New year, bad start part one

The new year arrived, but two posts didn’t. Not because they couldn’t find the new year, but because I didn’t write them, or more correctly, because I didn’t write them completely. I had part of the second one, but things happened. I’ll come back to that later.

You didn’t hear from me the first week, because I decided to take a week off. Why. Nothing to tell, no interesting dreams, nothing. No that’s not completely true. The dreams were interesting, but I couldn’t remember them well enough. The only thing I know for sure is that I was running away from something in all of them and one of them made me think of stranger things, like I was in an episode or something.

I had one thing to share, but that could wait. It was about the last day of 2019. As you might have read before I always ride my bike to work and back and I’m afraid of fireworks. Fine combination on the last day of the year. You might think I would think ahead and take a bus, but then I wouldn’t be me, so no, I didn’t and I had a whole day to think about the ride home, since not long after arriving at work I heard the first fireworks explode.

The time to go home grew nearer and I felt more and more like sleeping at work and canceling all plans that we had made. The day brought loads of explosions and almost as many sirens in answer. I had to go through that madness! I decided to take the back roads, thinking kids would definitely be “playing” with their fireworks in the streets. They where, sure enough, but that doesn’t take away the fact that there are larger ‘kids’ on the fields I passed.

I paddled like crazy to get home as fast as I could, my mum on the phone (hands free) to keep me calm. She had a lot of “oh f*ck” in her ear. Luckily she understands fear. I kept her updated about how far along I was. My street was almost in view… Then fear struc even worse. There were so many loud bangs coming from our street! I told myself I had to go and so I went. Once inside my heart did everything it could to pass through my rib cage, muscles, skin and everything else it needed to pass to get out of my body. Luckily I’m not as fragile as I sometimes feel, because my body kept my heart from escaping. Phew.

I put on some nice clothes and make-up. My partner arrived in time and freshened up as well and off we went. Into the mist. Yes mist. So many people where playing with fireworks, while not much could be seen. I am sure they did it to scare me, it was all about freeing my heart from my chest. But guess what…. I won. If I can I’ll put up another blog today or soon. This week you deserve two. Let’s see if I’ll come through.

Love dreamer

The days in between

So Christmas is done… Just a few days left and this year is done. 2020 wil be a fact. Just a couple of days left. Am I proud of this year? No idea. Proud enough I guess. I didn’t do things that will forever be classified as bad as far as I remember.

Christmas brought three days of people and food. To much I know, so I behaved and didn’t eat until there was no room left. I ate just enough, and to be honest, I’m pretty proud of that! It is a necessity, but still, I was able to hold back, that’s something to be proud about. Even if you know you don’t want to get heavier, it is something else to actually act on it.

Another first for me…. I actually played a game. And what’s even more baffling…. I actually liked it. We had friends over at Christmas Eve. They know I hate playing games, because I am hate losing and ruin everyone’s day/evening as a result. But they had acquired a new game, send me a message upfront, asking if they could/should bring it. Since it was a game where all players would have to work together to win from the game I agreed.

These friends like social experiments, and my partner and me became one. I have to agree, it was a successful experiment! We lost twice, but won the third try. It was past midnight when our friends left. Lucky for them we won the third time around, because I would have kept them until we would have. Even if we would have to cancel every other Christmas or New year’s Eve appointment!

The next two days we spent with our families. Two more lovely days, but still no spirit (see last week’s blog). Let’s hope New year’s Eve will bring a bit more spirit. For now I’m pretty proud I played a game. I would even like to do that again, so thank you friends (you know who you are) for a new experience. Until next year everyone. Hope you all have a good time

Love, dreamer

Where’s my spirit?

I seem to have lost it… my spirit. Last year I talked about how warm this time of year is. This year I feel cold. So cold I can’t believe it. How can this be. I know I’m happy, yet I don’t feel the spirit.

