Escape rooms

One thing I know for certain…. I LOVE escape rooms.

I had this hen party.
NO NOT MY OWN HEN PARTY!
A friend of mine got married this month, so last month was time for a hen party.
Not one with drinking until you can’t walk, strippers, fake male body parts or weird assignments. Just a girls evening out with presents, girl talk, diner and an escape room!

I just love those things. Years ago, before you could actually try and escape one physically I did those things online. My first one ever being the crimson room. It got me hooked. I was an intern at that time, and everyone at the office was trying to get out of this online room. Everyone wanted to be the first to get out! I got out on my own and as far as my memory goes.. first. But who knows, someone else might remember it differently.

Since crimson room I have escaped loads of rooms on the internet. Even rooms that had Japanese signs for speech. I had no idea wat was going on, but I HAD to get out.
After years of online escaping I heard someone talk about escape rooms and asked how they liked doing this online. I got a blank look back.
“What do you mean online? This is an actual room they lock you in. It is not something you do online!”
Uh wrong, that’s where it started, but as I heard than for the first time ever, they were starting to pop up in real life!!!!!
Mind you I did not think they could be as good as online, after all, you have to make things physically possible, while you can get away with things online that can’t happen in real life.

Now these things are not cheap, but man….. are they fun! I have done three by now. The first one ever had the theme around the world. We got locked into a room where we had to open cabinets in order to get flags from around the world. Each flag had a number, put them in the right order from left to right as they would follow if you travel the earth and you have the code to open the door.

At one point a cabinet turned out to be a door to a small room! I felt like a kid in a candy store. Stoked to the bone, you could not have made me happier. We had to fill a cup with hot water to have numbers revealed by the steam, a sink filled up with water to get a key on a floater, put sparkplugs stars in a puzzle chest to light the fireplace, where a code became visible, all stuff like that! If only one of us would have been smart enough to have taken the globe of the desk to put all flags in order, instead of using the huge flattened out map on the wall, we would have gotten out, but still, wonderful.

The second one I did had changed since first use. There where locks with letters to start with and now they were locks with numbers, so it was more difficult to find the right puzzle pieces. We got out in time, but it was not as much fun as the first (no secret rooms to discover and all). The story was, we were in a laboratory under water and he air was running out, so we needed to get out.

The one at the hen party was the best until now though! Billy the kid was looking for gang members and in order to become part of his gang we had to get out of the saloon, get our friends out of jail (some of us actually started in another part of the room, out of sight and earshot) and we needed to break into the bank and blow up the safe, within an hour. It did not have one secret room, nooooooo, there were about FIVE areas you had to get to! Enough puzzles to solve for all of us. One of them I would have never thought to find in real life… A key in a piano, that would only fall out if you played the correct tune! It was soooooooooooo good. Forget the candy store, I felt like Charlie after he inherited the factory of Willy Wonka.

Now if you ever want to get to know future colleagues, friends, family members or whoever, just go to an escape room, because they will lock you up in a room for an hour and you have to get out by working together. Trust me, you will get to know each other on a new level. I found that I had to stay clear of someone in the second room because they worked on my nerves! But hey, we survived and I keep clear of this person if I can, but I know we can be civil with each other when we need to.

One thing I know for certain…. I LOVE escape rooms.

Love dreamer

(PS I’ve started an audio version of my blog as well: https://soundcloud.com/user-986536068/01-introduction)

Time flies

Another week has past already!!!!
Time flies……
Oke here I go….

Another week has past already!!!!
Time flies……

So last week I told you there was a lot to tell since I had been busy with my studies.
Yeah, there was….. but my memory you know.
Sometimes you’d think I should live in a retirement home.
I don’t remember the things I wanted to tell you.
I know, I should have written it down, but…. Yeah lazy, remember.
Oooo wait, there it is…. One of the things to tell, I remembered!!!!
I feel sooooooo happy 😀

Oke here I go….

Ever heard of fear of heights? I am afraid of those things. Not just when you are up really really high, but even when you are just at 1st floor. Now I have gathered there are different ways to interpret that, depending on where you live, so let me elaborate…. First floor for me is just one floor up from street level.

