Couch potato,

First of all, sorry it has been a while.Now that this is out of the way, I have been thinking about the blog and something I really want to share. thank you city officials, for wanting to be de bike friendliest city of the country!

Hi there.
First of all, sorry it has been a while. I could give you all excuses possible, like I haven’t been feeling well and all, but there is no excuse that covers not writing.

I have just been lazy. As a matter of fact that is one of my worst qualities. I am lazy as hell.
Give me a show to watch, I will do nothing but watch for a long time.
Household chores need to be done, one more episode, one more… Ok when the clock strikes three I will do the things that need to be done. Shit five o clock, I need to cook before my partner gets home. While cooking I work the things that really catch you eye out of sight, well I guess I have done some of  the chores, so…. Right, everything that needs to be on the stove is on it, let’s watch some more episodes.

So that’s me, until a deadline creeps up on me for something important to do, then I go do it.
As I said, lazy. That is why there was no new blog within a week, because there is no one telling me it has to be written at a specific moment. So… Sorry it has been a while, it is all on me.

Now that this is out of the way, I have been thinking about the blog and something I really want to share.

Where I live it is quite normal to go places by bike. As a matter of fact, cities get declared bike friendliest town of the year. The city I live in is going for that title for the year 2020. The things they come up with to realize that are insane!!!!

Bike roads are being placed though parks, so grass has to clear the way for a red road wide enough for a car to pass over. What do they think? That drivers will think, “he a shortcut, wait, it is for bikes because it is red, well I will do the right thing and drive all the way around”. Of course they won’t, so before you know it the park made way for an undercover road, nice job!

And what about the traffic light for bicycles. Normally you have just the traffic light, green is go, red is stop. We all know to wait, even the colour blind know, top is red, bottom is green. Our city placed countdown lights next to the traffic light. Nice right! You hit the button to have the light turn to green, the countdown light turns on and you see a circle of lights where light turn off until there is no light left on, the traffic light turns green and there you go.

Lovely in theory, because now you know how long you have before the light turns green. If you want to take off you jacket and put it on the back of the bike, you know when you have to be done, because the thing will be counting down orderly, right? WRONG!

Sometimes you hit the button, the countdown light turns on and within seconds it the circle of lights went out. At other times the circle of light turns on, the first light turns off, then turns on, then turns off, then turns on, then turns off, then turns on (this can take up to two minutes of going on, so I will stop writing it down, just read it over and over until you feel it has been an eternity) and then all at once the circle looks like a loading circle, one after the other all light turn off. You can go.
Then there is the most irritating version. You see the lights tick away, it is going steadily (jay a good one!) ten, nine, eight, seven, six, (foot on the peddle), five, four, three, (get ready to move!), two, one (Let’s go!), one, one, one, one, (why is the light still red? I almost went, if I hadn’t used my eyes that car would have driven over me!!!), one, one, one, one, (ok my foot is cramping, let’s get it of the paddle), green! (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

So thank you city officials, for wanting to be de bike friendliest city of the country!
I think their secret agenda is to get people with bad harts to work up a heart attack and people with not too much intellect to get run over by cars to make sure only the best people get to live in this city.
Luckily for me the light does not weed out the lazy 😀

Love dreamer

Changing directions

The last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster and they hit me out of nowhere.
I decided then and there it is time to change.

The last two days have been an emotional rollercoaster and they hit me out of nowhere.

The company I work for doe soooooooooo much to help the people that work there grow!
Since I work here (about half a year) I have been to six events organized by the company and four of them where actually based on growing as a person! On one of the occasions there even was a professional photographer to take pictures you can use as profile pictures!

Last Tuesday I had a workshop to find out if I am on the right track. I figured it would entail hearing if you are still right for the company, but man was I wrong!
We worked on finding out who we are, if we are doing the thing that makes us feel good and what we need in the changing society in order to stay on top of thing, with or without the company we are working for.

We got a chance to listen to each other, and help to find ways to reach goals. It was that workshop that helped me figure out I have been relying on safety where it can’t be necessarily found. From the moment the workshop had started I knew, this would be a mirror I needed. Every aspect of it talked about changes. How the world changed over the years. Think about it…. The year 2000, what where you doing? What was hot at that time? Your phone, what did it look like? (I had a yellow phone that could make calls and send text messages. I could even send pixel pictures, no photos. It was a pre-payed device.) For fun, go on the internet, and look at the news of that year.

