Sometimes I wonder why I socialize. This evening was one of the moments.
On my way to friends on a bicycle in the rain I wondered why I always plan to go out and do things.
Don’t get me wrong, I like these people a lot, that is why I want to see them, but cycling through the rain I still wondered.
It was cold and since I wear glasses I could not see where I was going. If you don’t wear those it takes some explaining so let me paint a picture (or at least try).
To see wat I see without glasses you need to take a look at your camera, the moment it is out of focus. You see your surroundings, but it is all a blur. That is what I see if my glasses are off. When on my way to these friends it was dark/evening, so seeing will be difficult even when wearing glasses. I wanted you to know what I see without so you know taking them off is not an option. Now the rain. It gets on you glasses like they are windows. All lights in the vicinity get blinding at that point. Try looking through a drop of water into the light and you get some sort of orb. So not seeing without glasses and trying to look through light orbs with them on it is always quite an adventure cycling through the rain in the dark. And a dangerous one at that.
So cycling, not seeing too much of where I was going I thought: “Why?” I would have been perfectly happy not going out. Lying on the couch in my pj’s with a nice book or YouTube or something like that.
If I could I would never get out. Meeting people is exhausting most of the time. Even though I get energy from being with my friends, it is the people and surroundings I don’t know that take much more than any of my friends can give. Yet I will get out, because how could I call it living all on my own?
At one point in my life I wanted to be a hermit, my brother laughed and told me I could never be one. I think he had a point, because I am terrified of creepy crawlers and I don’t know anything about taking care of myself by growing my own food and stuff, but it seemed like the most wonderful thing ever. Being on my own, taking care of myself and if I got sick, well I’d better be able to help myself, or I’d die.
Children and their idea’s. I met a great person and lost my heart. There goes the possibility to be alone, because I would not be happy without this person (but if it would make them happy to be without me, I would rather be unhappy than together, because they should be happy).
I have a lot of friends so I am blessed and that is why I go out and socialize. I had a great time tonight, so it was worth it, again. I doubt it was the last time I wondered why I go out and meet people though…..