At work the genius architect decided it would be stylish to have the first floor stop about midway (just the bit of first floor that is directly above the entry hall), where you get al railing and you can look out over the ground floor. The building consists of three towers, of which two are in use for office space. To get from one tower to the other you have to cross this nice HALF first floor. I NEVER looked down because man, I start sweating and getting cold when I did that. When I walk there I always look at the ceiling. The architect had another bright idea though…. The part where you cross directly over the counter where guests report is just a bridge. You have open space besides you at both sides!!!!!!! Again, I looked at the ceiling while passing over it.

A friend of mine agreed to help me get rid of that fear, or at least try to. You know what they say right… face your fears. And so I did, we went climbing in the trees. Not just any trees.

These where especially prepared to be climbed. You did a whole track, way up high in the trees, from platform to platform. Crossing ropes, logs, barrels and zip lines. In other words…. HELL.

So this friend and I went there, we were given a harness to put on, they checked if it was safe and put the zip line reel and a double safety clip on it and we were sent into the forest. While still on the ground they told us the basics on how to use the zip line and the safety clips. Those clips where made in such a way they could never be open at the same time, and since the cable you attached yourself to would not disappear until you reached the ground again, where there was a nail at the back of the ladder on which you could close one clip, that could than easily be taken of the nail, to open the other clip and you would be free, you would always be secured. In other words, if we would fall/fail, the clips would keep us up in the trees.

So we started with a training track consisting of three trees, so two crossings, one of which a zip line. The loge bridge was oke, just look forward, not down. Then the zip line. O shit…. I have to lose any hold underneath my feet. It took me a while, but I did it. The harness gives you something to ‘sit’ in, so after a while I even learned to enjoy those things!

We have crossed from tree to tree, passing ropes and logs and getting very tired. So tired in fact that in the end I had to stand still after every step I took, because my right leg had to stop trembling. Now since I don’t want to make this blog to long (may be one day I will elaborate, but not today) I will just tell you about the hardest part of the track.

My friend really wanted to do this, so we went to a part where you have to attach your clips to two bunches of though elastic ropes and jump. When you jump you zip over two line (hence two bunches of ropes), just like you would on the zip line. You end up in this giant net of ropes that has been put up between two trees (almost like a spiders web, if it would be made of rectangles) where you have to climb up, there you can put your clips on a new safety line and you have to choose if you want to continue the track on your right or left, and climb to that tree. Sounds easy enough when I tell you, but to do this…..

So we reach the platform with the two bunches of ropes, I hook up to them (keep in mind, you cannot exit the track until you have reached the end and turning back is no option, because more people are behind you) and I get ready to jump (height is about two floors above ground level). I tell myself to jump, but nothing happens. It is counter intuitive to jump into nothing. There was nothing to hang on to, because those ropes where going to stretch, so a no go to hold on to. I decided, maybe I have enough courage to jump if I sit down first. So I sat. NOPE!!! Standing up again, sitting down again. Telling my partner I love him and sorry for dying if this would have been the case (and no, he was not there). Telling myself to jump….. I just could not. I told my friend he would have to push me for us to move forward, because I would not be able to jump.

He did not need encouragement an pushed (he loved he could). I screamed my lungs out (at least that is how I feel I went along the cables) and ended up in the rope net. I thought the hard part was over. Guess again…. It gives way under your weight!!! It took me ages to get up to the anchoring line (and you need to get there, otherwise you can’t get you clips free of the rope bunches). I wished I would have been able to climb down at that point, but I made it to the next platform. Proud to be there I needed some time to catch my breath.

As is obvious, since I am still able to write, I survived, with the words ‘never again!’

I have had aching muscles for three days and both my arms where full of bruises, but it has worked! At least some, because I don’t need to look at the ceiling anymore if I need to get to the other tower at work.

I had an adventure, cured (at least a bit) of my fear of heights and had an awesome time with one of my best friends. What more do you want 😀

Love dreamer


After ages and ages,

Hi there, I am very sorry it has been ages since I last wrote.
What kind of course takes less than two months you might ask. I decided to share this part with you as well,

Hi there, I am very sorry it has been ages since I last wrote. Yes the title refers to those ages, not real ones, sorry again.
This time I do have a good excuse though!

Remember the course I told you about. I took it…… and I got my diploma!!!

What kind of course takes less than two months you might ask. I decided to share this part with you as well, hoping you don’t think I’m a freak afterward.
At least not more of a freak than you already know I am.

