Weighing words

When I started this blog I said it would be sort of my diary. In a way it is. I share rather personal things through my blog, without too much hesitation, because it is an anonymous blog. Sure, my family and friends know it is me and if you stumble upon it without knowing I think you will know it is me without me telling you if you know me in real life, but it is still easier to write when it feels anonymous.

That said, I know I can’t or won’t put just anything in my blog. I try to think about my words before I put them online. Not the spelling as you might have noticed, but the meaning of the words. Why? Because using internet is a bit like having superpowers. With great powers comes great responsibility. You have to think about what you put online, because it can influence lives in ways you hadn’t thought about.

If I had a bad day and people ruffled my feathers I don’t go online to chew them out. For one, they might stumble upon my blog and recognise themselves, confronting me with the fact I put it online, but did not confront them in person about it (because I hate conflict, I leave people be rather than confront them). Then there is the fact that internet can break people if you are not careful. The mind can be a fragile thing, so try not to hurt people if you don’t have to. A compliment and a curse are just as easily given, but the curse will do loads more damage than the compliment can ‘fix’, if it can fix anything at all.

Way back when Hyves was still a thing I posted a blog once. I felt a bit down, just a bit, not too much. The one thing I keep forgetting is that my mind is sort of a shaded place. Nothing I can’t handle. I know the shades and how to manoeuvre around them to be ok. But I forget that other people might not get that. So I posted a blog about my bad day, just to ‘air out’ some feelings. It did not take long for my friends and family to start sending me messages asking if I was ok. Did I need someone to come by and talk to, did I need a hug. They read something that stated I was done with everything. For them the post was dark enough to worry about me taking my own life.

I’ll be honest, I have been on that point in my life more than once. This was not one of those times. The thing is, my mind is a wonderful place to me, but there are shades I have to watch out for. People reading this didn’t see shades, they saw  night. I learned to weigh my words better that day, because I had people worried while nothing that bad had happened. Every blog I write I try to think about the impact it might have on people. No that’s not true. I try to think about not having a bad impact on people. I don’t think about it having a good one.

See, that is one of those things, I concentrate on the negative, but at the end that is a positive thing, because I just don’t want to hurt or worry people. Don’t think about me no posting important negative feelings. I will deal with those in appropriate ways. I will take care of my mental health, but it will not be the thing I want to post about. Not because of you, but some things I am better at handling alone.

Why this post if that’s my take on it? Well last night (it was past midnight) I read a post of someone I haven’t met in real life. I ‘met’ this person online in a slack group. I don’t know any of those people in real life and I have not been in this group for long, but it feels like a warm group of people. One of them mentioned working on a blog post and I immediately felt like I would want to read it, so I asked if I could. I got a link to the blogsite and started reading the minute I came home from the movies with friends. The blog touched me in a good way. Here was a person that has been though a lot with so much positive energy coming from the posts it made me feel warmth. Loads of it. There is this one post I will definitely go back to whenever the shadows in my mind will be too much for me, because I feel like it will always bring light to those shades and help me defeat them.

This blogger started another idea in my head as well. ‘Way back’ in 2007 I wrote a story. I shared it with friends of mine, but I think it is time for me to share it with another audience. Maybe it is taking a risk of someone else taking liberties with my work, but I don’t want to think that way. I will trust in people to use source reference and giving respect to the author of a piece if they talk/write about things. I will entrust my story to the internet. So be warned, the next post that will come online will be a long one. It is an experience I had. Maybe it was I dream I remembered when writing, maybe it was something else, but know that it is actually about me. Not something fictional, but my life, my feelings, my story. I hope it might inspire people, who knows. I’ll have to translate it first, so I don’t know when I will post it. Could be Thursday, since that is my normal day for posting.

Let me finish this blog by thanking AMindOfSorts for the warmth I got from reading your posts. May your future be a bright one, with lots of love and friendship.

Love
Dreamer

P.S Go to the blog and find out for yourself https://amindofsorts.wordpress.com/

 

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