So changes. We got shown YouTube clips that talked about change. One of those showed penguins. It had subtitles that said we all walk a much walked path, but there is always a first person to want to try another. If there are enough people willing to follow the first (most of the times after he/she has been declared the biggest fool alive) a new path has been made and will be followed until the next individual gets the idea to try something new.
That is how things work.
I am the follow the path kind of person. Afraid to go off alone. What if there are monsters to eat me!

The last thing we got shown was a picture of a lot of birds on a branch. I think you will all know it. It states that birds are not afraid of the branch breaking, because they trust their wings.
I don’t trust my wings, so I put my trust in the branch. I never thought about the things that can happen to it. I picked a sturdy one to sit on, not a flimsy thing on the side of the tree!
But what if there is a fire, or a storm or something? I never thought about it. I wonder if I am the only one stupid enough not to  trust myself.
Correction, not stupid enough. I am insecure as hell.

I decided then and there it is time to change. I have been through about a third of my life if I am lucky enough. You are never too old to learn, so you sure as hell are not too old to change, if you really want to. And I do.

So I am going to try and become a volunteer in the field of work I wanted to work in since I was a teenager (but could not afford the study). I have already heard I should not go for the study until I find work, so why start with work? Start as a volunteer, create a network, show my worth

AND START TRUSTING MY OWN WINGS, BECAUSE THEY ARE DAMNED GOOD ONES!!!!!!

Love dreamer

Jerks

I start with ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks, but that goes for anyone of course. In this particular situation I am actually talking about a handicapped person.

Ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks? I don’t have anything against anyone and handicap or not, it does not matter to me, I can be  friends with you if you want to and let me. I definitely try not to make a difference between whoever I meet (handicap, skin colour, accent, financial state, sexual preference, anything) because we are all people.

I say try, because I am human to and sometimes not wanting to make a difference means you have to go against instinct. All of us have ideas drilled in from places like home, school, our friends. Those ideas sometimes make that you are afraid of others or think they are weird of anything. I try to give everyone a fair chance and most of the times I succeed.

I start with ever noticed handicapped people can be real jerks, but that goes for anyone of course. In this particular situation I am actually talking about a handicapped person.

We all use the quality’s  we have to help us along in life, so if you have a handicap and you can take advantage of it without hurting anyone, do it! You would be a fool not to, because so many people do it as well. But do not think you deserve special treatment because of your handicap, other than medical based. You are a person just as all the others.

Why this? Well I’ve been to a concert last weekend. I had a blast, until I had a wheelchair up at my legs.
This event did not have seats and did not have an area for wheelchairs. I think that is a huge flaw from the organisation, but nothing to be helped at that moment. I did not go alone, there were several of us there, one of them actually in a wheel chair. He had done his research and knew there was no special place for him, so he saw the concert from the side of the stage near the railings that they put up in front of it. The place opened long before the real concert started and there was a lot of space to get near the stage, even for wheelchairs.
There was this young man in such a vehicle that stayed well in the back of the room, but when the concert started he started to move forward. Inch by inch he crept nearer. I was dancing, having a blast, until my room to move was cut off by this metal contraption. (It was a big chair, not the sports type, but the type that does everything for you, it even went up, so the guys eyes where at the same height as most peoples!) Quite a thing it was, and it was pressing at my legs, so I moved a bit to the side, things can happen, he would not do it on purpose right. No he would not. So I had stepped aside (enough room to move after all) and he kept creeping forward!!! Intentionally inching to peoples legs, making them step aside so he would have an even better view!!!!!!

I decided to not let it bother me and enjoy the concert. When he was right beside me I even tried to made a friendly eye contact. Both he and the woman he was with looked at me like I should have dropped dead at the spot. I still feel icy if I think of those looks. And afterward I heard a lot of people complain about this guy and his bulldozer chair.

