Am I actually doing this?

Am I actually doing this?
This is not the safest route to take. What if I find lions and tigers and bears?

No really, am I?

I changed choirs, so no I sing rock music instead of musical and I got an e-mail that I can go do the course I told you about . I even actually applied for a job I could do with that course! (hope I did not jinx it)

Am I going crazy? Cold sweat is gathering people, loads of it.

Here I am, past my thirties, a great partner, a house to pay for, a job (even though it is a temp job, I am on contract by the agency, so reasonably safe) and bills to pay.
All of a sudden I decide to step off the path. AM I CRAZY!!!!!!!!

I admire people who take risks, but let’s be honest: I am not one to do so.
At least I never was. Safety has always been the choice for me. This is all so exciting but sooooooooo frightening at the same time.

Since I decided to step of the path I have been doubting. I mean, the path I was walking on was safe. Someone found a path through life, smoothed it, even made sure there is asphalt on it for my convenience and made sure I would not encounter danger I could not handle and wat do I do?
I wander of the path. I decide to get into the woods (hopefully not like the musical, because I don’t want people to die because of the wandering I do).

This is not the safest route to take. What if I find lions and tigers and bears (yep another musical)?
Will I be able to fight them off? I am pretty sure I will lose if I pick a fight with them though.

Really girl, get a grip!!!! So what if I encounter anything new. The first thing to try is making friends with it if it is alive. I can decide what to do other than that when it does not want to be friends. The path I was on may have brought me to my death safely, but with my partner at my side every path is a path I can take! Who knows, maybe I will find my El Dorado 😀

And yes, I realise that it sound like I think I could never be happy or go anywhere without my partner. I know I can get there on my own, I would have the strength to survive and find my way, but let’s be honest. It is more fun if you have someone by your side even though they are capable of driving you crazy. Maybe it is because of the capability to drive you crazy, I don’t know. The only thing I know is that at this moment I want to spend the rest of my life with them, and as far as I know that is mutual.

As far as the crazy parts in this blog, the getting of the path and crazy driving partner….
Life would be dull without crazy, so I think I am on the right path. A scary one……. But the right one. Let’s start the adventure!

Love dreamer

2 thoughts on “Am I actually doing this?”

  1. Well, it has been a while since I wrote something down here (to long if you ask me). Lots of changes and they sound exciting!

    For me, life seems to go on. After 7 months of vaction and 3 holidays it’s back to school (something I should have done earlier) and back to work (it’s quite unique to return to your old line of work in the way I did and during the application it all sounded too good to be true).

    But this leaves me with a kind of a problem. A classic case of catch 22, because the ‘thing’ I discribed in a comment on “cheating” is back in full force (and so are the feelings). I informed my partner about it (we are in a different kind of relationship now) and she wasn’t having any of it.

    Why can’t I just have a boring life with a wife, two kids and a boring (but secure) job? Sometimes it would make life so much easier… (sigh)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear thinker,

      Even in the darkest shadows light can be born, and the best lives are probably the ones that are not boring, but all that will not make what you are going through easier. It just gives you great stories to tell when you are older, because who wants to hear the easy stories. I get you when you wish for a boring life, but I am sure your future will be bright, hang in there.

      Biggest hug you can emagine


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