I’ve put up my tree quite early this year (December 7th, is quite early where I’m concerned). I’ve visited two fairs. I’ve had a Christmas brunch at work, where everyone in my team made or bought something to eat/drink. It was lovely and delicious. We took some extra time to play 30 seconds, so we all had a wonderful lunch, but no spirit for me. I went along, even played the game (I hate games, because I can’t stand to lose), but nothing.

How come you feel so much joy and warmth one year, while there seems to be a black hole the next.
It’s not like I don’t want to feel the spirit, I just don’t… Maybe this year the loss of loved ones is in the back of my mind. Maybe I just don’t feel it because of other reasons. I can’t tell.

I don’t think I’m depressed right now, because I feel pretty good. I just feel a bit empty, because I miss the spirit. Ah well, better luck next year. For now, let’s get ready for some busy days and loads of food my body doesn’t need, but I will still eat.

This year one of the woman I hike with on Sundays suggested to have a Christmas with friends. Not on the actual days, because we all have family to deal with then, but just before. So tomorrow we are going to have a winter BBQ. Although winter… You could almost go outside in a dress and be oké. The weather is quite mild. Then Christmas eve some friends will come to have a pleasant evening with me and my partner (looking forward to seeing them again!). The next two days will be spent with my partners family and mine. And to complete the whole ordeal.. I took a look in my planner this morning and found out I planned an evening hanging out with two friends the day before Christmas eve. I haven’t broken this news to my partner yet and somehow I don’t think they are going to like that.

Then a long weekend and two day’s work left this year. Before we know it we have arrived in 2020. A new start… a new search for the spirit. Luckily for me I’ve got a whole year to find next year’s spirit (minus a couple of days, but hey, who’s counting).

I hope you all have your spirit. If not… We will survive. Since my spirit is missing, I’ve got room to spare for people who need warmth, just like me. Let’s get warm together. If you have you spirit, I hope (and almost know) you’ll share yours with those in need of the warmth. Together we will make the last days of this year special, each in our own way.

Love
dreamer

Dreaming up inventions?

This week I had a dream where I invented something for McDonald to use. So if you see this in use in future, I should be rewarded. I decided to share it with you, even though my idea might get stolen. But before I share my idea I will tell you about my weekend, because I think this inspired my dream.

Christmas is around the corner. Over the years traditions form. One of these traditions is visiting a Christmas fair in our neighbouring country with my partner their sister and her husband. This year was quite a nice one. Lots off stalls with lots to buy. Christmas ornaments, warm clothing, food, drinks, everything I want at such a fair. Including a Ferris wheel.

The day started with a drizzle, but it was supposed to clear up, so we decided to go nonetheless. To get out of the rain we entered a mall, but everything but the food and drink places was closed. That was one short visit. Back to the fair. I bought myself a Ugears (see picture above). And on our way out I bought a candy apple. No fair is complete without a candy apple!

Before leaving my partner’s sister and ride the Ferris wheel. It was cold, wet (even though the rain had stopped by this time) an there was very little to see. We where hoping for a nice view of the fair, but…. Nope. Buildings all around. To bad. We had fun though!

On our way home we needed to eat, so we stopped at a roadside place that had different options. One of those options was McDonald’s. (And that’s where a dream started to grow). All the other stuff was not for me, Mc it was. A big Mac menu. Now back where I live you get this awesome sauce, but not in our neighbouring country. Our sauce comes in a small plastic cup, theirs in a plastic bag you have to empty before you can use it.

What do you do then. Normally it’s no problem. Empty everything on the paper in the tray. This time we took everything in the car. I emptied my fries in the bag and put the sauce on the package of the fries. We had a nice weekend.

Now the dream. For real! I dreamt I thought up a way to take care of such messes as I had to deal with in the car. McDonald’s actually hired me for this! (At least in my dream. The solution? At the moment the holder has a longer back than front. If you give the front an extra wing on the bottom, one that has a logo when is flattened along the front, but when you fold it out, you can form it into a cup, so it holds your sauce!