But that said and my heart cleared. The concert was great (it was golden earring) and I had a blast.
It was a well-blended audience of old and young. The band was great. Everyone was wearing sneakers and comfortable clothing, but not me!!!!! If I go out I want to look the part, so I had put on a dress and the same high heels I wore at New Year’s Eve. You should have seen the look on the faces of some people :D. This was obviously one of the reasons for me to move aside for the bulldozer. Imagine that thing getting on you bare toes!  The horror! Near the end of the concert we went and stood on the side, where our friend in his chair had been. Some girls noticed my heels, I tell you, the missed the encore because they were too busy looking, pointing and whispering. No way someone could have done a concert in these heels!!!! I have, and enjoyed the whole thing, with or without bulldozer.

Love dreamer

P.S. I know I can’t draw, it is the idea that counts 😀

Feeling comfortable

I always hear people say they know they belong together because they are comfortable when they are. That’s not true!

So last night before I fell asleep a thought crossed my mind. I always hear people say they know they belong together because they are comfortable when they are. That’s not true! I mean it is, but not completely.

Yes, I feel comfortable in ‘letting one rip’ when I am with my partner, I feel comfortable in being my silly self around them, even if my partner doesn’t always feel comfortable when I am being my silly self. Complete picture, yes… I feel safe, comfortable and happy as one can be, but……

When lying in bed I discovered true love is willing to be uncomfortable for the one you love.
I love to fall asleep in the arms of my partner, not comfortable for them, but it means the world to me, so I fall asleep in their arms and when I am soundly of to the land of dreams (trust me I visit there regularly and it is such a strange place!) my partner rolls me into a comfortable position for the both of us.

Last night I could not fall asleep as easily as I am used to, so I tossed and turned. I found myself constantly wanting to make contact. Just touching skin or anything, feeling that you are both in the same bed. In doing so I found a position that did not disturb my partners sleep and made me feel safe and warm, but not all to comfortable. As a matter of fact, I still feel the crick in my neck now that I have woken up to go to work. My partner turned while asleep, so it became even more uncomfortable, because a very important thing called oxygen became difficult to get in my lungs. Difficult, not impossible, so as long as I could breathe I did not mind being this uncomfortable. Eventually I even fell asleep, so…….

Conclusion, you know when you belong together when you feel comfortable in being you and are willing to be uncomfortable just to be a little bit closer to each other.

Love dreamer

A new Year

Let me start of by wishing all of you a super new year, where you may get everything that is good for you.

Let me start of by wishing all of you a super new year, where you may get everything that is good for you. Not everything you WANT, but everything that is GOOD for you. Sometimes we want things that could be bad for us without knowing, so that is why this nuance.

Sorry for being away for so long, first there was no inspiration and then there was little time, but here I am again, trying to post something every week.

So we have arrived in 2018, welcome all. I love December, but the month has one thing I can’t stand. Fireworks.
To be more specific, me standing outside when people are using fireworks.

I love looking at it when I am safely behind glass, but I am terrified of the stuff. Why? No clue. I can’t remember ever seeing it go horribly wrong when people used it, I just fear fireworks. Luckily I survived, and the neighbours have some new fun memories to look back on.

My partner and I, we went to some family of mine to celebrate New Year’s Eve, so we had to drive there. During the day the children in our street were already playing with some firecrackers, yay. As we planned to leave we wanted to inform our next-door neighbour we were about to leave and would not be home for the night. As soon as I opened the door one of the children threw a lit firecracker and BANG. I ran back behind the door and told my partner we would not be informing the neighbours together. My partner rang their doorbell, while I stood behind our door. I waited for about two minutes, informed if the doors of the car where open so I could get in and sprinted to the car when I heard ‘yes they are’.

This is funny because I was wearing high heels (stiletto stile), a dress and taking about three things along to the car. A beauty case, a bag full of stuff to eat and drink in the car and a shoulder bag I always carry with me. O and my jacket, just in case I needed it later in the day. Can you imagine the sight? I threw everything in the car as fast as I could and flung myself after it in order to close the door behind me as soon as humanly possible.
I guess I must have looked funny as hell to everyone in the street.

After arriving at our destination we had a terrific evening, the fireworks I saw from behind the window were beautiful and before we knew it 2017 was gone and 2018 arrived. Welcome to this new year, may it be a good one for all of us.

