Now that that is out, it makes a good title as well, so I’ll leave it there.
Don’t worry, nothing dangerous happened or anything. No burglar, no fire, no nothing.
I froze with fear because of the most scary thought you can have, at least, I think it is.
Before I tell you my thought I’ll give you another insight in my life, and I think you can guess what it is I feared.
I might like to be on my own and favour a small gathering above a huge one (or even just a bigger one than small), but I have found the person I want to share my life with.
Not just now…. Quite some years ago. Luckily for me, up to now the feeling seems to be mutual (you never know) and I take every day I can to enjoy that love.
Last night we were lying in bed. I love to fall asleep cuddled against my love. I was almost there (asleep that is) when suddenly… No it was not that sudden, it had to do with something we talked about before we went to sleep, but I do not remember quite what it was, just that it triggered this thought. (Imagination I have enough of, but memory, boy I stood waaaaaaaay back in line when that got handed out).
Where was I, right, when suddenly….. I realized this could be gone in a heartbeat. I have seen it happen, people losing the love of their life. It could happen. Just the thought of losing my partner and being left behind….. It completely froze me for a second or two. The chill around my heart was soooooooo….. And all the hairs on my body stood up, and my mind wanted to shut down.
At that point I realised, if this is what I feel with my love next to me, at just the thought of losing them, how do the people I know go on with their lives after the real deal. I mean I’ve seen it real close by, the loss of a love with who lives and homes where shared. The people I know are brave and live their lives with this loss. They are in pain about it I am sure, and their lost loves will always be a part of them and their life, but they live, they go on!!!!!
So here is a shout-out and a super big hug to all those who found the strength of mind and body to live without the person that once made their world revolve. I have got great respect for what you are doing, even if it is said that you have to live your life because you are not the one who died, because a part of you died that day. You can be proud of yourself for finding the strength to go on and I hope you will keep doing so.
If you are reading this and you have lost your love, but don’t know where to get the strength and have (part) given up, I hope you find the strength to go on and make something of the rest of your life, but I won’t judge you if you don’t.