Let me start of keeping it a bit of a mystery still, the answer will be in this piece, I promise.
The course is for something I have been wanting to do since I have been about 14. I could not get an education in it then, because it was one of those things you have to learn in practice and then you go to school one day of the week. We know a system in our land where the government can help pay for your education if your parents can not get you through it themselves, but the education I wanted was not included.

Now do not think for one moment my parents where lazy or anything! The have always done everything they could to get us wat we needed, but sometimes life does not turn out the way you expect. I have had the best youth ever, with more love at home than lots of kids get and loads of love to spare. I did get a good education in doing something I truly like doing (I work in administration) but it was not my first choice.
The two choices could not be further apart than they are I think, but that does not matter. Back to business…

Now, years later I found a course that could help me to go follow my heart. It is a start, but I am going to have to change my life and my partner and I will have to discuss if we can get me started in it financially, because it would mean I will probably have to start with a contract for zero hours. If there is work, I work, but there might be times I barely bring in enough for bread that month. Ah well, we will see how that goes. I’ll keep you posted.

Now the moment you have been waiting for….
What kind of a freak am I?

Keep in mind, the course only gave me basic information. The only way to really learn to do what I want to do is by getting a job in it. You learn on the job, because getting schooled in most of the things we learned requires a very specific item. One you do not simply get at a store and when one is available it need to be treated with respect.

The course I did was one of five weeks in which I learned the basics of taking care of our dearly departed.

When your loved ones die, some-one needs to take care of them for the time they are above ground. I want to be some-one who takes that burden of your shoulders, so you can grieve, and know they are in good hands. As I said, I just learned the basic. The do’s and don’ts you have to know. A little practice in how stiches work. Which stich can we use and in what situation do we use them. We practiced on pigs skin and afterwards on a banana.

On a BANANA! Yes, on a banana (what am I a minion?) because the skin of a banana is so fragile. If you can do you stiches without tearing through it you know you do it with finesse. Believe me, I thought it would be easy, but the banana turned brown under my hands and the skin got all soft, but I succeeded.

After the things I have seen and heard, I know I want to do this job. It is sooooooo important to have a proper goodbye, because there are no do-overs. It has to go right in one take, but if it does….. it helps the people left behind at least a little bit, because the first step on the road of grieve has been a good one.

We also learned thing are very different if you get to other countries. The things we learn here, do not apply to the world, just to our country. We have certain laws about dealing with the dead and every piece of the world handles it their way. As far as I am concerned, if it is a good way for them it is a good way.

Now let’s hope I can find a job and start turning my wishes to reality, even though I know it is not as rose-coloured as It seems from what I have written. Yes I know I will get babies and children and people that did not die in their sleep and might even be unrecognisable, but keep in mind… most of the times it won’t be my loved one, so I have a certain distance that is needed to be able to do this. For me the most important thing is to help people say goodbye to their loved ones.

Since I have not sat down and shared my life for a couple of weeks, there are stories that have not been told… Time to catch up, but let’s do that in my next entry. Thank you for being patient.

Love dreamer

Am I actually doing this?

Am I actually doing this?
This is not the safest route to take. What if I find lions and tigers and bears?

No really, am I?

I changed choirs, so no I sing rock music instead of musical and I got an e-mail that I can go do the course I told you about . I even actually applied for a job I could do with that course! (hope I did not jinx it)

Am I going crazy? Cold sweat is gathering people, loads of it.

Here I am, past my thirties, a great partner, a house to pay for, a job (even though it is a temp job, I am on contract by the agency, so reasonably safe) and bills to pay.
All of a sudden I decide to step off the path. AM I CRAZY!!!!!!!!

I admire people who take risks, but let’s be honest: I am not one to do so.
At least I never was. Safety has always been the choice for me. This is all so exciting but sooooooooo frightening at the same time.

Since I decided to step of the path I have been doubting. I mean, the path I was walking on was safe. Someone found a path through life, smoothed it, even made sure there is asphalt on it for my convenience and made sure I would not encounter danger I could not handle and wat do I do?
I wander of the path. I decide to get into the woods (hopefully not like the musical, because I don’t want people to die because of the wandering I do).

This is not the safest route to take. What if I find lions and tigers and bears (yep another musical)?
Will I be able to fight them off? I am pretty sure I will lose if I pick a fight with them though.

