Temp

So ever since I have finished my studies I have had a temp job. I have been working for the same agency since 2009. Now ten years later a change is going to happen.

The company I currently work at as a temp is giving me a contract! A contract for a year, so still nothing permanent, but I won’t be a temp anymore! It is exciting and scary at the same time.

What will happen?

I have this old fashioned notion that I would like to grow old in a job. I know, you can’t think like that nowadays. Why not though? Why do you have to ‘grow’ and move on. I would like to have a job I know through and through, where I feel comfortable and helpful. I want to stay in one place, care for what I do, without thinking about ‘right impressions’ if that means they want me to move onto other jobs.

What is this bull about having to get restless if you work a job about five years. If you do certain jobs it will take you at least two years to learn the basics! How in the world does a job like that have you bored in five years? Why do people think you can’t be trusted to do your job for years at end with the same energy as you had in your first few years?

Am I boring? Maybe, but I like it. I like the safety, I like knowing what I do. I don’t want to feel like I have to be some-one I’m not, but if I don’t I might be out of a job forever. Now what? Well whatever it is going to be, I am going to give it my very best effort. I like the job I’m in at the moment and I hope they will see I do the best I can and won’t mind I don’t want to ‘move on’.

I don’t know if another contract will be in the cards anyway, because the company states that it will need less and less people, but who knows. 2019 began with a lot of positivity, so I hope that spiral will last a long time. We’ll see. For now…. Just a few more temp days, and then celebrate my new contract!!!

Love
Dreamer

Shopping spree

Today I went shopping because I truly needed to. Why? I’ll tell you, but I’ll start at the beginning.

I have been gaining weight, and losing it, and gaining it, and losing it, and so on…
Why, because I love food and find it difficult to keep a steady weight. Think about it what you want, I made peace with it. I’ve got clothes to fit me through different sizes, and I have made the deal with myself not to buy bigger ones than I have now. If I grow further than the largest clothes I have, I have a problem.

Why would you do that. Well I love to live, but I want to have a clear line, so when I hit the biggest size, I have to take a few steps back. I don’t mind, I am happy living that way, healthy or not. At least I don’t start eating because of my size. I live and am happy with the way I look. When I start to hate the figure I see in the mirror, I take care of it.

The last pair of pants I bought was about 4 months ago (for choir), the last pair I bought for myself was about a year ago and that time I truly needed to, because of…. Well let’s keep it at the fact that I needed one without blood to wear at work.

So this week started, I rode my bike to work, had a nice day and somewhere during the day I go to the toilet. While sitting down I notice a light spot in my pants, I reach for it and…. Damn, a hole. Not a very visible one I guess, because no-one told me it was there (let’s hope that is because they didn’t notice). Well the pants would have to be thrown out, too bad.

The next day came around, I put on another pair of pants and went to work. During the lunchbreak I went for a walk with two colleagues I really like. We were talking about stuff and at one point I told them that I had to throw out a pair of pants I had been wearing the day before. I told them it had worn on the inside of the leg (a spot that wears out easily when you ride your bike daily) and pointed to the spot. Only to discover this pair had the same problem!!!

Well, that means a legal shopping spree. I need new pants, because I don’t have that many left. Lucky for me my partner doesn’t mind, so we went shopping. My sister in law pointed me to a shop that was having a super sale (and quality clothes) so we went there. I went straight for the pants on sale, found four I liked and went to try them on. They fit nicely, and at a size that is acceptable (not bigger than I told myself I can go) especially since  it is one size below my accepted limit. My partner found a nice pair in the new collection as well (this one was pricy, since it was not on sale) and I decided to buy that one as well.

So now I have five new pairs of pants and I bought a new belt as well. I feel good. The best part…. It took about half an hour to find, fit and buy them. Now that is a kind of shopping I like. I didn’t look at the tags, because I just needed new pants. I picked what I liked, fitted and took it home. At the end I was happily surprised at the amount I had to pay, because of the sale. It was worth it. And hey, it’s not like I will be spending a lot of money on any pants soon, I have got five pairs now, I won’t need to go unless they are worn out again, so let’s hope the quality turns out to be what it promises.

Love
Dreamer

Write a story online?

So I’ve been thinking… I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I have been thinking….

Last year I restarted a story after a friend of me told me she wanted to read more of my writing. Occasionally I take some time to work on it, but not enough. Why not? Series what else. Watching them like a zombie.

So just now I thought, what about writing my story online? Where? On this site. When? Every Thursday, just as my blog. Instead of just a blog post I try to post information about my story. Another bit I wrote for the story itself of information having to do with my story. Thing about the information, it gives you spoilers, but some people don’t mind, so they could read it. I’d have to make sure I get two more items on my site: book and background book or something like that.

Would you like that? If so let me know. I can’t say for sure I will do it, but chances are I will.
The thing keeping me back right now is…. Well it’s not just one thing.

  1. Do you want me to share it/ would you read it?
  2. If I share it online, is it still mine or can anybody go and take it?
  3. Is my story good enough to share?
  4. I have no clue how big the thing will get, could be a small story, could be closer to a book.
  5. If I decide to write it and put it here, do I share the spoilers/thoughts behind the writing or don’t I?

