My dad

Remember the loss of a loved one I wrote about last year? I don’t know why I didn’t tell you who the person that died was. Maybe I was concerned someone would recognise me because of it. I don’t care anymore. I’d much prefer my true identity stays hidden except for a few, but still.

As you can guess from the title, the person I lost was my dad. Why the change of heart in telling you who he is? Well, it is 5.19 a.m. when I am writing this, because I dreamt again last night. It was the best of the best of the best, because my dad was there with me. I had to get up and write it down because this is I dream I never ever want to forget, even though it is foggy as it is, so here it is:

I don’t know why, but my sister (yes, I truly have siblings) has two student flat’s, at least that’s wat my dad called it. They are more like wooden cabins outside of the city, with every luxury there is to have. For one reason or another both my sister and I are still young enough to go to school, and while she has these places she can live, my dad comes to pick me up every day.

So this goes on for a couple of days in my dreams, I have no clue what other things went on in my dream, I only remember my dad picking me up one day and how good it felt. There are two days when he does this in my dream, so maybe it was just the weekends and the place was mine to start with and not my sisters? I don’t care, he was there The second time he would be picking me up I remember feeling like he had forgotten about me. Apparently I thought he would pick me up from where I was at that time, so I walked to this house, hoping he would be there on the couch, like the last time. He wasn’t

I walked to the hallway and there he was, in a wondrous jacket I can’t even start to describe and a Sherlock Holmes hat. He was checking the bathroom, and I knew he would be happy, because the tub had been repaired. It stood full of water like it was waiting for him. Dad looked at me with this twinkle in his eyes and exclaimed: “I can finally use it again!!!”, after which he stepped in, fully clothed, and let himself slide under water completely. There he was in the tub, looking at me, happy as a child. The tub was big enough for him to fit completely and still have room on all sides. My dad was not a small man, so this tub was huge, even though it felt/looked like it was a normal size.

I remember asking if he still had his phone on him. No, he had already taken it out as a precaution, then he dangled one arm and a leg out and asked if I could take off his watch, just to be on the safe side. Sure, so I remove the watch from his wrist. “No, not that one, the one on my ankle, I kept it there to be safe from the sun”. I don’t know why someone would do a thing like that, but since I do crazy thing in my dream as well, I guess it runs in the family. My dad talked to some guy that came into the house about the bath finally being fixed. This is how I know my about the two student flats for his daughter (my sister as I remember now, but hey, dreams slip away so fast). He told the man about them.

Then suddenly I was at my wedding (no I am not married in real life) being happy, seeing someone I know with a puppy and cuddling it. My dad came to say goodbye, I don’t know why. This is where I wake up. I guess, because normally I would work today and my alarm clock would wake me up in about fifteen minutes or so.

I lay there, thinking about the dream, not wanting to forget. Emotions started flowing through me, I started to cry. Since my partner is still asleep and has to work today I went downstairs so they wouldn’t wake up on my account. The other plus is that I could get behind my computer and type up my dream. Now I won’t forget. I am thankful for having my dad with me last night in my dream. He hugged me and kissed me and told me stories and made me feel safe. I still miss him and I have been crying all through typing this, but I am so thankful he was there, because it means I didn’t forget about him, and since I believe in afterlife, I think he didn’t forget about me. Even though I can’t hug him in real life, I will always have those moments where he will be with me and I can hold him again.

Last year, when writing about my loss I mentioned it wasn’t the first close loss, but the closest so far. I have lost my brother as well. I am happy to say I’ve had dreams where he and I met up and talked about all kinds of things. So I dream about both my dad and my brother. Not often, but sometimes. I would like it to be more often, but you can’t have it all. Something about a gift horse 😉

It might not have been real, but it’s better than nothing at all.

Love
Dreamer

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