Sometimes it is just too much, the feeling of being different. Most of the time I am OK with it, but sometimes I am not. It feels like I have been a misfit my entire life. Most of the times it is ok now, but there will always be people that make you feel like you do not belong, you should not be there.
What is it with these people? Why is it so bad for me to be different. Not different in a physical way (at least not that I am aware of), but in a mental one. If you think I have a disability, no, not that I am aware of and never diagnosed. I am just different.
I have never found out why people react to me the way they do, but it has been like this for ever. People who do not really know me think I am weird and people who do get to know me either appreciate my weirdness or run like hell, as if they do not want to catch whatever it is I have.
Even though I am officially an adult, I never completely go with acting like one, at least not always. If I have to for work or anything I can, but most of the time I do not. I like showing what I feel, I like including everyone instead of just a couple of people, because they belong to this group and not the other.
Why is it people want everyone to fit inside a description? Why can we not be who we are without the world thinking we have a screw loose (or as a quote on the internet says: “I do not have a screw loose, it fell out). I do not want to be like everyone else, and even if I did, I do not know how, because this is who I am. I like to like everyone (even people who annoy me), I like to give people a second, third or even a fourth chance.
Is that why people react to me like I am a disease? I know, most people do not act like that. At least not to my face, but sometimes you hear people talk when they think you are not there or cannot hear what they are saying. To be honest, it is pretty devastating. I try not to let it get to me, knowing I am who I am and I want to keep faith in everyone, but that is difficult sometimes.
Is it fear, jealousy, the feeling that you are above someone else? What is it? Why am I weird, not accepted the way that I am. As far as I know, I never purposefully hurt anyone if I could avoid it. I accept people the way they are, because it was taught to me by my parents. We can all be who we are and make the world a colourful place.
Well I tell you, sometimes I want to fit in with the crowd, not stand out because I am colourful. At those times I hate who I am and I strongly wish not to be. Then I start thinking about things that are beautiful because of those colours.
People with a colourful soul attract other colourful souls. I know I have. When put together we make a beautiful painting. We enjoy thing so much more intense because of the colours we bring and see. I should not feel sorry for myself for being weird. I should feel sorry for people who cannot see past the walls that have been put up by society. They are the ones missing out, not me. I hope I will never cease to make a beautiful painting instead of just shades.