See plenty to think about. Let me know will you.

For now I will just keep writing my blog online, but I will think about putting my story out there, just so you know. The biggest challenge will be that I would have to do it in English and that is as I wrote before, not my native language. I guess I would write in my own language and translate for the blog 😀

How could I only just know remember I am writing in another language than English? I guess it is because English feels like a second nature (when I talk that is, not writing in English) My mind doesn’t have trouble with the language, so…..

Well that’s it for now. I will go record some of my previous blogs to get SoundCloud up to date.

Love
Dreamer

New year!

Well hello everyone! Welcome to 2019 and all the best wishes to all of you.

I only have one new year resolution and that’s writing a blog every Thursday again even if I’ve got loads of things to do on that day, because I know I’ve been terrible at posting regularly at the end of 2018.

So what’s new? Not much, just been busy. Christmas with my mom on one day, with the family of my partner on the other day and the second one was at our house so I tried my best to be a good host, we had a nice dinner and the next day I had to be back at work, stressful, but Christmas was wonderful.

For New Year’s eve we had three other couples at our home, they all slept at our place, so obviously stressful as well, but a wonderful time as well and everything went as planned, so yeah, the end of 2018 was a nice one, but I am glad we entered 2019 and things calmed down again.

On the note of calming down, my dreams are still not that calm, because last night I had a nice weird dream again. Although, nice? Maybe not that nice, because adrenaline was pumping, but we all survived. Thing is, I don’t remember much, because I didn’t take enough time to wake up. My mind started racing as soon as I opened my eyes and that is when dreams get away from you. I do remember some of it though.

I remember a huge Santa and a little Santa that tried to get to me and several others to do ….. Well, that part got away from me, but I know we were scared. At one point I figured we would try and trap them in separate rooms and in order to get them there I would leave a trail of photographs taken off them while they were sleeping (why would you take those and why would they follow the trail? Not a clue, but I was damned sure it would work). I left the trail running through the building, but they woke up before I was done and started following the trail before I could get to de rooms we wanted to use to lock them in, so we had to hide instead.

At one point, while both Santa’s were looking for us an idea struck me and I knew how we could get rid of those demons (I have started supernatural from the start again, so I guess that’s where this came from). All we had to do was get our hands on their present bag and pull that over their heads, they would both fit inside (I’ve been watching Christmas Chronicles :D)  and would not be able to get out, so we could than bury the bag and be done with it. So I sprinted forward and took the bag with ease because they didn’t expect me to take it.

I jumped the small Santa first pulled the bag over his head and with a little wiggling pulled it over the rest of his body. The bag stayed small and the other Santa started out looking scared, than he looked furious. I jumped him as well and then both of them where gone.

That is all I remember, but I know the feeling of the full dream and that was adrenaline filled.

That is it for the first blog of this year. Write to you next week (let’s hope this is one resolution I can stick to).

Love

Dreamer

Changing directions

The last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster and they hit me out of nowhere.
I decided then and there it is time to change.

The last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster and they hit me out of nowhere.

The company I work for doe soooooooooo much to help the people that work there grow!
Since I work here (about half a year) I have been to six events organized by the company and four of them where actually based on growing as a person! On one of the occasions there even was a professional photographer to take pictures you can use as profile pictures!

Last Tuesday I had a workshop to find out if I am on the right track. I figured it would entail hearing if you are still right for the company, but man was I wrong!
We worked on finding out who we are, if we are doing the thing that makes us feel good and what we need in the changing society in order to stay on top of thing, with or without the company we are working for.

We got a chance to listen to each other, and help to find ways to reach goals. It was that workshop that helped me figure out I have been relying on safety where it can’t be necessarily found. From the moment the workshop had started I knew, this would be a mirror I needed. Every aspect of it talked about changes. How the world changed over the years. Think about it…. The year 2000, what where you doing? What was hot at that time? Your phone, what did it look like? (I had a yellow phone that could make calls and send text messages. I could even send pixel pictures, no photos. It was a pre-payed device.) For fun, go on the internet, and look at the news of that year.

So changes. We got shown YouTube clips that talked about change. One of those showed penguins. It had subtitles that said we all walk a much walked path, but there is always a first person to want to try another. If there are enough people willing to follow the first (most of the times after he/she has been declared the biggest fool alive) a new path has been made and will be followed until the next individual gets the idea to try something new.
That is how things work.
I am the follow the path kind of person. Afraid to go off alone. What if there are monsters to eat me!

The last thing we got shown was a picture of a lot of birds on a branch. I think you will all know it. It states that birds are not afraid of the branch breaking, because they trust their wings.
I don’t trust my wings, so I put my trust in the branch. I never thought about the things that can happen to it. I picked a sturdy one to sit on, not a flimsy thing on the side of the tree!
But what if there is a fire, or a storm or something? I never thought about it. I wonder if I am the only one stupid enough not to  trust myself.
Correction, not stupid enough. I am insecure as hell.

I decided then and there it is time to change. I have been through about a third of my life if I am lucky enough. You are never too old to learn, so you sure as hell are not too old to change, if you really want to. And I do.