Really girl, get a grip!!!! So what if I encounter anything new. The first thing to try is making friends with it if it is alive. I can decide what to do other than that when it does not want to be friends. The path I was on may have brought me to my death safely, but with my partner at my side every path is a path I can take! Who knows, maybe I will find my El Dorado 😀

And yes, I realise that it sound like I think I could never be happy or go anywhere without my partner. I know I can get there on my own, I would have the strength to survive and find my way, but let’s be honest. It is more fun if you have someone by your side even though they are capable of driving you crazy. Maybe it is because of the capability to drive you crazy, I don’t know. The only thing I know is that at this moment I want to spend the rest of my life with them, and as far as I know that is mutual.

As far as the crazy parts in this blog, the getting of the path and crazy driving partner….
Life would be dull without crazy, so I think I am on the right path. A scary one……. But the right one. Let’s start the adventure!

Love dreamer

Career change?

So last time I told you I decided to stop singing at my choir and find one closer by. Then there is this other change I decide on last week.

So last time I told you I decided to stop singing at my choir and find one closer by. I have found I choir in my city to join and I told people at my current choir I would stop singing there.
Yes current choir, because they have a ‘show’ next weekend, where I will sing my song one last time so they won’t have to rearrange everything, but it will be the last for me with them.

My ego got a boost, because they told me they would rather not see me go and I almost let myself be talked out of leaving, but I have to…. Don’t I?
Yes I do, I am sure of it, the more I think, the more I know it is what I have to do.

So that change will happen. Then there is this other change I decide on last week.
Well no, not really last week, I knew this is what I want since I had to decide my career, but it was too expensive. Now I will try and go ahead with the choice I made then.

I decided to get a diploma to get a job at a funeral parlour.
I know it sounds creepy, but my idea behind it is that you can make a difference for the people that have to deal with a loss.

Sure it won’t be a sunshine job, but I have lost people over the last few years that where close and their funerals where an important part off the closure.
I want to help people like that, even if they don’t know I am the one helping.
No spotlight, just work.

Maybe I am crazy, but still I have wanted this for years. There is a course to get a diploma in it, so that is my start. I signed up for it. Now I have to wait for a yes from them and then I will be able to walk a step further. I hope my steps will lead me to where I want to be. I don’t doubt that you will get to read about this journey through my blog 😀

I am so glad I have taken the first step, and I almost thought it would not happen, or cost my relationship.
When I learned about the course I told my partner, to discuss the cost and all (after all we both need to agree to expenses) and instead of the “go for it!” I got the  “are you sure?”. My partner doubts, and not because of the money, but because of the hours. They will become irregular if I find a job doing this. I don’t mind, but I get the hesitation.

My partner needed time to think, so I waited…. Waiting is not that easy, your mind takes control and all of a sudden it started to wander, what if they say no, I don’t want you to pursue that career? Would that mean I had to choose between being happy with the person I love and the job I wanted for so long? Cold sweat.
Luckily he said yes, go get your diploma, and so I send the e-mail to make my interest known and now I am awaiting a response to tell me I can or can’t participate.
Keep your fingers crossed please.

Love dreamer

Showing your heart

About four years ago my world changed in a way I could not imagine. Who would have thought singing could do this!

About four years ago my world changed in a way I could not imagine. It started in a train on my way home with a colleague. We were talking about things we like/love to do. Remember I told you before (even though people who do not know me well enough might not agree) that I am very self-conscious and always afraid to make a fool of myself without intending to. I told my colleague I dreamed of being an actress/musical star when I was younger, but fear kept me from pursuing that dream.

As we talked he asked me what I wanted to do most, acting or singing. I told him it did not matter and that is how things changed. He was part of an orchestra that was about to put on a show, and for this show they needed a choir. He asked me to come along for his meeting with a choir they asked to be a part of this and I agreed. He cancelled on coming along just before we were supposed to meet at the rehearsal of this choir and I ended up going there on my own.

I felt so sick when entering the building, shaking hands with one of the members and sitting down to talk to her about this choir and the fact that I could try out and become a part of it. I wanted to turn around and run, but I didn’t.
The other members started arriving and gave me such a warm welcome (yet cold sweat was still an issue for me) that I went through with the rehearsal. I joked about being there to get them to sing off key, but it went rather well. I felt so good afterward!!!

