it promises.

Love
Dreamer

Write a story online?

So I’ve been thinking… I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I have been thinking….

Last year I restarted a story after a friend of me told me she wanted to read more of my writing. Occasionally I take some time to work on it, but not enough. Why not? Series what else. Watching them like a zombie.

So just now I thought, what about writing my story online? Where? On this site. When? Every Thursday, just as my blog. Instead of just a blog post I try to post information about my story. Another bit I wrote for the story itself of information having to do with my story. Thing about the information, it gives you spoilers, but some people don’t mind, so they could read it. I’d have to make sure I get two more items on my site: book and background book or something like that.

Would you like that? If so let me know. I can’t say for sure I will do it, but chances are I will.
The thing keeping me back right now is…. Well it’s not just one thing.

  1. Do you want me to share it/ would you read it?
  2. If I share it online, is it still mine or can anybody go and take it?
  3. Is my story good enough to share?
  4. I have no clue how big the thing will get, could be a small story, could be closer to a book.
  5. If I decide to write it and put it here, do I share the spoilers/thoughts behind the writing or don’t I?

See plenty to think about. Let me know will you.

For now I will just keep writing my blog online, but I will think about putting my story out there, just so you know. The biggest challenge will be that I would have to do it in English and that is as I wrote before, not my native language. I guess I would write in my own language and translate for the blog 😀

How could I only just know remember I am writing in another language than English? I guess it is because English feels like a second nature (when I talk that is, not writing in English) My mind doesn’t have trouble with the language, so…..

Well that’s it for now. I will go record some of my previous blogs to get SoundCloud up to date.

Love
Dreamer