Well what do you think. Would you like that? I know I would. That’s probably why I remember. Well that’s it for now, enjoy the lights and merrymaking. And if you feel worse because of it… Hang it there! You are worth it, it will pass.

Love, dreamer

Surprised

Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it…. But I’m starting the story at the end, so let me start at the beginning.

When I was a lot younger I heard my parents talk about their life and their jobs. On TV I saw people working. I knew one day I would have to work as well. That’s a part of life, and I was taught the importance of a hard day’s work. I didn’t mind, was actually looking forward to it.

Now way back when (actually not that long ago, but the changes are happening so fast it feels like centuries) it was normal for a person to work for the same employer for years and years. In this day and age, if you say you want to work at the same place until your retirement (or even past a couple of years) you don’t have enough drive. You need to want to go places, wether you like it or not.

Growing up I figured I’d find a job I like, to spend the rest of my life working there. Yeh right… Weirdo. From the first job I had it had been jobs through a temping agency or payroll office. Never a contract with the company I actually worked for. The thing I remember most from 2009 on is wondering if I would get a new contract through the temp agency. If contracts for the company became available I had to apply for the job! Write a letter that went to people that didn’t know me, and two of the three times I applied, turned my letter down. The third time I could ‘come in’ for a job interview. WHY?!? I have worked for you for a long time, with good results. Why not base who you offer a contract to on that information?

Suffice it to say, I never got a contract. I was however lucky enough to be one of few who got a contract for an undetermined time with the temp agency. Since the employer I worked for went through the same process of not knowing wether or not there would be a renewal (and informing us a few days before the end of our contract) the temp agency introduced me to another employer.

I started working there and loved it. The company must have liked me too, because they offered me a contract for a year. Wait what…. No… I most have heard wrong. I am actually going to get a contract with the company I work for? YES! That was approximately a year ago. Another year ending in suspense, but this employer would let me know in time, they had proven that last year. The good thing here, we don’t have to apply for our job, because we already do it. They judge our work, thank goodness.

You might think I ‘talk’ of your ears when reading this, but that becomes much worse if I get nervous. I am glad I only had to apply for my job once at this employer. We were informed that most likely we would be able to get a new contract, but they had to start a procedure for people who had to leave their department. After a period of to weeks we would be informed if there had been any reactions.

This week I had an off day on Tuesday, so I decided to get something at the bakery. It is not polite to eat everything yourself, so I bought some extra to share with my colleagues. Another colleague entered the bakery and said: ” ah, you talked to your manager I see. Congratulations!” I stared at him with a blank expression. What was he talking about? On the way back I met three other colleagues that made the same assumption.

So, we would not just hear if there had been reactions, we would also hear about our contracts. I was hopeful for a new contract for a year, instead I got one without an end date!!!! Who would have ever thought it possible in this day and age? Not me, that’s for certain. I had given up hope, and then when you least expect it….

Love dreamer

Nightmare and theatre

I’ll start this blog with my nightmare and finish it with theatre, so we have something bright to end on, because man…… The nightmare I had this week had me shaking for a long time after. To be honest, I still feel like crying when I think about it.

The night I had this nightmare was a strange one. I woke up around a quarter to two and would wake up every hour after that. The frustrating thing is, every time I fell asleep again, I would pick up the nightmare where I’d left it to wake up. Here goes…

It starts with me waking up next to my partner, not sure if they were still alive. I left home nonetheless, figuring I was being to protective again. For some reason I was at my mum’s that afternoon. She told me in distress my partner had died, but couldn’t tell how they died. She could tell me for sure it had been in the afternoon, not in bed.

I decided to go to my partner’s parents to get more information and talk about the next steps to take. I felt shaken up, but couldn’t really cry. It felt more like a fake emotion than a real one, like I wanted to show the world how hurt I was, but didn’t feel it. My partner’s mum mumbled, but didn’t make any sense and their father immediately left when I walked up to him.