Love dreamer

I froze with fear last night!!!!

Last night we were lying in bed. I love to fall asleep cuddled against my love. I was almost there (asleep that is) when suddenly…

Now that that is out, it makes a good title as well, so I’ll leave it there.

Don’t worry, nothing dangerous happened or anything. No burglar, no fire, no nothing.
I froze with fear because of the most scary thought you can have, at least, I think it is.
Before I tell you my thought I’ll give you another insight in my life, and I think you can guess what it is I feared.

I might like to be on my own and favour a small gathering above a huge one (or even just a bigger one than small), but I have found the person I want to share my life with.
Not just now…. Quite some years ago. Luckily for me, up to now the feeling seems to be mutual (you never know) and I take every day I can to enjoy that love.

Last night we were lying in bed. I love to fall asleep cuddled against my love. I was almost there (asleep that is) when suddenly… No it was not that sudden, it had to do with something we talked about before we went to sleep, but I do not remember quite what it was, just that it triggered this thought. (Imagination I have enough of, but memory, boy I stood waaaaaaaay back in line when that got handed out).

Where was I, right, when suddenly….. I realized this could be gone in a heartbeat. I have seen it happen, people losing the love of their life. It could happen. Just the thought of losing my partner and being left behind….. It completely froze me for a second or two. The chill around my heart was soooooooo….. And all the hairs on my body stood up, and my mind wanted to shut down.

At that point I realised, if this is what I feel with my love next to me, at just the thought of losing them, how do the people I know go on with their lives after the real deal. I mean I’ve seen it real close by, the loss of a love with who lives and homes where shared. The people I know are brave and live their lives with this loss. They are in pain about it I am sure, and their lost loves will always be a part of them and their life, but they live, they go on!!!!!

So here is a shout-out and a super big hug to all those who found the strength of mind and body to live without the person that once made their world revolve. I have got great respect for what you are doing, even if it is said that you have to live your life because you are not the one who died, because a part of you died that day. You can be proud of yourself for finding the strength to go on and I hope you will keep doing so.

If you are reading this and you have lost your love, but don’t know where to get the strength and have (part) given up, I hope you find the strength to go on and make something of the rest of your life, but I won’t judge you if you don’t.

Love dreamer

Sugary drink anyone?

That time of year is there again. You see a bright red truck in every commercial break. You know for sure the end of the year is near. Make every day a special one, we can do it. We can make the world a better place.

That time of year is there again. You see a bright red truck in every commercial break. You know for sure the end of the year is near.

I love this time of year, but why can’t it last all year? Not the trees and lights and presents, no the spirit! For me Christmas is not about presents of anything, it is about being together with people you love. I try to be together with them throughout the year as much as I can (even though as you could have read before I like being on my own a lot as well).

Most people I come across in the streets look so much more cheerful than they do the other months. I wonder if it is just me. Maybe it is something I want to see because of all the movies and commercials that show us how special this time of year is, but a truly think people look happier.

Read carefully here!!! LOOK happier. Maybe they have pretty great masks, who knows. Mine is pretty great. Not many people see what is behind it, so why can’t other people do the same right? But maybe they truly are happier this time of year. I can’t explain why, but I feel better in December, while the rest of the ‘dark’ months are a struggle. Right now everything oozes warmth and I love it. The cheesier the better.

Can December please last forever? Let’s make it happen together. Even without the lights and stuff, be that extra bit cheery to people we don’t know. Smile even if we don’t feel it, because you know what….. if I feel like crap, I smile to everyone I meet. Just smile, that’s all. There are people that look at you like you are planning a murder, but most of them……… smile back! That smile makes me feel better for real, so my smile probably made them feel better to.

I don’t want to tell you not to have or show other feelings, feel free to, feelings are not meant to be kept inside, but when you feel like you could do with warmth, smile. A smile can warm a heart, so smile, even if you don’t feel it right away, because the chain reaction it creates will turn it into a heartfelt one.

Make every day a special one, we can do it. We can make the world a better place. Even if we are with just a few. Don’t think it won’t make a difference, because if you don’t try/do you never know what could have come from it.

Love dreamer