Who would have thought singing could do this! I sang at home, where no-one could hear me, safe. Then some years before I took this step, some dear friends of mine got me to sing along with one of these singing games (my first time not singing at home or school) and I loved those, but this…. It is so much different if you sing as part of a whole I cannot describe the feeling.

It felt good to be a part of this group of people, and I learned a lot with them, but being self-confident was not one of those things. Most people in there are so good I felt small and I relied on others instead of myself. Plus I figured I wanted to act as well as sing, so I said my goodbyes to these wonderful people and left to find a group that acted as well.

I found such a group, not in my city, but near. They made me feel welcome as well and it felt good becoming a part of them. They were preparing for a play and I became part of it. I started to feel more and more confident about my singing and had lots of fun. Some people left the group and one of those people sang a couple of songs that were important for the play. Those songs needed new singers and one of those songs is very dear to me, because of my father. There was to be an audition for who would sing it.

Back at my first choir I had auditioned, but afterward I felt sooooooo bad, I said I would never do that again. For this song at my new choir I reconsidered an auditioned. And guess what I got to sing the song!!!!!

A couple of months have passed since the play took place, and I truly loved it and the people I sing with, but…
I feel more and more reluctant at going there, so I have to decide, do I stay at the choir (I have been to three rehearsals since the beginning of this year) or do I stop there.

Today I reached a decision, and they don’t know this yet, but I have decided to stop singing there. My partner told me I need my relaxation and knows choir brings that for me, so he did not agree, until I told him that I will go on singing, but in our own town. I’ll find another choir, stop thinking about the acting (this choir was still more of a choir than a musical group) and be content with singing.

I may not be the best singer (I need training, but that takes money), but I enjoy it, so I will keep doing this. Singing (acting) is showing people your heart. It took me a long time before I had the courage to do this, but I don’t want to shut it away again, so new choir, here I come!!!!

Love dreamer

Years back, right?

I vividly remember how scary things where when I was younger. maybe, just maybe, this post can show someone else they are not alone in their fears.

I vividly remember how scary things where when I was younger. The reason I remember so vividly? I think it is because most things are still as scary to me, but I’ve learned to hide it better.

Enter a room full of people I don’t know. When I was younger I did it from behind the leg of my father of mother. Now I stand outside for several minutes telling myself I can do this, they won’t bite (like my parents used to) enter the room with butterflies in my stomach and the feeling I could throw up any minute, but a smile on my face and a faked confidence (or so I hope) so they won’t see I am an easy prey.

Getting out of the house for groceries, to get to work, go to someone I know and like…. Not a problem. Getting out of the door to get rid of weeds or wash windows, WHY DO I HAVE TO? I know everyone does these things, but I don’t want to. “Why not” People can see me doing these things. “So?” Well, they will have an opinion about me won’t they? What if they think I am weird, or worse what if they make fun of the way I do those chores? “They won’t, why would they?” I don’t know, but it is possible, so I don’t want to.
That is just one of the arguments I have with myself. And it is nonsense to be afraid of what people think at that moment, I know, but still.
I can be weird on purpose, than I don’t mind what they think, it is the thoughts they can have about me when I am not being silly. The fear of people being nice to you because you are ‘special’.

The fact that my fears didn’t disappear struck me this week, because of one of my co-workers. She did not do anything, but look so damn self-confident. Remember the popular girls in school. Looking like they knew everyone would run for them if they snapped their finger and with good right? That’s what she felt like for me at that moment. Every damn time I see her I feel like the four year old, on her birthday at school, forced to bring the teachers a treat, so she goes into the classrooms of the older kids and feels like she should be swallowed by the earth, because they are so much more than she is.

I tell myself I am an adult, I should not feel like I am less than anyone else. I should be proud of me, and I am. But at those moments I don’t believe myself and still wish for the earth to swallow me.

Maybe I handle it with more grace than when I was younger, but those feelings… I am afraid they will never leave me. I’ve decided it is better to get to know them and be friends them, at least that gives me a better capacity to deal with them.

That being said, I am happy with me (getting happier growing older, because you learn how to) and my quirks are part of me so it makes me the (most times I hope) loveable person I am. But maybe, just maybe, this post can show someone else they are not alone in their fears. Maybe they differ in how big they are, but we are not alone.

Love dreamer