And now? No one could tell me how my partner died and I had to think ahead without any help at all. Well, I would need to let the bank know they died. Luckily we have an insurance for our mortgage just in case one of us would die. Then there’s the car. I would have to let the company that leases it to us know my partner died. They are the main user. Same goes for our telecom contract. How in the word would I manage?

I distinctly remember thinking, their dad won’t get their phone. That is mine! How awful of me! When it was time to get out of bed (thank goodness) I walked over to my partner’s side of the bed and hugged them real tight. I knew they where awake, because they asked if I had slept well. I asked to please not die on me again. The answer I got was: I can’t make any promises.

I felt the tears rise and knowing my partner is to down to earth to know how to react, left for the bathroom. I cried, because the loss of my partner felt so real! Horrible! I felt it all day and still, when I talk or write about it I feel so empty. Brrrrrr.

On to something that’s a lot less unnerving. I went to a tryout for the musical we will rock you. (Emagine an enormous amount of emoticons with heart eyes). (more). (Nope still not enough).(a bit more). (About right, but not quite).(yes that’s it)! Anastasia was killer Queen. It was sooooooo good. I would go every day if I could, but that’s not possible. To bad. Definitely one of the best shows I’ve been able to visit on me pass.

Love dreamer

The play, a book and a feud!

So update on the play I was in… It went well. The second day was a nightmare for the prompter, but the piece worked out non the less. Why was it a nightmare for the prompter you might ask… well. One of the people on stage was about a page ahead in the script, so the person he had his part with went along with him, but the other two on stage were at the right page, so…. The prompter had to skip ahead and back and we had to work twice as hard to make things look like it was meant that way without skipping on important information. It has been a blast. Now three weeks off and then rehearsal for a new piece will begin. Looking forward to it!

Now for this week. As you might have noticed on twitter I finally received ‘How to save your child from ostrich attacks, accidental time travel, and anything else that might happen on an average Tuesday’ from James Breakwell. In between it arriving, work and stuff I managed to get to page 19 and I can’t wait to read the rest. I might not have kids, but knowledge about how to keep kids safe from everything in existence and imaginary is something everyone needs. Can’t wait to start reading again, and that will happen after I’ve put this blog online! You should read it to! Go buy it! Here’s the link to his site:
http://explodingunicorn.com/ostrich/
You can read the description, see where to buy it and find more information and stuff from him. Mondays are the highlight of my week, because of his newsletter!

Between the tweet and now there has been more time than could have brought me to page 19. True, but… I was distracted. With what? The feud that is going on between two groups I follow online! At one point I read about Shipwrecked and Tin Can Bros bringing a short to buffer and putting it on YouTube afterward and the next moment I read statements on twitter on how the other party has stolen their script! I didn’t know what to think, so obviously I watched both clips. Same script indeed, what is going on? Don’t believe me? Go see for yourself:

Darn Tootin’ from Tin Can Bros: 

A Book By Its Cover from Shipwrecked:

At first I think, sure, you collaborated on it. They are friend, so why not. But then there is an announcement. Both of them have a livestream to tell us how it is their script. My time zone differs from theirs, so yesterday I spent four hours to watch them both and find out what the … is going on. First of all, there where people in the live chats that had the sole purpose of stirring thing up. I had a blast watching them both. After seeing this I am still not sure what the hell is happening, but I sure hope this is their way of showing us how unreal the world of moviemaking is. At the end of the Shipwrecked stream it has been said that things should be concluded by Friday, so until then I am keeping an eye on YouTube while I’m awake, because I NEED to know what is going on there.

If you like the things I do, you are probably already aware of the situation and as eager for the what’s coming as I am. That’s it for now. If you need me, I’ll be learning how to fend off some more animals. The next chapter will be Supernatural Beings, so I don’t think the book will come down before I’ve read the last letter. If there’s no blog next week, send the coroner, because I’ve forgotten to eat and drink while reading. Scratch that, make sure they check up on me sooner, how else will I be able to read more of James Breakwell’s stuff and find out what happens with the feud!

Love
Dreamer