So I am going to try and become a volunteer in the field of work I wanted to work in since I was a teenager (but could not afford the study). I have already heard I should not go for the study until I find work, so why start with work? Start as a volunteer, create a network, show my worth

AND START TRUSTING MY OWN WINGS, BECAUSE THEY ARE DAMNED GOOD ONES!!!!!!

Love dreamer

Jerks

I start with ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks, but that goes for anyone of course. In this particular situation I am actually talking about a handicapped person.

Ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks? I don’t have anything against anyone and handicap or not, it does not matter to me, I can be  friends with you if you want to and let me. I definitely try not to make a difference between whoever I meet (handicap, skin colour, accent, financial state, sexual preference, anything) because we are all people.

I say try, because I am human to and sometimes not wanting to make a difference means you have to go against instinct. All of us have ideas drilled in from places like home, school, our friends. Those ideas sometimes make that you are afraid of others or think they are weird of anything. I try to give everyone a fair chance and most of the times I succeed.

I start with ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks, but that goes for anyone of course. In this particular situation I am actually talking about a handicapped person.

We all use the quality’s  we have to help us along in life, so if you have a handicap and you can take advantage of it without hurting anyone, do it! You would be a fool not to, because so many people do it as well. But do not think you deserve special treatment because of your handicap, other than medical based. You are a person just as all the others.

Why this? Well I’ve been to a concert last weekend. I had a blast, until I had a wheelchair up at my legs.
This event did not have seats and did not have an area for wheelchairs. I think that is a huge flaw from the organisation, but nothing to be helped at that moment. I did not go alone, there were several of us there, one of them actually in a wheel chair. He had done his research and knew there was no special place for him, so he saw the concert from the side of the stage near the railings that they put up in front of it. The place opened long before the real concert started and there was a lot of space to get near the stage, even for wheelchairs.
There was this young man in such a vehicle that stayed well in the back of the room, but when the concert started he started to move forward. Inch by inch he crept nearer. I was dancing, having a blast, until my room to move was cut off by this metal contraption. (It was a big chair, not the sports type, but the type that does everything for you, it even went up, so the guys eyes where at the same height as most peoples!) Quite a thing it was, and it was pressing at my legs, so I moved a bit to the side, things can happen, he would not do it on purpose right. No he would not. So I had stepped aside (enough room to move after all) and he kept creeping forward!!! Intentionally inching to peoples legs, making them step aside so he would have an even better view!!!!!!

I decided to not let it bother me and enjoy the concert. When he was right beside me I even tried to made a friendly eye contact. Both he and the woman he was with looked at me like I should have dropped dead at the spot. I still feel icy if I think of those looks. And afterward I heard a lot of people complain about this guy and his bulldozer chair.

But that said and my heart cleared. The concert was great (it was golden earring) and I had a blast.
It was a well-blended audience of old and young. The band was great. Everyone was wearing sneakers and comfortable clothing, but not me!!!!! If I go out I want to look the part, so I had put on a dress and the same high heels I wore at New Year’s Eve. You should have seen the look on the faces of some people :D. This was obviously one of the reasons for me to move aside for the bulldozer. Imagine that thing getting on you bare toes!  The horror! Near the end of the concert we went and stood on the side, where our friend in his chair had been. Some girls noticed my heels, I tell you, the missed the encore because they were too busy looking, pointing and whispering. No way someone could have done a concert in these heels!!!! I have, and enjoyed the whole thing, with or without bulldozer.

Love dreamer

P.S. I know I can’t draw, it is the idea that counts 😀

Feeling comfortable

I always hear people say they know they belong together because they are comfortable when they are. That’s not true!

So last night before I fell asleep a thought crossed my mind. I always hear people say they know they belong together because they are comfortable when they are. That’s not true! I mean it is, but not completely.

Yes, I feel comfortable in ‘letting one rip’ when I am with my partner, I feel comfortable in being my silly self around them, even if my partner doesn’t always feel comfortable when I am being my silly self. Complete picture, yes… I feel safe, comfortable and happy as one can be, but……

When lying in bed I discovered true love is willing to be uncomfortable for the one you love.
I love to fall asleep in the arms of my partner, not comfortable for them, but it means the world to me, so I fall asleep in their arms and when I am soundly of to the land of dreams (trust me I visit there regularly and it is such a strange place!) my partner rolls me into a comfortable position for the both of us.

Last night I could not fall asleep as easily as I am used to, so I tossed and turned. I found myself constantly wanting to make contact. Just touching skin or anything, feeling that you are both in the same bed. In doing so I found a position that did not disturb my partners sleep and made me feel safe and warm, but not all to comfortable. As a matter of fact, I still feel the crick in my neck now that I have woken up to go to work. My partner turned while asleep, so it became even more uncomfortable, because a very important thing called oxygen became difficult to get in my lungs. Difficult, not impossible, so as long as I could breathe I did not mind being this uncomfortable. Eventually I even fell asleep, so…….

Conclusion, you know when you belong together when you feel comfortable in being you and are willing to be uncomfortable just to be a little bit closer to each other.

Love dreamer