The days in between

So Christmas is done… Just a few days left and this year is done. 2020 wil be a fact. Just a couple of days left. Am I proud of this year? No idea. Proud enough I guess. I didn’t do things that will forever be classified as bad as far as I remember.

Christmas brought three days of people and food. To much I know, so I behaved and didn’t eat until there was no room left. I ate just enough, and to be honest, I’m pretty proud of that! It is a necessity, but still, I was able to hold back, that’s something to be proud about. Even if you know you don’t want to get heavier, it is something else to actually act on it.

Another first for me…. I actually played a game. And what’s even more baffling…. I actually liked it. We had friends over at Christmas Eve. They know I hate playing games, because I am hate losing and ruin everyone’s day/evening as a result. But they had acquired a new game, send me a message upfront, asking if they could/should bring it. Since it was a game where all players would have to work together to win from the game I agreed.

These friends like social experiments, and my partner and me became one. I have to agree, it was a successful experiment! We lost twice, but won the third try. It was past midnight when our friends left. Lucky for them we won the third time around, because I would have kept them until we would have. Even if we would have to cancel every other Christmas or New year’s Eve appointment!

The next two days we spent with our families. Two more lovely days, but still no spirit (see last week’s blog). Let’s hope New year’s Eve will bring a bit more spirit. For now I’m pretty proud I played a game. I would even like to do that again, so thank you friends (you know who you are) for a new experience. Until next year everyone. Hope you all have a good time

Love, dreamer

Where’s my spirit?

I seem to have lost it… my spirit. Last year I talked about how warm this time of year is. This year I feel cold. So cold I can’t believe it. How can this be. I know I’m happy, yet I don’t feel the spirit.

I’ve put up my tree quite early this year (December 7th, is quite early where I’m concerned). I’ve visited two fairs. I’ve had a Christmas brunch at work, where everyone in my team made or bought something to eat/drink. It was lovely and delicious. We took some extra time to play 30 seconds, so we all had a wonderful lunch, but no spirit for me. I went along, even played the game (I hate games, because I can’t stand to lose), but nothing.

How come you feel so much joy and warmth one year, while there seems to be a black hole the next.
It’s not like I don’t want to feel the spirit, I just don’t… Maybe this year the loss of loved ones is in the back of my mind. Maybe I just don’t feel it because of other reasons. I can’t tell.

I don’t think I’m depressed right now, because I feel pretty good. I just feel a bit empty, because I miss the spirit. Ah well, better luck next year. For now, let’s get ready for some busy days and loads of food my body doesn’t need, but I will still eat.

This year one of the woman I hike with on Sundays suggested to have a Christmas with friends. Not on the actual days, because we all have family to deal with then, but just before. So tomorrow we are going to have a winter BBQ. Although winter… You could almost go outside in a dress and be oké. The weather is quite mild. Then Christmas eve some friends will come to have a pleasant evening with me and my partner (looking forward to seeing them again!). The next two days will be spent with my partners family and mine. And to complete the whole ordeal.. I took a look in my planner this morning and found out I planned an evening hanging out with two friends the day before Christmas eve. I haven’t broken this news to my partner yet and somehow I don’t think they are going to like that.

Then a long weekend and two day’s work left this year. Before we know it we have arrived in 2020. A new start… a new search for the spirit. Luckily for me I’ve got a whole year to find next year’s spirit (minus a couple of days, but hey, who’s counting).

I hope you all have your spirit. If not… We will survive. Since my spirit is missing, I’ve got room to spare for people who need warmth, just like me. Let’s get warm together. If you have you spirit, I hope (and almost know) you’ll share yours with those in need of the warmth. Together we will make the last days of this year special, each in our own way.

Love
dreamer

Dreaming up inventions?

This week I had a dream where I invented something for McDonald to use. So if you see this in use in future, I should be rewarded. I decided to share it with you, even though my idea might get stolen. But before I share my idea I will tell you about my weekend, because I think this inspired my dream.

Christmas is around the corner. Over the years traditions form. One of these traditions is visiting a Christmas fair in our neighbouring country with my partner their sister and her husband. This year was quite a nice one. Lots off stalls with lots to buy. Christmas ornaments, warm clothing, food, drinks, everything I want at such a fair. Including a Ferris wheel.

The day started with a drizzle, but it was supposed to clear up, so we decided to go nonetheless. To get out of the rain we entered a mall, but everything but the food and drink places was closed. That was one short visit. Back to the fair. I bought myself a Ugears (see picture above). And on our way out I bought a candy apple. No fair is complete without a candy apple!

Before leaving my partner’s sister and ride the Ferris wheel. It was cold, wet (even though the rain had stopped by this time) an there was very little to see. We where hoping for a nice view of the fair, but…. Nope. Buildings all around. To bad. We had fun though!

On our way home we needed to eat, so we stopped at a roadside place that had different options. One of those options was McDonald’s. (And that’s where a dream started to grow). All the other stuff was not for me, Mc it was. A big Mac menu. Now back where I live you get this awesome sauce, but not in our neighbouring country. Our sauce comes in a small plastic cup, theirs in a plastic bag you have to empty before you can use it.

What do you do then. Normally it’s no problem. Empty everything on the paper in the tray. This time we took everything in the car. I emptied my fries in the bag and put the sauce on the package of the fries. We had a nice weekend.

Now the dream. For real! I dreamt I thought up a way to take care of such messes as I had to deal with in the car. McDonald’s actually hired me for this! (At least in my dream. The solution? At the moment the holder has a longer back than front. If you give the front an extra wing on the bottom, one that has a logo when is flattened along the front, but when you fold it out, you can form it into a cup, so it holds your sauce!

Well what do you think. Would you like that? I know I would. That’s probably why I remember. Well that’s it for now, enjoy the lights and merrymaking. And if you feel worse because of it… Hang it there! You are worth it, it will pass.

Love, dreamer

Surprised

Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it…. But I’m starting the story at the end, so let me start at the beginning.

When I was a lot younger I heard my parents talk about their life and their jobs. On TV I saw people working. I knew one day I would have to work as well. That’s a part of life, and I was taught the importance of a hard day’s work. I didn’t mind, was actually looking forward to it.

Now way back when (actually not that long ago, but the changes are happening so fast it feels like centuries) it was normal for a person to work for the same employer for years and years. In this day and age, if you say you want to work at the same place until your retirement (or even past a couple of years) you don’t have enough drive. You need to want to go places, wether you like it or not.

Growing up I figured I’d find a job I like, to spend the rest of my life working there. Yeh right… Weirdo. From the first job I had it had been jobs through a temping agency or payroll office. Never a contract with the company I actually worked for. The thing I remember most from 2009 on is wondering if I would get a new contract through the temp agency. If contracts for the company became available I had to apply for the job! Write a letter that went to people that didn’t know me, and two of the three times I applied, turned my letter down. The third time I could ‘come in’ for a job interview. WHY?!? I have worked for you for a long time, with good results. Why not base who you offer a contract to on that information?

Suffice it to say, I never got a contract. I was however lucky enough to be one of few who got a contract for an undetermined time with the temp agency. Since the employer I worked for went through the same process of not knowing wether or not there would be a renewal (and informing us a few days before the end of our contract) the temp agency introduced me to another employer.

I started working there and loved it. The company must have liked me too, because they offered me a contract for a year. Wait what…. No… I most have heard wrong. I am actually going to get a contract with the company I work for? YES! That was approximately a year ago. Another year ending in suspense, but this employer would let me know in time, they had proven that last year. The good thing here, we don’t have to apply for our job, because we already do it. They judge our work, thank goodness.

You might think I ‘talk’ of your ears when reading this, but that becomes much worse if I get nervous. I am glad I only had to apply for my job once at this employer. We were informed that most likely we would be able to get a new contract, but they had to start a procedure for people who had to leave their department. After a period of to weeks we would be informed if there had been any reactions.

This week I had an off day on Tuesday, so I decided to get something at the bakery. It is not polite to eat everything yourself, so I bought some extra to share with my colleagues. Another colleague entered the bakery and said: ” ah, you talked to your manager I see. Congratulations!” I stared at him with a blank expression. What was he talking about? On the way back I met three other colleagues that made the same assumption.

So, we would not just hear if there had been reactions, we would also hear about our contracts. I was hopeful for a new contract for a year, instead I got one without an end date!!!! Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it….

Love dreamer

Message?

So let me tell you about this day I have had…. I wonder if there is a massage there I should pick up on.

It started in the morning. I was riding my bike to work. Nothing special, but I had only travelled about a fifth of the way when….

I was on a main road, there was a crosswalk, but the person using it was just starting to cross it from the opposite side of the street, so I could ride on. On the lane going in the other direction a van was waiting for the person to cross, on my right a car was waiting for the moment he could get out of the side street. I passed the crosswalk and……… a car that came from the left side street had decided to take the chance even though the van kept him from seeing if the road was clear. This car managed to stop just a few centimetres from my bike.
Close call, don’t stop your bike, go on, you need to go to work.

Work was as it always is, nothing special, nothing to talk about here. On the way back home on my bike however….. Just a few blocks away from work a car swayed closer and closer to me. I didn’t trust him to stay on his part of the road, so I slowed down, just in time to avoid a collision because the driver got nearer and nearer to the curb. When waiting for the traffic light I found out why he hadn’t noticed he nearly bumped me off my bike. He had his phone on his lap and it definitely needed his attention, because even when the light turned green he only gave his attention to the road partially. That resulted in him driving slow enough to annoy the car behind him and he kept swaying like he was dancing in his car.

I rode on, still not taking a hint and got home safe. Now earlier that day I had talked to a colleague  about putting up my Christmas tree that evening. She told me I could do it in the weekend, seeing I really didn’t want to, but felt I needed to do it. Well I did feel I needed to do it, because I would not have time in the weekend, so I kept word with me and put up the tree.

After arriving home I went to the attic and got the tree and ornaments down. The instruction on the coloured branches and where the go on the stem was still at the attic, so I went to get it and since I was there I took a ceramic church we put on our subwoofer every Christmas and one of the ornaments that we put in the windowsill. I had gone down one flight of stairs without any problem, on to the second and last flight of stairs. Four steps in, I don’t know what happened but I lost my footing and I went sliding down the rest of the damn thing. I can tell you one thing. Stairs are not made to slide on, to bumpy.

The church survived, for the most part. So did I. It could have gone a lot worse. Both my elbows are blue, my shoulder feels bruised as well and my butt is certainly blue. My tailbone is hurting like hell and sitting isn’t much fun, I suspect it won’t be for a long time, but I survived. Third time that day things could have been bad. Is there a message and if so what.

Did grim reaper try to tell me he wants to take me? I hope that’s not the message. I think I would rather like to think I have great guardian angels and I still have some time to spend on this earth, but I can tell you this. I was glad that day was over. I have been wondering if it would have been better if I had stayed in bed, but with my luck that day I think the bed would have given out as well.

Love
Dreamer

I froze with fear last night!!!!

Last night we were lying in bed. I love to fall asleep cuddled against my love. I was almost there (asleep that is) when suddenly…

Now that that is out, it makes a good title as well, so I’ll leave it there.

Don’t worry, nothing dangerous happened or anything. No burglar, no fire, no nothing.
I froze with fear because of the most scary thought you can have, at least, I think it is.
Before I tell you my thought I’ll give you another insight in my life, and I think you can guess what it is I feared.

I might like to be on my own and favour a small gathering above a huge one (or even just a bigger one than small), but I have found the person I want to share my life with.
Not just now…. Quite some years ago. Luckily for me, up to now the feeling seems to be mutual (you never know) and I take every day I can to enjoy that love.

Last night we were lying in bed. I love to fall asleep cuddled against my love. I was almost there (asleep that is) when suddenly… No it was not that sudden, it had to do with something we talked about before we went to sleep, but I do not remember quite what it was, just that it triggered this thought. (Imagination I have enough of, but memory, boy I stood waaaaaaaay back in line when that got handed out).

Where was I, right, when suddenly….. I realized this could be gone in a heartbeat. I have seen it happen, people losing the love of their life. It could happen. Just the thought of losing my partner and being left behind….. It completely froze me for a second or two. The chill around my heart was soooooooo….. And all the hairs on my body stood up, and my mind wanted to shut down.

At that point I realised, if this is what I feel with my love next to me, at just the thought of losing them, how do the people I know go on with their lives after the real deal. I mean I’ve seen it real close by, the loss of a love with who lives and homes where shared. The people I know are brave and live their lives with this loss. They are in pain about it I am sure, and their lost loves will always be a part of them and their life, but they live, they go on!!!!!

So here is a shout-out and a super big hug to all those who found the strength of mind and body to live without the person that once made their world revolve. I have got great respect for what you are doing, even if it is said that you have to live your life because you are not the one who died, because a part of you died that day. You can be proud of yourself for finding the strength to go on and I hope you will keep doing so.

If you are reading this and you have lost your love, but don’t know where to get the strength and have (part) given up, I hope you find the strength to go on and make something of the rest of your life, but I won’t judge you if you don’t.

Love dreamer

Sugary drink anyone?

That time of year is there again. You see a bright red truck in every commercial break. You know for sure the end of the year is near. Make every day a special one, we can do it. We can make the world a better place.

That time of year is there again. You see a bright red truck in every commercial break. You know for sure the end of the year is near.

I love this time of year, but why can’t it last all year? Not the trees and lights and presents, no the spirit! For me Christmas is not about presents of anything, it is about being together with people you love. I try to be together with them throughout the year as much as I can (even though as you could have read before I like being on my own a lot as well).

Most people I come across in the streets look so much more cheerful than they do the other months. I wonder if it is just me. Maybe it is something I want to see because of all the movies and commercials that show us how special this time of year is, but a truly think people look happier.

Read carefully here!!! LOOK happier. Maybe they have pretty great masks, who knows. Mine is pretty great. Not many people see what is behind it, so why can’t other people do the same right? But maybe they truly are happier this time of year. I can’t explain why, but I feel better in December, while the rest of the ‘dark’ months are a struggle. Right now everything oozes warmth and I love it. The cheesier the better.

Can December please last forever? Let’s make it happen together. Even without the lights and stuff, be that extra bit cheery to people we don’t know. Smile even if we don’t feel it, because you know what….. if I feel like crap, I smile to everyone I meet. Just smile, that’s all. There are people that look at you like you are planning a murder, but most of them……… smile back! That smile makes me feel better for real, so my smile probably made them feel better to.

I don’t want to tell you not to have or show other feelings, feel free to, feelings are not meant to be kept inside, but when you feel like you could do with warmth, smile. A smile can warm a heart, so smile, even if you don’t feel it right away, because the chain reaction it creates will turn it into a heartfelt one.

Make every day a special one, we can do it. We can make the world a better place. Even if we are with just a few. Don’t think it won’t make a difference, because if you don’t try/do you never know what could have come from it.

Love dreamer